Noir
by spheeris1
Summary: {UA} A dangerous yet beautiful lady & a fedora does not a detective make...[Finished]
1. Teaser

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: just Utena/Anthy for now…

Warnings/notes: Utena POV, surrealism, bad film noir references and rather aimless [semi-prose]

~~~

TEASER

~~~

It was a web. It was a trap. You'd have to be blind not to see it, to not be aware of it. And Utena was not blind. Hell, she saw the words 'bad news' running up the length of this lady's tanned stocking leg. 'Danger' was like a tattoo across her raspberry lips. Everything in her fathomless green eyes spoke of lies and trickery. Utena knew that Himemiya Anthy was trouble.

And Tenjou Utena opened the door just the same. She let this little spider spin her pretty entrapment, not because Utena believed a single word....not like that at all.

Utena just imagined this lady naked and in her bed, deciding the truth could be worked out later.

~~~

TBC


	2. Ichi

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: for now just Utena/Anthy

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' [also adding a disjointed sense of time]

~~~

…shisoo kurai…

[dark thoughts]

~~~

Most cases were the same.

Someone disappears, someone murders, someone steals.

And when Utena thought about it, she has to admit--those 'ways' of getting through life had occurred to her once every so often.

It would be so easy to forge some papers or numbers.

It would be so easy to slip a hand over a strangers mouth.

It would be so easy to pull the trigger on the gun she keeps strapped to her hip.

Life is full of easy choices.

Easy money. Easy women. Easy morals.

But Utena has it all figured out. At least…in the karmic sense.

If everyone took the 'easy' way, then someone had to take the 'hard' way.

Now the world would not tip to one side too much, the balance will be perfect…or so Utena likes to believe.

Even jaded people need something to believe in.

Like love. Like children. Like something or someone better than yourself.

Like if you go too far down one path, the opposing path will haunt you from behind.

Utena believed that over every bright morning lived a dark night.

For every Prince there is a Pauper.

~

__

'Don't get in a strangers' car…' This lady started. They all started with a story, as if they needed to build it all up in their minds and play it out for you. So you will truly understand their plight…and couldn't possibly refuse to solve it for them.

'My mother told me that and I didn't listen. Now I've lost everything to him. He has taken it all…' This lady finishes. And you know it is the end of all she will tell you.

The rest is up to you. The details, the lies behind the lies, the secrets and the sordidness of the whole ordeal. You must dig through the dirt and find the diamond.

But something tells you not to take the case…something is crawling up your spine, something is gnawing at your gut…but you never listen.

You never ever listen, do you?

'Before we go any further, this is what I charge.' You slide over a payment statement. You watch this lady, watch her pulse in her neck and watch the barely contained tears in her bluer than blue eyes--you watch to see if she is…

Easy money.

~

'Quote the Raven…Nevermore.'

But Utena didn't finish that story. It was too long and she had too little time. The phone was ringing and she was waiting for that call. She had been waiting for that call all day and all night.

But she neared it and the knock echoed from her door.

And she let her in, ignoring the ringing.

She let her **in**…

And that, as they say, was that. 

Once the police got there, it was locked up tight again. No one there. Silence.

Dust on the table and desk. Mold on the food, rotten apples in the bowl.

Moth wings on the closeted clothing, their tiny bodies on the floor--death by enclosure.

~

__

'I want to believe in you…' You say, the words struggling up your throat and laying heavy on your tongue.

'And I want to believe in you as well.' She answers as she steps back and away from you.

'But I don't.' And her last words hurt more than a million swords.

~~~

TBC


	3. Ni

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy for now

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

~~~

It was typical to have several jobs at one time.

Utena was used to it.

One insurance fraud, one cheating wife or husband. Nothing was ever like in the movies. No gorgeous women running from mysterious pursuers, no dead henchmen laying in the hallways, no black bird statuette worthy of dying for.

In fact, Utena thought most times her profession very dull and very calm. The only emotion it inspired was a general distaste for the general public.

Everyone has a secret life.

Everyone lies about something or someone.

Everyone will get caught one way or another.

But Utena kept looking over the facts of her latest meal ticket. Some blonde-haired 'princess' who was stupid enough to hand over her entire life to some guy. Stupid enough to let him in her home, into her bank account, into her very soul.

Lovers gone wrong. The most difficult job of all.

Nowhere near as simple as lost money or fancy disappearing acts…here you deal with unknown emotions of unknown people…

And those people can be more dangerous than any gun in the middle of the night.

So, this blonde cries and stares off. And she can pay the tab for Utena's services.

The blonde will stop at nothing till this man is brought to justice, has lost it all, finds rock bottom and spends his life there.

Utena didn't have to hear the blonde say this…past the distant sadness in those blue eyes, she can see it. 

'Princess' wants revenge.

~

__

You feel drunk, but you haven't been drinking. Not tonight anyway…

But you took the offered cup, you held the delicate china, you sipped that tea that smelled of roses…

And your damn mind keeps chastising you. Telling you to listen, to wake up, to get out of there. But you don't listen, do you?

Nah, you never ever listen. Head-first, that's you.

But you know…this time…this time, something else got ahead. You weren't thinking.

You were reacting. You were feeling. You were acting on emotions best left for dead…

You did what no one should ever do on a job.

You got involved.

And the world swims in black.

~

'They found his body in the river. He was a John Doe for a week or more until you came claiming him. Shady business this one I think…don't you?" The young man in the morgue asks.

Utena doesn't answer. It's a dead-end. Every resource to find this guy…and he is dead. It leaves a bad taste in Utena's mouth.

Something is telling Utena that this is not the end of it all.

She looks over the body. All blue and gray and bloated. Red hair to the shoulders, slick and greasy with river slime. No dirt under the fingernails. No cuts, no bruises. Every body part intact. Nice shiny silver ring stuck on a swelled-up finger.

Utena tries to pry it off, but is stopped by the morgue attendant.

'You shouldn't mess with that.' He tells her, his fingers around her wrist. She watches him step back quietly and shove blue-tinted hair out of his eyes.

'It's my evidence. Send it to me once you are done, okay?' Utena calls out, pushing the swinging door out and leaving.

~

__

'We can make this work. I know how to make it work. We can get away, I can get you away…' You murmur to her, to yourself. But are you really talking aloud? How should you know? Days could have gone by, months, years…

And who would look for you? The only person who cares about you is you. Only you would search for you. Only you would follow the trail and pick up the clues.

Only you can find you.

Only you can find you.

Only you can find you.

~~~

TBC


	4. San

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy for now…

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

~~~

Utena ignores the note on the desk of her secretary. The note written by this little wisp of a girl, her hair the color of dusk in a country sky, her nails pointy and candy-apple red. The note says 'I quit. Your pay sucks.' 

Signed with a comical 'xxoo' and a smudged kiss of claret.

That girl was always late. She never made coffee. She never put up the files.

Utena always knew she would quit.

They always quit, in the end…they always give up just as things are getting good.

Just as things get interesting…

…no one can be found…

And Utena called the 'princess'. 

And the 'princess' cried even though she claimed to hate the dead man.

She cried and cried and cried. As if her life was over, as if the very thing that made her rise up every morning had been ripped away.

'They finally got to him…the finally got him from me…they took him from me…' The 'princess' sobbed down the line. Utena didn't want to hear anymore, but the words reached her ears anyway.

'They killed him…they killed my brother.'

~

__

You follow them because you need to know.

You follow them because it is your job.

But you tell yourself these lies to make it easier, to not feel so out of control of the situation.

And what you see…what you think you see…

Have you lost your mind? What kind of game is this? Who are these people?

A man thought buried is standing alive.

A man thought pointless is wielding power.

A woman thought childish is painfully adult.

A woman thought innocent is completely evil.

Everyone is not as they seem.

Even you…even you…

~

A ring of silver in an envelope. A name vaguely familiar. He was in corporate takeovers and Wall Street intrigue. He was wealthy. He was handsome. He never married but had oh so many lovers…

And a devoted sister.

And secrets…oh so many secrets…

Kiryuu Touga.

Floating in the river. Missing for weeks. Frantic sister, claiming that he was a lover and she was the jilted 'better' half. 

Oh so many secrets…

Utena toys with the ring, spinning it on her desktop. 

Sliding it back and forth on a pencil.

Letting the light catch on the silver…still so clean, no muck caught in the grooves of the nice little rose design. Utena can even see the faint color of pink.

She holds it closer to the lamp and studies it.

It is beautiful.

And one of those 'easy' choices come up…Utena never claimed to be perfect.

She pockets the ring.

~

__

'You can stay here…if you're scared. I don't mind.' You say, trying to sound confident and sure. But you feel it pull at your gut, the want and the desire. Having her so close to you…having her here…it is a temptation.

Are you testing yourself? To make sure, just to really make sure, that you won't do anything to cause more trouble than you can afford…?

'Thank you.' She answers quietly, moving to your bedroom as if she owns it.

And you think maybe she does. Maybe she does own that room, that bed…maybe she owns **you**…

Or maybe you just want her to.

Maybe it has been too long since you've felt this way. Maybe it has been way too long since you've let anyone in. 

'Stay with me…' She whispers into your ear.

And dear God, you are falling so fast…inhaling the sweet scent of her hair and her skin. You are on fire at her touch. You are brought to life with her kiss.

She is the beginning, the middle and the end. She is everything.

~

'Everyone and no one has a place here'

Utena sits at the bar and nurses a beer. She watches the bums come in off the street and try to pass off bottle-tops as change. She watches a couple police officers walk in and take a booth. And she re-reads the sign over the doorway-- 'everyone and no one has a place here'.

'Tenjou Utena?' 

Utena turns around on her stool, her hand drifting down to her side. Never know who might be behind you…

Eyes do a slight double-take. The morgue attendant. All pale and thin. Looking spooked…or he is on something.

Most of them are on something. Drugs to stay awake. Drugs to go to sleep. Drugs to keep the demons away.

'Yea?' Utena answers, turning away again and back to her barely touched drink.

'I need your help. Only you can help me.'

Utena has heard this all before.

'My sister is gone. I can't find her…she was supposed to come home…no one has seen her…'

Cue the tears. Cue the trembling lip.

'I can pay you some…I don't have much.'

Blah, blah, blah.

'I'm not taking any new cases right now. Sorry.'

And a picture is thrust down onto the sticky bar. A bit dated perhaps. A little worse for wear…but Utena knows that face.

She knows this girl. The girl that quit today, at her office. The girl that Utena knew would eventually quit.

'Only **you** can find her. Please.' The morgue attendant whispers brokenly.

And that bad taste comes back to Utena's mouth.

~~~

TBC


	5. Shi

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [other implied relationships]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

~~~

__

'Why did you lie about your relationship with the deceased?' You ask, not sure if you really want to know the answer.

'That is none of your concern. I'll pay you for your services and consider this case closed.' 'Princess' tells you. And you know that she is evading the question. And you know it is none of your business. She has paid you for your time. As she said--case closed. But you don't buy that, do you?

The murkiness of it all is niggling at you. It twists your brain up. It raises your hackles.

Like any good gambler, you play your hand and hope that lady-luck smiles on you.

Because you'll need it. Oh…you'll need it…

'Does this look familiar?' And you hold up the ring you kept. You let the light shine on it and see it reflected in her eyes.

She says nothing. Her face is stone. Liquid and living pools become chips of long-buried ice…

'Pretty trinket, isn't it Princess?' You state with a lazy smile. Trying to draw her out, trying to get at the truth…

But it doesn't work. Lady-luck is being a bitch today.

'Not in the slightest.' 'Princess' replies.

She leaves a hefty stack of cash on your desk.

She walks out and slams the door.

And the only reminder that she was here is the scent of Chanel No. 5 hanging in your office.

~

Utena meets the guy at a park.

And he tells his story. How they grew up together. How their parents got divorced when they were young. How they only had each other. How they sometimes fought, but not seriously. Just like siblings do…that's all.

Certainly not enough for her to just disappear.

And Utena watches him speak, watches his eyes dart back and forth over the passing people. 

Even beyond those people, watching the trees…watching the shadows…

Is he looking for cops?

Is he looking for a hit?

Or is he looking for something else completely…?

'I thought you couldn't take another case…thank you though, thank you so much. I don't know what I'd do without her…' He says softly, chipping away at a fingernail.

Utena doesn't do sympathy.

She feels no need to console him. She feels no need to offer compassion.

'Just send the installment amount and I'll get started then.' Utena says, standing up and walking away.

'You took the ring for yourself didn't you?' He asks quietly…too quietly…

And Utena pretends not to hear him. She just keeps walking, keeps on going, keeps ignoring that feeling deep inside of her.

That voice tells her that feelings never ever lie.

~

__

You awake in the morning. Alone.

And you think you must have dreamed it all…it was all a terrible and wonderful dream. Time out of time. A reality all its own.

You dig around in your musty boxes and pull out childhood keepsakes you would never admit to holding onto.

You tend to ignore your past. You don't want to remember the pain of being so young and vulnerable and naïve. You just don't want to remember at all.

Out come photos of your mother. So much more beautiful than you can recall.

Out come photos of your father. So much more handsome than you can recall.

Endless photographs and report cards and drawings and toys.

Endless memories…images forever tainted by the present.

You'll never be whole again.

You'll never be happy again.

And you cry into papers turned yellow over years, you crumble to the floor and clutch pictures to your chest.

You sob until your bones ache and you cannot see.

Fate had its way with you as a child, didn't it?

And though you think you have moved on, you are still there…trapped by your own emotions. You are forever buried alive.

~

People ask about it. They see it and assume the best.

Utena just laughs and does not answer.

The ring is on her finger. She cannot seem to find the will to take it off.

She feels connected somehow, she feels complete now…this ring makes her whole.

Utena looks for the girl, but never finds her. 

Red-light districts.

Motels.

Bars.

Not a trace. Just gone. Or maybe she does not want to be found.

Utena flashes her picture around and gets nothing. She tells the young man that his sister is gone. Just…gone…

'I spend hours tending to the dead, now she is as good as dead. I thought we were safe…but I was only fooling myself I suppose. No one is safe. Ever.' And he looks at Utena with too sharp of a gaze.

As if he knows so much more than he is letting on.

He smiles sadly at her, pulling a white sheet over a long body.

'Say hello to her for me. Tell her I love her.' He whispers.

Utena walks out without a word. She walks all the way to her building. All the way to her office. All the way to her desk.

The light is already on and the seat is no longer empty.

'Who are you?' Utena asks, her hand moving quick to her gun. The chair turns around and all Utena can see is the shaft of light upon her brown neck.

'Himemiya Anthy. I need you to find someone for me…and you come highly recommended.'

~~~

TBC


	6. Go

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

~~~

Instant.

Attraction.

Utena thinks that is crap. It doesn't happen. People create illusions and other people fall into those illusions. Love

is like that. 

But Utena is having a hard time with that belief now. Now, with this woman sitting in her chair and keeping her

eyes hidden.

…instant…

She can feel it curl up in her abdomen and wind outward, seeping into her bloodstream and entering the nerve

system. She can feel it pulsing and throbbing along the skin and deep into the muscles. 

'Will you help me?' Himemiya Anthy asks, moving forward and letting her face be seen. 

Utena looks up and feels like she is drowning.

…attraction…

She studies the contours of the woman's face. She looks into her eyes. She grazes over slightly parted lips and

indecent imagery floods Utena's brain.

'Beautiful ring.' Himemiya Anthy says softly, her eyes lingering over Utena's hand.

'I know.' Utena manages to return, her throat threatening to close up on her voice.

Himemiya Anthy stands up and rounds the corner of the desk. 

And she gets so close without coming into real contact that Utena feels like screaming…or moving…or something…

'Will you help me?' Himemiya Anthy asks once more.

Utena could not say no. Not to her, never to someone like her…

So Utena let her in.

And that was her first mistake.

~

__

A man sees it and claims it is an antique.

But you aren't selling. He is so persistent, offering insane amounts of money. You catch the determined gleam in

his eyes.

He needs it like one needs air.

He wants it more than life itself.

'It's just a ring.' You state, though you do not believe that line anymore than he does. He laughs, but it is not

mirthful.

'You really are a fool. That ring…that ring is the key. I must have it. I must.'

You ask his name and you know the one he gives you is a false one.

You ask if he knew Kiryuu Touga and you see his jaw tighten.

You tell him lots of people seem to know about this ring or seem to be interested in it. You watch the confidence

turn to anger.

'I deserve it! I have already waited too long for my chance…it is my time! My time!' He yells, startling others on

the sidewalk. They avoid the two of you, mucking up the foot traffic and disturbing the peace.

'Tell me all about it and maybe I'll sell it to you…' You offer.

And he smiles like the Cheshire Cat, quietly putting his hands into his blazer pockets.

'If you do not already know, you do not deserve to know.'

~

God, Utena knows it is too coincidental. All these people vanishing into thin air.

Brothers. Sisters. Everyone knows more than they say and never say what they mean. Sometimes being a

detective isn't easy.

Each problem you solve only uncovers another one, each step forward is followed by two steps backwards.

Himemiya Anthy walks beside her and into a café. She doesn't ask what Utena wants to drink. She gets tea that

smells like roses.

'It is good for you.' Anthy smiles. And Utena smiles back though she is not fond of tea.

Utena asks all the right questions. She does not look for too long into Anthy's eyes for it is too distracting. A

person should not be that distracting.

Anthy gives all the right answers…or so it seems.

Utena knows some of them are not true. No one tells the absolute truth. But she is willing to extend a little trust

to Anthy…just a little…

How else can she expect to get to spend more time with the woman?

'I've seen that ring before.' Anthy says, taking Utena's hand in her own. 

Her skin is so warm…

__

She knows about the ring…

Her touch is so gentle…

__

Why does everyone want this ring…?

I want her so badly…

__

All to do with this ring…

Utena pulls her hand away and smiles. 'Where have you seen it?'

'It belongs to a school. Only certain…graduates can wear it. Did you go there?'

And the lie begins to unravel.

~~~

TBC


	7. Roku

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi' [also slight sexual content to this part…]

~~~

__

'C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon--now touch me babe

Can't you see that I am not afraid… What was that promise 

That you made? Why won't you tell me what she said?

What was that promise that you made?'

'Stop. Wait…be quiet…'

Utena whispers this into Anthy's ear as they near her office once more.

Sounds of shuffling papers.

Chair scraping on the wooden floor.

Utena hears her own breathing. She can hear her own heartbeat.

And she can hear Anthy reach out slowly, the cloth moving against cloth…

Utena feels a hand slide down her arm, skirting over the flesh of Utena's hand and under Utena's cheap overcoat.

'What are you--?' Utena tries to ask but Anthy smiles at her, pulling the gun out of the worn leather holster. 

Placing it into Utena's hand.

Wrapping Utena's fingers over the hilt.

'They'll kill you if they know…' Anthy says, her voice like that of a ghost.

'Know what?' Utena demands.

'That you have me, of course.' Anthy replies with a smile.

__

And so the lie unravels…

The door busts open and Utena pushes Anthy back.

Reacting. Not acting.

Too many questions. Not enough answers.

The hallway is flooded with light, too bright to be a lamp…much too bright…

Utena yells for Anthy to run.

She watches someone approach from the glare. 

__

…and so…

She pulls the trigger and feels the reverberation through her entire body.

__

…the lie…

She drops to her knees, rolling to the right and into the bathroom. 

Utena listens.

And hears nothing. No return fire. No running. Nothing.

Did Anthy get away? And why are they after her? Was her claim of searching for someone a lie? Is this **all **a lie?

Utena nears the edge of the doorway, thrusting her gun around first then her head.

Papers scattered. A man in a suit coughing up blood.

'The ring…I must have the ring…he said the ring would help me, I could have everything with the ring…eternity is with the ring. Eternity…eternity…'

Utena knows him without getting too close.

The man on the street. The man who needed the ring.

'…eternity…' 

Whispered with a river of blood passing his lips, oozing to the floor and forming a puddle.

Whispered like it is the word of God.

Utena looks at the silver band on her finger, murmuring the word over and over.

'Eternity….eternity….eternity….'

__

…unravels…

~

__

You've seen them before.

In your dreams. In your fantasies.

Those things that are unattainable to you. The brass ring. The golden egg.

That castle on the hill, overlooking the kingdom…

But now you have it.

This ring. This ring.

It is eternity.

You've dreamed of this. Of finding peace, of finding happiness, of finding riches.

This ring. This ring.

It can give you everything. You know it. You feel it.

And it has already worked its first miracle.

It has given you her.

And she waits for you, waits on you, needs you, wants you, must have you, must keep you close, depends on you, fears you, loves you, hates you…

You are everything to her.

And that is the power of this ring.

That is eternity.

…then you wake up…

And the clock is ticking. And the faucet is still dripping in the kitchen. And the traffic of the city is still too loud. And the blankets feel too heavy. And everything you thought was real was not.

You decide to stay in bed today.

~

Utena slams the door shut and jerks Anthy to the couch, shoving her down.

'Now, you tell me what the hell is going on. Who was that guy?' Utena asks.

'He wants me.'

'No. Wrong. He wants this.' Utena holds up her hand.

'That ring and I are pretty much the same thing. Beautiful and…misunderstood.'

Utena begins to pace back and forth.

'That is bullshit. I saw him. He wanted this ring and nothing else…no mention of you at all. So you better front up with the truth this time or your ass is out.'

Utena watches in agony as Anthy smiles like an angel, looking far too good for this dingy apartment.

'The truth is so…complicated. I am looking for the man who created that ring. And he, in turn, is looking for me. That is the closest to the truth that I can give you.'

Utena knows that cannot be all to it.

Two men dead. A missing girl. A sad morgue attendant. A bitter 'princess'.

A gorgeous woman sitting on a cheap and used couch.

And one detective left to figure things out, put them together and make the picture crystal clear.

Utena sighs.

'You should go home. Or to a hotel. Or wherever you are staying.'

'I have nowhere to go.' Anthy answers.

Utena feels a slow burn crawl up her body.

'Too bad for you then.' Utena retorts, keeping her back turned. 

Don't look into her eyes, don't look, don't look…

But it does not work, not in the end.

Utena listens to the doorknob turn and spins around. She pulls Anthy back inside and keeps her up against the door. She can feel the curves of Anthy's body. She can feel Anthy's pulse speed up. 

'I know you are lying to me.' Utena hisses out.

'I know you know.' Anthy says softly, drawing closer to Utena's face.

Utena swallows and her lips move of their own accord.

'Is this eternity?' Utena asks in a tiny whisper.

'Yes.' Anthy exhales as Utena claims her mouth.

As Utena envelopes Anthy into her arms.

As Utena delves under clothing to the skin.

As Utena shudders to the cool air and the wet tongue traveling over her body.

As Utena tastes the sweat on naked flesh.

As Utena consumes Anthy and is consumed by Anthy.

Anthy. Anthy. Anthy.

'I'm gonna love you till the heavens stop the rain,

I'm gonna love you till the stars fall from the sky…for you and I.'

['Touch Me' by The Doors]

~~~

TBC

__


	8. Nana

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

~~~

__

'Night is a candle…' she whispers out into the darkness.

'You must burn it down, watch it melt at the touch of real fire…I am fire and you are wax. I've come to burn you down.'

And you beg to be reduced to hard white upon the floor.

~

And Utena sees him sitting at the bar. Everyone who comes there ends up staying there…in the end.

He is incredibly young for such a serious job as tending to the dead.

His eyes seem so lost, so sad and old.

Utena does not do sympathy.

But she also never does what she did last night…with a client…with someone who is openly lying…

So, maybe Utena is the one lying now.

All those things she says she **won't **do are the very things she ends up doing.

Utena is a detective. Not a psychologist. 

She won't dig too deep…or at least that is what she tries to believe.

'Still no sign of her?' Utena asks.

'I get letters. From her, from her new…lover…ignoring them is getting hard. How about you? Still got the ring?' 

Utena shoves past the personal question, sticking to this guy and his story.

'So at least she is alive then. Your sister is lucky.' Utena states, grabbing a small handful of stale pretzels.

'Lucky. Sure. And you didn't answer me…about the ring.'

Utena sighs. 'Why so curious?'

'I went to that school.'

Utena feels her stomach tighten for no reason. She can feel the air move against her face. She can smell the dirt past the spilled beer and sweat--she can smell a garden. She can smell roses.

'Imagine that.' Utena says quietly, her head spinning.

'We've all gone there at some point. Some of us failed…**most** of us failed…' At that he chuckles, letting his hair flop down into his eyes.

'And you? Where did you go to school?'

Utena struggles to answer. Struggles to form the words and make them breach the line of her mouth.

'Didn't. Been on my own for years now.' Utena replies in an audible gasp.

'So the ring sought you out, not the other way around.'

Utena forces her eyes to see past the pain throbbing in her skull.

'What the hell are you on about?' she asks.

And he laughs again, this time looking genuinely amused. He pushes away from the bar and offers his hand. Utena takes it and feels everything settle again.

No garden.

No pain.

'I don't think I told you my name before. I'm Kaoru Miki…and if you ever need my help, I don't mind going back. I could see Kozue again…'

Utena sits silent. The sound of baseball on the television is muted. And she watches the young man pull away, his lips moving quietly and speaking without volume.

'Eternity has chosen you.'

~

__

You used to blame her for your pain.

You used to hate her for leaving you.

You used to cherish an ideal, you used to give your faith to idols.

All of that has fallen away with your new eyes.

Now you see the true beauty in the unknown and the uncaring.

Life is about living, not about dreaming.

Living is about growing up, not about remaining a child.

You used to run from the world…until she gave you a reason to stand still.

You are standing still.

You are standing…still…

You have survived. You are the one to make it. You are alive.

Heaven above and Hell below, you are **still** alive…

Everyone else is clinging to the sides. Everyone else failed.

And you…you are the chosen one.

She chose you.

And all you have to do is choose her back, all you have to do is…is…

…believe…

~

'Who got your brother? Who do you think killed him?' Utena questions.

Call it foolish. Call it pointless.

But a detective, at least one worth carrying the title, never stops until the case is solved. And Utena is feeling very determined now.

'Princess' looks so angry and put-out.

'I told you that this matter is closed for you, Tenjou. Now, if you'll excuse me, I am late for a meeting.'

'Sorry, but I can't 'excuse' you--I want answers. Don't you? Don't you want to catch the people responsible?'

'Princess' lets the telephone ring for a full minute before answering it. Her face lights up and her lips form a deadly smirk. Utena leans back into her seat.

'That was the Kiryuu lawyer. She has a few questions for you, so you can talk to her all you want…I'm already late as it is.'

'Princess' smiles sweetly, like a viper. Utena watches her walk out of the modern-style office. 

All the talk was that she took over quick enough to make your head spin. Dear brother hadn't even been found yet and she was named head of his holdings…maybe she killed him.

Or hired someone to kill him. Utena glances at the desk. 

A nice photograph of the happy siblings. Arm in arm. 'Princess' looks so pleased with herself and he looks so bored. The rich and the useless…

'As the only relative still living in the Kiryuu family, Kiryuu Nanami has quite a bit on her plate these days. An interfering private investigator is not welcomed…especially one paid so handsomely for their services.' A cold and pitch-perfect voice echoes from behind.

Utena has no time to react as a hand is thrust into her face. She follows the pinstriped tailored suit arm to piercing turquoise eyes.

'Arisugawa Juri. And I have some issues to take up with you concerning a missing item that should have been on Kiryuu Touga's person.'

With that, this Arisugawa Juri jerked Utena's hand up and focused on the ring.

~~~

TBC


	9. Hachi

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

~~~

__

'Want to dance?' She asks you and you, blushing like a virgin, agree.

Hands hold you close and lips get dangerously close to your earlobe…whispering sweet nothings and decadent promises.

There are many types of flame.

Blue. Orange. Red. Green.

And just because you've been touched by one, does not mean another cannot claim you.

The two of you dance. The others look on in astonishment and horror.

Neither one of you told the other what to wear and you both ended up wearing what was expected of you.

She, older and more worldly, in her designer dress with jewels to match.

You, younger and more naïve, in your monkey suit.

'This is just a dream, remember? Just a dream.' She tells you. And you nod, like you understand.

But you don't.

And she kisses you. Tender and soft kisses that make you melt, that make you sink to the floor, that make you offer up your body like a sacrifice.

She smiles at you like the cat who caught the canary.

~

Utena cannot fight the truth.

She took the ring. It was not hers to take. Simple as that.

But Utena felt like taking a chance now. She eyed this woman, this lawyer for the Kiryuu family. 

Crisp suit. Hair styled just-so. Perfume and faint application of make-up. 

Very professional. A shark…and Utena felt like a goldfish.

Utena took her hand away from this woman's hold.

'What are you talking about?' Utena asked, crossing her arms. Arisugawa Juri smiled slightly and moved to sit at the desk.

'That ring has been in the Kiryuu family for centuries. It is an heirloom. So, how about you give it back now and I won't contact the authorities?'

Utena smiled and leaned forward.

'I'll give it back **if** I get some answers first. Miss Kiryuu was not too forthcoming.'

'She told you the case was closed.' Arisugawa stated coldly, her eyes narrowing.

'Too bad then. I'm keeping the ring.' 

And Utena stood up, made a polite bow and walked to the door.

'What exactly do you want to know?' Arisugawa asked in a softer tone than before.

Utena turned around and grinned.

'Everything of course.'

~

__

You found the truth.

At long last, beyond tests and trials, you found it.

And the others, one day…one day they will thank you for clearing the way for them.

You made it easy for the ones to come.

You opened the gate. You did your job. You saved the innocent.

Well, maybe not all of them were innocent, but you did help them.

And maybe you didn't do it for free, but you did do it.

You are a Prince.

So, yea, your suit of armor is really a worn brown suit and tie…so what?

It is what is inside that counts.

Right?

~

It could be a lie, Utena thought as she sat in the park and watched the late afternoon sun disappear behind the clouds.

It all sounded too unreal. But something in that woman's eyes…something so close to fear, that Utena had to stare at the floor or be swallowed up by it.

Utena believed.

In her heart of hearts, she believed. But she had to be sure…

So, Utena planted a listening device in the office. She turned on the recorder in her coat pocket and placed the earphone in her ear.

Doors closing. Phones ringing. Papers shuffling.

__

'That ring is a curse. It killed Kiryuu Touga. It killed Kyouichi Saionji.' Arisugawa said quietly.

'I want it back. It was my brother's and now, rightfully, it should be mine.' Kiryuu Nanami returned, undeterred.

Sudden silence. A breath or two. Nothing more…for minutes, for what seemed like an eternity.

'Let me get it back then.' Arisugawa stated, the edge of stone apparent in her voice.

More silence.

'If that is your wish…alright…' Kiryuu Nanami replied, the snotty tone gone now. It was replaced by a feeling close to warmth. Or friendliness. Or something else.

'It is my wish. No one else needs to get trapped by that piece of useless silver.' Arisugawa murmured, her voice getting further away. A door slams.

Silence.

A faint whisper, almost too soft to be heard. 

'I love you, too.'

Utena turns the recorder off and watches the sun slip down out of the sky.

Arisugawa Juri said that the ring could be many things to many people.

Love. Honor. Deception. Jealousy. Greed. Passion.

And when Utena mentioned Himemiya Anthy, the lawyer raised an eyebrow.

'Well, she should know better than anyone. Her brother fashioned the ring.'

~

__

'I told you.'

'So you say…but did you really?'

And you watch her sitting at your table, the meal she fixed untouched.

'I said as much as I could under the circumstances.'

But you know there is more. The truth is lurking under the surface.

'I need more if people are dying, if people are going to come after me.'

And her eyes beg you not to ask. You almost give in, almost decide to just go with it and pretend that you don't care…but you can't.

Not now. Not now.

'Once you know, that is it. You cannot go back. You already know more than you should…'

'Tell me. I can protect the both of us.'

And she smiles at you sadly, like you are a fool.

And you are…you just don't know it yet.

~~~

TBC


	10. Kuu

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

~~~

Utena relaxed against the wall of the building and watched the flickering of the streetlight. The traffic had died down now. All the people were tucked away and safe…leaving room for the not-so-nice people to play.

She didn't do meeting like this unprepared. She was carrying her 9mm. She was watching every dark corner with sharp sight.

But she had been waiting for this call.

Ever since her meeting with Kiryuu Nanami and her 'lawyer', Utena was wondering how long they would wait before they made their move to get the ring back.

Three days.

Three days of quiet, three days in the eye of the storm.

Three days of bizarre solitude with this unknown woman of uncommon beauty--with Himemiya Anthy. 

Utena asked her, once, as they lay tangled in each other.

'What is really going on here? 'Coz what I am being told…it's unreal…' Utena whispered. Anthy tightened her hold on Utena's body, her nails lightly digging into the skin.

'This is only the beginning.' Anthy whispered back, her voice so very distant.

Utena wanted to ask more. She wanted all the answers…a detective is like that.

You can easily fall in the holes within a story if you can't see them.

But instead of talking, they began touching and kissing and exploring…

Even the most dedicated inquisitor would have given up and focused on the task at hand. So, Utena let it drop.

Now, the time was over.

All the bliss, ignorant though it may be, will end.

Whatever answers Anthy refuses to give, perhaps someone else will divulge…or perhaps Utena just brought herself a world of trouble.

~

__

You watch her sit down and you smile as if you hold all the right cards. 

'Fancy meeting you here.' You murmur. And she doesn't smile back.

She lays down a locket. She lays down an envelope with a crest to match the one on the ring you won't let go of. She lays down her 'hand'.

And what do you have to show? Your big bluff isn't working.

All you've got is the need to know, the blind faith of someone who doesn't know what is **really** going on. 

And she knows it. And she is telling you her story, though you don't deserve to know.

All her pain, all her tragedy, all her agony.

Wounded girls and lost love, stupid games and broken honor…

'Why do you want it back?' You ask, your voice hoarse and weak.

'Why do you want it so badly? Why do you want to believe in this lie? Why do you want a miracle to happen? Why do you keep trying?' She rattles the questions off like she has been waiting years to ask them to you.

And you have no answers for her.

None at all.

~

'Listen Tenjou, the ring isn't yours to have. I told you everything you wanted to know and I am also avoiding the authorities in this matter…what more do you want?' Arisugawa Juri asked with a sigh.

The café was crowded with poor college students and wannabe writers. Coffee was poured for you whether you wanted it or not. 'On the house…' the waiter said.

'Do you know where Himemiya Anthy's brother is or why he might be after her?' Utena asked. Juri sat quiet and a smile slowly crawled along her mouth.

'Ask her about him, Tenjou. I just want the ring back.'

Utena leaned across the small table, close enough to see the pupils dilate in Juri's eyes.

'You think it killed Kiryuu Touga and that guy rummaging around in my office, this Saionji fella…you think it is dangerous. And yet, you want to **give** it to your boss? Sounds like funny business to me.' Utena said in a hushed voice, like naughty schoolchildren who might get caught talking in class.

Juri snatched at Utena's hand and jerked it forward, bringing them more than just face-to-face. Her breath was hovering over Utena's lips, dancing over her cheeks and nose. Her grip tightened and her eyes lit up with anger.

'It is people like you that give this ring power, Tenjou. And if you want to die for it, then be my guest. But never imply that I would do the same thing…I deal in reality now…not in eternity.' Juri hissed out and then shoved Utena away again.

Utena watched her stand up and smooth out her suit. She grabbed her briefcase, gave Utena a brief nod and walked out.

Utena looked at her hand, at the red imprint of Arisugawa Juri's hold.

It burned.

~

__

Love is a funny thing.

It can make you a better person…or it can make you a lesser person.

Love is just like everything else--it can go sour.

Look at all those people who walk hand-in-hand, all those people who kiss in public, all those people who elope and runaway…

…they believe in the castle…

Do those stones come tumbling down? Does the garden continue to grow wild for them?

You don't need love…no, not you. And you don't need silly things like nobility or honesty…not you…

But then you stare at her as she sleeps, as she is wrapped up in your sheets and this feeling grows inside of you, this feeling like no other feeling.

It takes you over.

And you realize that you are ready to die for her, if need be.

If need be.

But you can't help but hope you don't have to…otherwise, what's the point?

~

Utena felt like a Peeping-Tom, only minus the 'peeping'. But listening was just as bad. Part and parcel with the profession, Utena tells herself.

It doesn't really help.

She listens to Kiryuu Nanami make calls. Order people around. Eat. Drink. Be a bitch basically, 24/7...

She wonders when Arisugawa will show up again…when will the two of them talk about the ring again? Or if they will talk about anything important at all…Utena did, after all, let the cat out of the bag about the listening device…in a roundabout way.

__

'What do you mean he was here? He can't be here…' Nanami says, her voice in a state of shock. A soft sigh.

'Don't worry. I told him nothing.' Arisugawa Juri states. 

Silence. More silence. Endless silence.

'I suppose I should thank you for not taking the ring…otherwise, he'd still be here…and I can't stand him…' Nanami said softly. 

Then the crying starts, barely sobbing…muffled in clothing. Then a tender 'shhhh…'.

'It's over now. That world is over now…with Touga gone and the ring gone, it is finally over, Nanami.' Juri says quietly.

'Thank you.' Nanami gets out in between sobs.

Utena cuts off the recorder and stops listening.

'He' was there, looking for…the ring…? But not really, Utena surmises.

'He' was really looking for a way to Anthy.

Utena gets up and walks down the sidewalk, hands in her coat pocket.

Back to her office. Back to the puzzle.

Back to the lies and the illusions.

Back to the one person who knows what is going on.

~~~

TBC


	11. Juu

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

~~~

__

'she's a big teaser, she took me half-a-way there

'she's a big teaser, she took me half-a-way there now…

'she was a day-tripper…a one-way ticket, yea…

'it took me so long to find out…and I found out…'

Utena felt like she was being followed.

It was a creepy feeling, sliding down her neck…burrowing through the skin and tapping at her spine.

Someone was watching.

Someone was stalking.

Utena jogged down two blocks and ducked into an alleyway.

She held her breath and drew her gun out. Past the distant horns of the trucks on the interstate, she could hear footsteps and crickets in the trees.

The steps stopped just outside of the alley. Utena just waited.

'I know you are in there. Come out and stop being silly.' A female voice called out.

Utena didn't know whether to risk it or not…but curiosity got the better of her. She walked out, with the gun pointed at her follower's head.

'Uh…could you point that somewhere else?' She asked. Utena didn't comply.

'What is your name and why are you tracking me?'

A small laugh and an amused arched eyebrow answered her. The young woman began to reach inside of her overcoat, but Utena stepped up to stop her. She shoved the woman against the brick wall, next to the bags of garbage.

'Not so fast, lady…' Utena whispered out, placing the barrel to the girl's temple.

Then Utena opened the overcoat herself, glancing for firearms…or something…

'If it's me you are interested in, we can discuss that later…' The woman murmured, the humor evident. Utena moved away and holstered her gun.

'Satisfied?' The woman questioned.

'Who are you?' 

'Takatsuki Shiori. I work for Himemiya Akio and he believes a meeting of sorts is in order.' 

'What kind of 'work' is this that you do?' Utena asked, her gut twisting into knots.

'Akio-san sells dreams, Tenjou Utena…and I think he has just the one for you.'

~

'_He and I were great once. Every place has a kingdom, an ideal of the perfect realm in which to reside…every person has a dream, to be kind and loved and perfect. _

He and I were those things…once…we had that place, we had those qualities. We had everything in our grasp. But dynasties can never live forever, not when one of us is greedy and the other is painfully weak. We had Camelot, Utena…and we burned it down. How can you imagine it? How can anyone imagine the fantasy we made real? Everyone now lives for today. Everyone now lives for themselves. But he and I, we lived to be legends…we told the story, we would spread the lie, we created the Garden here on Earth…

I have grown to hate that place. I have grown to despise our own blindness.

How could I let myself fall so far? I was a Goddess. I was born into glory. But I tossed it away…and for what? For his ultimate dream? His mighty plan to restore the world in the right way and to use peoples hearts for energy, to steal the dreams of the young and turn them into miracles…

Yes…like a fairy tale…he wanted to turn wheat into gold. And I spun the wheel all the damn time! I would kiss and cheat and smile and kill. 

Why would I want you to know this? You, the very person the ring looks for…the very person the ring **craves** for…

I am hoping against hope that you might take it off. Throw it away. Bury it.

I am hoping with everything inside of my broken spirit that you might hear these words and that they will influence you to save yourself.

You cannot save me. I am already lost…I am already a part of the illusion.'

~

Utena watched as Anthy sat silent at the table to her right, staring at this Takatsuki Shiori. And Takatsuki stared back, a faint smirk on her glossy lips.

Utena was going to start the talking, the questing for information…but she didn't have to. Anthy did.

'I am surprised he kept you on as his…'helper'. Anthy stated coldly. Shiori just smiled pleasantly.

'I am invaluable to him since you…'quit the business', so to speak.'

Anthy smiled back. The sight was actually chilling to Utena. She figured seeing a beautiful woman smile would be sexy or alluring…not like this.

It was like the smile of Death.

'I know why you are here.' Anthy said, her voice dropping to arctic levels. Takatsuki was not fazed.

'It is not like we are 'hiding', not like you are. Akio-san just misses you…surely you miss him as well?' 

'You must think I am mad…miss him? No distance is great enough, no place is sheltered enough to be far enough away from him.'

'How sad. Two siblings so estranged…I hate to inform him that you feel this way. But I will have some good news to give him.' And with that, Takatsuki glanced at Utena. 

Utena, for her part, had just listened. Gauging the sound in Anthy's voice, watching the reactions…trying to figure out what the hell they were talking about.

But now the spotlight was on her.

'Tenjou Utena, I have a propostion for you.' Takasuki stated. Utena looked to Anthy, but she merely looked away.

'What?'

'Akio-san wants that ring back, but he also wants to meet you. Not just anyone gets this ring, Tenjou-san…and not just anyone gets to meet Himemiya Akio either. Now, I know this is quite a decision for one to make…so here is my card. Call anytime, day or night…I'll always be around to answer.' She winked and grinned. 

Anthy got up abruptly and stormed off in the direction of Utena's bedroom.

Utena studied the card. Silver lettering. Ivory white.

'How much has she told you, Tenjou-san? About herself and her brother, about the ring?' Takatsuki asked quietly, moving her chair closer.

'Everyone seems to say a lot about nothing where this ring is concerned. It gives hope where there is none and takes life from the living…sound like a lot of supernatural mish-mosh to me…' Utena murmured. Takatsuki chuckled.

'That's what I thought as well…once upon a time…but it is all true. Every single word you have heard has its' truth. I really do think you meeting Akio-san would be important. He can tell you everything…' Takatsuki drifted off, leaning over and placing a soft kiss upon Utena's mouth.

Utena sat stunned for a second and then moved away.

'What are you doing?' She exclaimed and Takatsuki just continued grinning.

'Keeping good relations, Tenjou-san. It's my job.'

~

__

Give me back my reality…give me back the cold, hard ground…

I don't want to fly anymore. I don't want my wings to melt in the sky.

And you tell me no one can be saved from this outcome…and you tell me to run away and never look back…

But I can't run away. I can't leave you behind.

You…so like me…you and I are so very alike…

I just want to save you.

I just want to save us both.

Is that so bad?

~~~

TBC


	12. Juuichi

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi' [also lyrics used from 'Day Tripper' by The Beatles in last chapter]

~~~

'How did it go?' He asked, his voice slipping over her skin like velvet. He had that affect on everyone, male or female. Shiori smiled into the darkness and began to slowly disrobe. She made her way over to him and aligned her body against his.

'She is as good as caught.' Shiori whispered.

And he laughed for the first time in years and years. Shiori ignored how cold it made her feel…

~

Utena stood for a long time at the threshold of her bedroom.

She looked at the outline of Anthy in her bed, faking slumber and shutting her out.

But then, Utena remembered, she had been shut out the whole time.

Himemiya Anthy came to her seeking Utena's services as a detective, to find someone…but that wasn't it at all.

She came for protection from her brother. She came to hide. She came to escape this ring…

Utena look at her hand, at her fourth finger. The silver glittered in any type of light. It begged you to cherish it…to desire it…to live up to its' power.

Suddenly, the sheets were thrown back and Anthy stalked over to her, jerking Utena's hand up and ripped the ring off.

It took some of Utena's skin with it.

'What the fuck…?' Utena exclaimed, clutching her finger as it began to weakly bleed.

'You must decide, Utena. This ring…or me…' Anthy said calmly, but her eyes were anything but calm. They were a storm of emotions--anger, fear and confusion.

'What are you talking about? It is just a stupid ring!' Utena shouted, not entirely sure why she was now getting upset. Things were not making much sense ever since Utena found Kiryuu Touga's body, things were rapidly turning upside-down…

'Are you really that dense? Have you not heard **anything**? He wants to meet you, Utena. He wants you and this ring, together…and he'll do anything to sway you…' Anthy drifted off, her body sagging against the doorframe.

'Sway me from what, Anthy? You need to tell me everything…please…' Utena shoved her own feelings of growing panic aside and came closer to Anthy. She ran her fingers through Anthy's violet hair, but Anthy shoved her hand away.

'I don't want you blood on me, Utena. I've had too much blood on me, too much of others pain living on me…in me…I can't have yours as well.' Anthy said in a tired voice. Utena stepped back, feeling very rebuked and hurt.

'I just wanted to protect you. That's all.' Utena stated.

But Anthy said nothing, so Utena gave up. That was that. No more games with these people…they want Anthy, they can have her. They want the ring, they can have it. Utena just wanted out.

'I'm going out…and I want you gone when I get back.' Utena said before slamming the door and leaving this whole mess behind.

~

__

You have always taken the hard way.

You would not be you without a little trouble or difficulty…

But now, you wonder if a whole lot of shit couldn't have been avoided if you had just ignored your pride and walked away.

So, this time you do just that.

You walk away.

Though every part of you is screaming to go back, though every part of you is desperate to return to the path Fate has carved out for you…just continue to walk away, don't look back…

And the city is pretty at night, you think as you walk along places you've known for years now. The building with blue lights. The lamp-posts and the moths dancing around them. Red taillights of taxis, sounds of shuffling feet on concrete…your own personal symphony of color and sound.

You see the bar you drink at and enter it, hoping for a small consolation. Here is your prize for almost getting there, but having the sense to let it go before it is just taken from you…

He sits at your seat. And you smile, for you finally get it. You get why he said you should take the damn thing off in the first place. You get why he looks so sad all the time.

'You took it off.' He states as you order a beer.

'She took it from me.' You correct him. And he watches you in silence, ponders you.

You let him. Let him think what he wants to…you don't care anymore, do you?

'You know…it's kinda funny, meeting you…' He says with a small smile. And you just look over at him, waiting for him to continue.

'For a minute there, I thought you were the one.' He finishes, taking a sip of his drink. 

'The one…what?' You ask, the beer you drink tasting stale. He looks at you once more and studies your face, as if he is seeing you for the first time.

'The one to take Him down. He has held onto all of us for so long…and he still holds onto others even more so…The ones He can no longer use, he disposes of--one way or another. The rest of us run.'

And you are staring at him, the breath inside of you stopping, the protons and neutrons in your brain refusing to spark. Is this…? Is this…?

'He never thought She could love anyone but him. But she took the ring from you…He was so wrong.' The young man says quietly, sliding dollar bills over the bar and to the bartender. 

You sit like a statue as he moves away.

You sit there for what feels like hours, the blood growing cold in your veins. 

And you have a hard time finding it funny that the one time you decided to walk away is the only time you should have stayed…

~

Utena sits at the table and stares at the card with Takatsuki Shiori's name on it.

Scribbled on the back is one small and delicate sentence…

'One day, you will understand.'

It wasn't there before, so it had to have been Anthy. 

And Utena feels hollow, like someone has sucked the air out of her body.

'Shit…' Utena whispers out into her empty apartment. She had made a real disaster of everything. And now she had to make a choice, the last choice--and no turning back once everything is said and done.

Utena had to make up her mind, now that she was slowly starting to understand…and to believe…

Anthy said to pick between the ring or her, but they are one and the same. Just like Anthy said before. They are the same.

If you take the ring, you take Anthy. And you choose to protect and cherish the both of them…

Miki said she never loved anyone, but that she must now…

And that is all Utena needed to know, all she needed to feel and understand.

The rest will fall into place as she goes along, like always.

The hard path is full of holes and unanswered questions and missteps…

…but it is what lies at the end of that path that makes it all worth it…

~~~

TBC


	13. Juuni

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

~~~

__

'no, nothing's here, I close my eyes it's on the other side

'and what I've worked so hard to gain I'd gladly give away

'cause I don't need this I don't need it I need more…'

~

'Why did you call me here?' Arisugawa Juri asked, sitting down at the bar. Utena took a sip of her beer.

'Drink?' Utena asked. Juri watched her for a moment in silence.

'Scotch. On the rocks.'

So Utena ordered it up, watching the bartender turn to the many bottles on the shelf. Ice clinking against glass and sweet brown liquid poured upon it. Utena asked for a refill on her chilled mug.

'I would like an answer to my question.' Juri reminded as her drink was placed in front of her on an off-white napkin.

'I need your help with this whole 'ring' business.' 

Juri laughed then, a ripple of sound so delighted yet cold. She took an even sip of her scotch.

'I have no intention in having anything to do with that ring. Ever.'

'But you seemed so interested before…' Utena commented. 

'Well, the 'interest' is gone now, Tenjou. I suggest you do the same.'

They sat in quiet for endless seconds. Utena nursing her second beer and Juri working on her tumbler of scotch.

'I can't do that. Neither can you. None of you can…none of you can really let go, can you? That's why Kiryuu Touga died. That's why Saionji died. That's why Kaoru Miki is so damn sad and his sister, Kozue, has run off. That's why Kiryuu Nanami hides behind you…and why you try to shelter her…it dictates all you do.' 

Utena finished talking and pushed her drink away. She didn't feel like it anymore.

She could feel Juri's eyes on her like the aim from a rifle. She could feel the other woman's tug-of-war inside, the one side saying to go away and the other asking to fight. Utena just had to find the right button to push.

'I want to find this Akio. I want to get this damn mess behind me, solved and filed away…that is my job after all. And I'd be lying if I said it had nothing to do with Anthy.'

At that, Utena could see Juri smirk out of the corner of her eye. Utena smirked back.

'So, the little girl got under your skin as well…' It wasn't a question at all.

'Did she get under yours?'

Juri knocked back the last of her drink and signaled for another.

'No. Not me…but others. You are not the first, nor will you be the last, Tenjou.'

'We'll see if you are wrong or right…**if** you help me out here.' 

Juri watched Utena for some time, scanning over her face as if trying to imprint the image to her memory. 

'I want Nanami kept out of it.'

'Done. Anything else?'

'Just that I don't think you get this at all, Tenjou. This is more complicated than you realize.'

Utena sighed and paid her tab.

'Don't think I haven't noticed…'

~

__

Will people read about this one day?

Will they see sketches of you in white, battling the villain in black?

Will they run their fingers over the words that proclaim your victories?

You hope so. Everyone needs to know about it.

You'll be the name on all the lips of the children, you'll be in every page of the dime-store novel, you'll be Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's inspiration.

Sam Spade trapped in a girls body.

The pretty dames, the smoking gun and a trail of dead…

The castle, the dueling arena and a garden of roses…

It's all the same. 

Nothing has changed.

~

'She made it out then?' Kaoru Miki asked, his big blue eyes so hopeful. Utena just nodded in the affirmative.

He sighed and smiled.

'I should have known she would. Juri is like that, nothing keeps her down.'

'And she is going to help me.'

Miki looked up for a second then back down to the body below.

'With what exactly?'

'With seeing Himemiya Akio.'

The scissors clattered to the floor, slipping too easily from Miki's latex-gloved hands. He didn't bend to pick them up.

'You don't have to help out, you know. I understand if you can't do it…but I have to do it. Anthy has gone to him and if it is to save me, as you said at the bar…I can't have that. No one saves me but me.'

She watched Miki zone out, seeing something only he could see. Perhaps his past…perhaps his loss years…perhaps his sister, gone from his side…

'Kozue is with him.' 

Utena felt a grin tug at her lips.

'Seems this Akio guy gets all the chicks.' 

Miki just ignored her comment, pulling the sheet over the corpse and then sliding the gloves off. He tossed them into a shiny silver trash can.

'Why does a detective care so much about this twisted fairy-tale?' Miki asked quietly.

And Utena wasn't sure if she had the perfect answer for the guy. Was she 'the one', as Miki once said? Did she harbor some need to rescue others? Or maybe she was just damn stubborn? Maybe she didn't want to give up on this particular case just yet…or maybe it was more simple than that.

Maybe Utena is just a two-bit PI who has spent her life from one dodgy deal to the next…and she finally got a glimpse of something beautiful, something worth fighting for.

'I don't care. I just don't like leaving things unfinished. So…you in or out?'

Miki smiled slightly, flipping the switch to the florescent lights and putting the room in eerie darkness.

'I'm in, Tenjou Utena.'

~

__

'a postcard from where life's a thrill on top of Marvel Hill

'but I don't need this I don't need it I need more

'no, I don't need this too good to be true too good to ignore

'I don't need this I need so much more it's too much to ask for…'

'Marvel Hill' by The Cardigans

~~~

TBC


	14. an interlude

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

~~~

__

[An Interlude Wrapped In A Dream]

Everyone uses a catch phrase sometimes. A nice little line that just sums up a moment in time, something you swipe from a book or movie or even another person. We all do it now and again.

A soundtrack runs along in our brains, giving us the music to live day-to-day life to…and then the monologue begins.

Talking to yourself, a never-ending Q&A session inside your head.

You want life to play out like a screenplay?

So be it.

~

__

'I am **so **not in Kansas anymore…' Utena says as she stands unmoving, blocking the others from getting in. A few unkind requests to shuffle it along jolts her out of the stupor.

Utena was used to the silly daydreams of her youth. Gonna be famous, gonna be rich…gonna fall in love…yadda, yadda, yadda.

Utena was even used to the disturbing dichotomy of images that plagued her nighttime playground: ordinary activities tinged with surreal hues…solutions to eon-old problems that fade with the dawn.

But this one…this one is a real doozy.

Utena checks herself out in a full-length mirror.

Black tux, looking a little worse for wear, fits her snugly. Utena knows she does not own a tuxedo, but this is a dream…so who cares?

'Here's your number, Tenjou-san.' A young girl says, handing Utena a small ticket of paper. 

'Thirty-nine…' Utena murmurs. The girl, who looks a lot like someone Utena should know, winks and grins.

'A lucky number that one, Tenjou-san…can I show you to your regular table?' 

'Yea…sure.'

Utena follows the girl in, who keeps looking back and grinning. Utena grins back.

'Here you go. I'll have your drink brought over in just a second.' Still grinning.

Utena snatches her arm and pulls her closer. The girl blushes, a nice pink spreading over her cheeks.

'What's your name again, lovely?'

'You really are such a joker, Tenjou-san…' a playful slap on the wrist '…you know my name is Wakaba.'

And with that, she darts off. 

Utena scans the crowded restaurant. Some of the faces are familiar to her…almost bizarrely familiar…

Two men sit at the bar, the same dapper attire on them that Utena herself wears.

One is smiling lazy-like, his hands slipping through the hair of some young girl…and he touches her skin like it is heaven.

The other guy knocks back something in a shot glass and loosens his black bow-tie.

Utena can tell without being up-close that the girl and the alcohol is not the main attraction for these two.

The eyes are watching everything too much. Too attentive.

A drink is put down in front of her and Utena follows the arm up.

'I know you right?' Utena smiles.

The woman smiles back and sits herself down. Orange curls frame her face as she leans forward, kissing Utena's lips like it is normal.

'You play dangerous games, Utena. Coming here after being thrown out…you must like getting burned…' She coos breathlessly. Utena just keeps on smiling.

'I like fire. Don't you?' 

'Sometimes. And sometimes…' she stands up and offers her hand '…I like to play things cool. Dance?'

Utena takes her hand and allows the woman to take the lead. The woman snaps her fingers and the music begins, soft jazzy piano coming from the dimly lit stage.

Others join the floor, swirling couples and fancy dress and cigarette smoke.

'They have not seen you yet. You can still get out.' The woman whispers into Utena's ear. Utena holds her tight.

'Maybe I don't want to get out…' 

And the woman laughs, it ripples throughout her body. It's a nice feeling to Utena's fingertips.

'You did always love giving those two the runaround.'

And Utena glances at the two men at the bar. They are watching her now.

One with red hair. One with green hair. They whisper to each other and nod to each other. Like friends…

'Tell me something…' Utena looks at the woman expectantly. The woman smiles and rolls her eyes.

'Juri. Trust you to forget.'

'Tell me something, Juri…how often do I come here to play?'

Juri loses the smile, her eyes grow distant and Utena feels as though she is holding air instead of a person.

'Too often.' Juri answers as the lights go down and everyone returns to their tables.

Utena watches her walk away, merging with the people and leaving by a door next to the stage.

The piano player has his eyes closed. 

His fingers glide over the keys, giving heart to meaningless sound…Utena is sure that she knows him as well. The paleness of his face, his thin fingers, his disheveled blue hair…

A clock tolls and he smiles out to the crowd of people.

'Time for our star, ladies and gentlemen. The lady who makes you keep coming back, the lady who has won all our hearts--our very own songbird, the Rose Bride.'

Everyone begins to cheer, whistles echo through the people. The light forms a perfect circle of hazy purple to reveal the reason for the applause.

Surrounded by glittering bars of gold.

Rose petals covering her bare feet.

Wave upon wave of violet hair, seeming to sparkle under the glare of spotlight.

Spaghetti-strap red dress of satin that her body swims in.

And she pulls the microphone down, cupping its lifeless metal and wires to her lips…

…and the piano player begins to play once more…

'Please…release me…let me go…' Rose Bride croons, her voice slipping over Utena like velvet. 

And Utena is up once more, walking past the tables and ignore the commands to sit back down. She ignores the two men, leaving the bar and rushing toward her.

All Utena can see is the singer, the lady in a cage, The Rose Bride.

But as soon as she gets near, the curtain is drawn. The lights go up. The doors bust open and Utena spins around. 

Everyone is running to the exits. Utena stops Wakaba.

'What's going on?'

'Raid. C'mon…I'll get you out…'

'But what about the Rose Bride?'

'She knows the way out, Tenjou-san. She always has.'

Utena lets herself get dragged away, her eyes still watching the shielded stage.

Just behind the curtain, just **right **behind it…

As the door begins to slam shut, Utena can still hear her singing. But it is no longer a song…it is a plea.

'Please release me…let me go…'

~~~

TBC


	15. Juusan

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi' 

~~~

__

'Falling out, falling out

Have you ever wondered

If this was ever more than a crazy idea

Falling out, falling out

Have you ever wondered

What we could've been, if you'd only let me in…'

'I won't let you have her back.'

Akio smiled and came closer to his sister. He cupped her jaw delicately and she did not jerk it away. He watched her eyes, as he used to…years and years ago.

'What will you give me in return?' Akio questioned, letting his fingers slip down her neck.

'Myself.' Anthy replied. Akio chuckled.

'But every time you do this, it never turns out the way we want…does it? You give yourself over to me and I take you…I take them all back and leave **her** alone. And it never works.'

'This time it will.'

Akio narrowed his gaze and stepped back. He has such a hard time remembering his sister this way, with determination and willpower. Not a rose anymore…

'How?'

'The ring.'

'I have millions of rings, Anthy.'

'But not her ring, not the ring intended for her…not Dios's ring.'

Akio and Anthy stared at each other for some time.

__

He has to believe me…he has to take my offer…Anthy repeated over and over inside her mind. She had to finish this, once and for all. 

Utena's ring. Dios's sword. And Anthy's body.

Revolution at last. No more illusionary worlds, no more children to corrupt…no more pain for those she loved…

'Will you be able to get it from her?' Akio asked finally. Anthy merely smiled.

'Consider it done.'

~

__

You had a dream once.

Once upon a time…yea, just like that…

You had something perfect at your fingertips, within your tiny grasp…

A vision of someone, someone you were meant to meet and love.

And you needed them for they needed you. It chased your pain away, it opened your shut heart and gave you power.

But you were a child. And you created it into something false.

Something unreal.

Just like he said you would, just like he said…

That was so long ago, lives before this one…a time beyond time…

And now you are struggling to understand that receding image.

Now you are finally whole enough to reach out.

~

Utena shot up out of bed, sweat dampening her t-shirt. Her eyes darted around nervously, looking for…looking for…

Her hands shook as she got up and crept to the bathroom, turning on the sink.

Cold water ran down her face.

Bloodshot eyes stared back from her reflection in the mirror.

__

'Please…release me…let me go…'

Utena never liked that song. But she was humming along with the tune lodged in her brain, the words tickling at the edges of her consciousness.

Six in the morning.

Coffee from a stained white mug.

And Utena ignored the feeling of being watched, picking up Shiori's card.

She dialed the number.

One ring…_please release me…_

Two ring…_let me go…_

'Hello Tenjou-san.' A cheery voice answered. Utena frowned.

'Caller id?'

'Something like that…have you called with your answer about my idea?'

'Sure, let's meet up and chat. I'll bring some friends of mine along, too.'

'By all means, Tenjou-san. I'll put all your doubts at ease.'

She could picture Shiori's smile, slow and devious. Utena smiled one of her own.

'Two hours. Eighty-third street corner, café on the right.'

'Sounds divine.' Shiori purred.

Click.

Utena called Juri. Utena called Miki.

She strapped her gun on, though a voice inside told her it was not necessary.

She turned the ring around on her finger, a little shot of pain stabbing her from where Anthy ripped it off.

'One day you will understand.' Anthy wrote.

But Utena knew that the only way she would ever understand a damn thing was to find Anthy again and ask the woman herself.

~

__

'I want you

But I want you to understand

I miss you 

I love you

Didn't want to leave you with the wrong impression

Didn't want to leave you with my last confession of love

Wasn't trying to pull you in the wrong direction

All I wanna do is try and make a connection of love…'

'Wrong Impression' by Natalie Imbruglia

~~~

TBC

__


	16. Juushi

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

~~~

Arisugawa Juri sat at the table and declined the offer of coffee.

Kaoru Miki sat back in his chair, sipping black bitterness from Styrofoam.

They didn't talk. Every once in awhile, their eyes would meet…only to dart away nervously.

Juri hated the feeling of awkwardness that permeated her body. Just seeing him, taller than before, more somber…never again to be young and innocent…

It disturbed Juri to her very core. It unsettled her and left her groping for the right footing.

__

What the hell is keeping Tenjou? She thought as she tapped her nails over the table.

Miki was not feeling much better, though less on-edge than Juri seemed to be.

He always held the belief that others got out. And once he saw Touga's dead body in the morgue, Miki was sure of it.

They all made it out. But not all of them could stay away…

Miki watched Kozue sometimes. He could see her faraway stare and he didn't need to ask what she was seeing

And now, Kozue was back there…Miki wasn't sure if he wanted to get her back. All he wanted to do was see her once more, just once more…

'What's keeping her?' Juri asked, more rhetorical than anything. Miki shrugged.

'I wouldn't know, Juri-sempai.'

'Don't call me that.'

'Sorry.'

Juri felt her irritation growing, so she endeavored to curb it. She inhaled the chilly city air into her lungs and then slowly let it out again. Her fingers instinctually flexed out and then into fists. Miki smiled softly.

'Do you still fence?'

Juri looked over at him quietly, her breath turning to gray fog from her lips. 

'I thought it best not to tempt fate with practicing old habits.'

Miki nodded thoughtfully, sipping more of his coffee.

'But tempting fate is all the fun in the world, Juri-sama.' A voice whispered into Juri's ear.

For a moment, Juri could not breathe…it was as if hands wrapped around her throat, cutting off the air…_a chain of gold, a noose of my own creation_…

Miki poured the rest of his coffee onto the sidewalk. He watched it sink into the cracks. One more out…one more complication…

'And Miki, so good to see you again…' Shiori smiled, moving away from Juri and resting her hand on Miki's shoulder. 

He should have shoved it off, but something kept telling him not to move.

He felt frozen by her voice, something was attached to the words that paralyzed him…something like the End of the World…

'Tenjou-san is late I see.' Shiori glanced at her watch and then stole a chair from the next table. 

Juri's eyes became chipped ice, focused on the distance. Not looking to the right, not looking to the right…Shiori smiled.

'But that gives us three time to catch up…'

Miki jumped at the sound of a revving engine and Shiori laughed.

'He isn't here. He is merely waiting for my return…and for Tenjou-san.'

~

__

All good detectives trust no one and nothing.

Men lie. Women lie. Children lie.

So, you watch from the distance…the car is warm, the window is tinted.

You watch the three of them.

Watch Juri turn to stone. Watch Miki become frightened. Watch Shiori play.

How many lies are being told now?

Who knows who in this little story? And who can you turn to when your back is against the wall…?

Maybe none of them. Maybe all of them.

You open that can of worms and watch them slither, slide, slip.

Let them lead you home.

~

'Sorry I'm late. Bad traffic.' Utena smiled, taking a seat. 

Shiori is all smiles. Juri glares for a second then looks away. Miki looks like he understands the excuse. Utena likes Miki a little more for that.

'Everyone know each other then?'

No one answers, though Utena can tell Shiori wants to. Like an eager child in class, her hand wants to dart upward and answer with glee. Utena doesn't give her the chance.

'Arisugawa, you know Miki right?'

Juri nods 'yes'.

'And do you know Takatsuki Shiori as well?'

Juri does not reply, so Utena looks to Shiori for answers. The girl grins.

'Oh, we go way back, Tenjou-san. We used to be so close…like sisters…' Shiori giggles. 

'Great. Miki, you know her?' Utena motions to Shiori.

'Yes, I do.' He murmurs.

Utena crosses her arms and leans back in her chair, a lazy grin plastered to her face. Time to get to work…

'What does Himemiya Akio want with this ring?' Utena held up her hand.

'It is just very important to him…as are you, Tenjou-san.' 

'Really? Then why did Himemiya Anthy say her brother was looking for her instead of me?'

'Akio-san and Anthy are estranged siblings. He merely wanted to mend the rift between them, that's all. He is **so** pleased that Anthy returned.'

Utena felt a shudder wind its way through her body and blinked away sudden tears.

'They are truly close as brother and sister…so very, **very **close…'

Miki coughed and studied his hands on the table. Utena felt something jar loose in her brain, like a memory falling forward and into her lap…_a dark room, stars above, white couch, tendrils of hair in moonlight_…

Juri's voice shook it away like cobwebs in the breeze.

'Why do you stay with him?' 

Shiori looked appropriately shocked by the question. Utena did not feel she truly was though.

'Because he gives me everything, Juri-sama.'

'Don't call me that. Ever.'

'Why, Juri-sama? Isn't that what I always call you?' Shiroi's grin was as sharp as a knife. Juri was gripping the edge of the table…it was shaking under her hold.

Utena place her hands over Juri's hands. 

Juri looked at her as though Utena was a mirage, dancing too far away to be of any salvation…no matter how false…

'Tell Akio I will meet him.' Utena whispered.

Shiori left, blowing a kiss over her shoulder.

~~~

TBC


	17. Juugo

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairings: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

~~~

__

'moons and Junes and Ferris-wheels

The dizzy, dancing way you feel 

When every fairy tale comes real

I've looked at love that way…'

~

The three of them walked aimlessly for the rest of the day.

Miki stops at every store, his fingers running over silk curtains, his eyes darting to every musical instrument he saw.

Especially pianos. Utena can tell he wants to touch the keys, to create sound…but he always holds back.

It is fear.

She can see the fear like a shadow hovering over his body.

__

…fear follows you…

Utena watches Juri lean against the wall. That cold mask over her face has slipped a little…the cracks in armor can now be seen. She looks so damn tired, so damn defeated. Utena thinks for a second that she can see through the glassy veneer of Juri's eyes and into the darkness of her soul…

__

…the war is never over…

Utena looks into the mirror. She studies her eyes, her nose, her mouth, her chin.

And she starts to question things.

How long has she been alive? How long has she worn this skin?

Are the memories living inside of her just stories…? Stories Utena created to not remember another life, another reality, another place in time that she wants to forget…?

But no, that cannot be, Utena tells herself and steps away from the mirror.

She walks toward Juri and stands beside her.

'So, what was that about?' Utena asks quietly. Juri does not answer.

'Seems like Shiori knows you pretty well…and you know **her **pretty well…' Utena continued. Juri said nothing still.

'Does Nanami know Shiori then?'

Juri looks over at that, those eyes slightly troubled.

'Keep your thoughts to yourself, Tenjou.' A tremble to the voice.

The detective says to exploit it…another voice, from somewhere unknown, says to tread carefully.

Utena decides to heed both.

'I don't want to pry into your personal life, Arisugawa. I just need everyone to be upfront with me since I am going to meet Himemiya Akio…surely you understand?'

A heartbeat passes and Utena closes her eyes. That's when Juri decides to talk.

'Shiori and I **used** to be friends, a long time ago. It ended badly.'

Utena keeps her eyes closed, her brow knitting up…as if thoughts are shifting in her mind quickly and she is trying to keep up…_believe in miracles, black roses, swords and gray gray rain…_

'Arisugawa?'

'What?'

'Are you sure…I mean, are you certain that you don't **know **me? That we don't know each other?'

Another heartbeat in silence.

'I can be certain of nothing, Tenjou. Can you?'

~

'She is coming.' Shiori stated at the dinner-table. She raised her glass of wine in a mock toast.

'To the Revolution.' She chuckled.

Akio fed her a rose petal and slid his gaze over to Anthy who sat at the opposite end. But the former Rose Bride was looking out the window, struggling to see the real world outside…

__

She could only see Akio's creation.

'You should be excited, Anthy. She is coming for you after all.' Shiori smiled. Akio leaned back and slowly unbuttoned his shirt.

Anthy counted the number of swords shooting through the sky, cutting through the clouds. _All that hate and anger…_

'Hush now, Shiori…my sister is planning…' Akio whispered and jerked the girl to him, pulling her to sit in his lap.

Anthy heard her giggle.

And she heard beneath it…Anthy heard the desperate need and bone-chilling terror.

'And who will come for you, Shiori?' Anthy asked before leaving the two of them alone.

~

__

'I talked to him once. A long, long time ago…before I had to lock him away, before I had to create a shell for him to live in…

And he told me the secret to life. 

Dios said "Nobility is everything. Sacrifice of yourself is a small price to pay."

Of course, it sounds nice. All things sound nice until they go into practice.

Before fantasy becomes reality.

How I wish I had let him go…let him throw himself to the wheels of time, let him run into the fire, let him die…

The purity would have survived then. Akio would not have taken over, hell-bent on power and eternity.

I would have not felt the chains of guilt and shame claim me.

And you…all of you…would have been left to live your lives. 

No dreams trampled. No loves and hates exposed. 

The real world would have been there for you…instead of being held back from you.

But openings are wide and deep, Akio knew that…he understood that…

Akio took and I took. 

"Nobility is everything."

Oh, Dios…how wrong you are…'

~

The sound of sudden piano music made Utena's eyes open.

Juri pushed away from the wall and ran toward the sound. Utena wanted to follow, but felt her head begin to throb. She dropped to the floor, clutching at her head…covering her ears…

Utena could not block the tune out. Over and over. Endless.

__

…a birds' nest, numbers and equations, speeding car carrying two brides…

Utena stumbled upward, backing into a rack of clothes and knocking them over. Shoppers backed away and eyed her nervously. 

She ran to the bathroom and fell to her knees, dry heaving into the toilet.

__

…fear follows you…

…and the war is never over…

'One day you will understand.'

Utena backed out slowly, her whole body shaking---then she pressed herself against the wall in irrational horror.

A sword lay on the counter.

~~~

TBC


	18. Juuroku

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

~~~

__

And bells will chime,

O'er the valley, o'er the mountaintop…

Brass bell sings its song…brass bell echoes its tune

O'er the dead, o'er the sleeping…

Awaken! Open copper eyes!

The sun is fading, the moon is nigh--

Beautiful kingdoms are ready to fall…

~

'Something is wrong, something has happened…' Miki kept muttering, his fingers shaking over the keys. Keys he played, keys he touched, keys that cursed his life.

Juri looked out over the crowd of people, her eyes darting--frantic searching…

She heard no purr of a red convertible. She did not hear trumpets in the distance.

'C'mon…let's go. Let's get out of here.' Juri gripped Miki's shoulders, raising him up…light as a feather.

'I didn't want to play, don't you see? Something is **wrong**.' Miki said, his eyes holding Juri's gaze.

'But I see no one…he isn't here, Akio is not here…' Juri whispered, suddenly nervous.

They would always be running, hiding, fleeing the past. 

Why can't they just let it go? Why can't Akio just let it go?

Juri growled audibly, jerking Miki by the hand, shoving people out of the way.

She tugged him along silently, her eyes narrowed…daring anyone to get in her path. Miki watched the floor move under his feet like sand…

God, he felt like he was drowning--whirlpools lapping at his legs.

And Kozue laughing at him, from far far beyond…

Miki heard hushed voices and saw someone run down the hall. His eyes looked over, straining to see above a gathering of shoppers. Juri looked back, out of breath.

'What are you doing?' She asked, but got no answer.

Miki started to push his way past the crowd, slipping past them as if he was air.

Juri called after him, but paused at the slight vibration in her coat pocket--only one person had this number…

'Nanami?' Juri asked upon answering.

'He's here…' Nanami said softly. Juri felt her world shift, turning slowly upside-down.

'Akio…?' Juri asked, her one hand forming a fist, nails digging into her palm.

'No…it's Touga.'

~

__

Forgive me…

'She is almost here.' Akio stated quietly. Anthy did not turn around.

She continued to watch the sky. Watch the swords. Watch the constellations ignore the seasons.

'Even my meticulous panorama feels it…feels her return. It aches for her.' Akio hissed.

Anthy knew he was closer now, just behind her…just a step away…

__

One day you will understand, Utena…

The clouds sped past. The roses caught on the wind, petals flying free.

Electricity lit up the sky over the dormitories.

'Why do you keep the school up if Utena is the only one?' Anthy asks, running her finger over a patch of sand. She likes the grainy feeling against her flesh.

'Why not?' Akio questions.

Anthy does not need to look to know he is smiling.

__

One day this will all be a dream…

~

She was bleeding.

She was dropping to her knees, crawling…

Her body ached. Her muscles refused to work…but she had to keep going…

She could feel new cuts split open, she could feel new tears of her skin.

Bruises blossomed on her arms, legs, back, stomach.

And screaming…so much screaming…enough to deafen you…

Utena only realized later that she was the one screaming.

She pulled herself up, staggering to the door---something dragging behind her, scraping the floor with its sharp edges.

She couldn't see the eyes on the faces of the people clamoring about her.

Their voices blurred, became fuzzy and foreign.

She swayed, unsteady…she could feel air at her feet, making her pitch backward and against the wall.

Blood slid out of her mouth, coating her lips…curving over her chin…

Utena remembers _the color red_.

__

The color purple.

Sky gardens. Brides. Roses. Swords. Duels. Princes. Betrayal. Cookies. Tea. Carnivals and balls and parties. Dreams. Lies. Illusions. Faith. Despair.

Utena remembers _believing…_

She was crying, blood soaking her suit…her suit that became a uniform, tattered black and red, tassels ripped off so very long ago…

__

How long have I been gone?

A hand was dabbing at her face and she tried to focus. Someone could answer her…someone could tell her what happened…

__

Where have I been?

'What…happened…?' Utena whispered, the words burning her throat.

A voice answered her…a familiar voice…Utena made herself open wounded eyes.

'Miki…Miki…it's me…' Utena mumbled over and over.

But Miki didn't understand. He looked for Juri, but the woman was nowhere to be seen.

Tenjou Utena had the Sword of Dios in her hand, the Rose Crest on her finger.

And Miki had the strangest feeling that history was repeating itself.

~~~

TBC


	19. Juushichi

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

~~~

Utena tried in vain to focus her thoughts as Miki practically had to drag her out of the store, away from the on-lookers and outside. He was talking about how they should find a doctor and why was she bleeding so much.

But she could not focus on him well enough, his face kept pulling in and out of her vision until she felt dizzy.

And she keeled backward, head cocked back and eyes rolling back.

She could hear Miki cursing, strange beeps and rushed words…but Utena didn't care.

Utena knew that wherever she was going, she had to go there…before anything else, she had to have answers…she had to know what had happened so many years ago…what happened to her.

~

Juri felt her skin begin to crawl as she neared the office of Kiryuu Nanami. The secretary was away from the desk. In fact, the building seemed empty…which cannot be a good sign, Juri decided.

And then, as she opened the door, she was overpowered the a horrible smell.

Like rotten food or a dead animal or both.

Juri coughed and opened the door, the scent only getting stronger.

And then she saw the reason why, sitting on the edge of the desk--Kiryuu Touga.

He smiled over at her and then looked back to Nanami, whose face was caught between fear and longing.

'Nanami, let's go okay?' Juri asked, trying not to inhale. Touga got up effortlessly and walked toward Juri.

'I should thank you for looking after my sister, though…according to her…not well enough to satisfy her.' He grinned. 

Juri looked to Nanami, but the girl was painfully transfixed by her brother. She seemed to be frozen in time now, parts of her pulling her back to past infatuations.

'Why are you here? Did Akio send you?' Juri asked, fighting the impulse to put her hand over her nose and mouth.

'Ah yes…Akio. Akio is **always** involved, isn't he?'

'So that is a 'yes' then.' Juri spat. She wanted out of here, she wanted Nanami out of here…Juri desperately wanted to run away.

Touga laughed. 'Run away?'

Juri glared at him and stepped back.

'Don't go inside of my head, Kiryuu.'

'Can't help it…a new trick I acquired when I died. And so, the great Arisugawa Juri wants to run away and hide…'Touga turned around and frowned at his sister '…and this is who you trust your safety to?' He asked the blonde girl.

She didn't answer. Juri walked past him, kneeling close to Nanami and grabbing her hand gently.

'Nanami…come on, let's leave here. We can go wherever you like, but don't let him get to you again…'

'What about her?'

'Who?'

'Tenjou Utena. I can see her now, you know…I didn't see it before, not before but now…God, I can see her now, Juri. And she lived all this time, hidden and removed--Akio wants her. Touga knows, he knows what is going to happen…' Nanami rambled and Juri couldn't piece it all together. She pulled Nanami up slowly, wrapping her arm about her shoulders and walked her toward the door.

And heaven help Touga if he tried to stop either one of them.

'I'm not trying to hurt you…'Touga said aloud. Juri smirked.

'And that is why you still hang around Akio, even in death…**not **to hurt people.'

'I never said I was helping him, Juri-san…I never said that at all.'

Juri glanced at him. She only now noticed his clothing. It was his old School Council uniform. It was clean and crisp. And he had no ring on his finger…could it really be true? That Touga was not helping Akio?

Juri opened the door and pushed Nanami out to the hall. The girl looked back, dazed and concerned.

'What's going on? Juri…?'

Juri smiled at her as if she was a child, just waking up from a bad dream. She reached out and ran her fingers over Nanami's cheek…just lightly…then pulled them away.

'I have somewhere to go.'

'Where?' Nanami questioned, trying to come back inside, but Juri blocked her.

'Don't worry…I don't intend to be gone long.'

'You promise?'

And Juri paused. She didn't like making promises that she might not be able to keep…or might not want to keep…

Years and years of loving a girl who only wanted to crush you makes your heart resistant to open up again. To trust. To care. To believe.

But today, looking into very deep and oddly caring blue eyes, Juri decided she was already taking a chance going back to the past with Touga--one more won't hurt.

'I promise.' Juri smiled then shut the door.

~

__

And you watch it all play out, like some horrible nightmare…and you cannot believe you ever forgot it in the first place.

Walking up the stairs. Gliding through the air. Thinking you had it all figured out and yet you did not. A brief moment of weakness on your part…till you see her, crumpled on the steps and in that red dress…then you remember.

It all comes flooding back.

And you cannot give in, though it would be easy to…you cannot.

She needs you and so you fight.

Your heart beats strongly, it gives you strength, it gives you courage, it gives you ability. And you are determined to win, you have never wanted to fight, to duel and win so badly…all for her.

You realize it is all for her and you don't care. You want it to be all for her.

She is everything to you. She makes you whole after so long of being only half-alive. She is your soul.

But all the love, all the care in the whole damn world means nothing if you are the only one to believe in it.

And you are the only one, this time…you are alone.

You should have never stepped in between them. You should have never turned your back. You should have never been so foolhardy. 

And pain shoots through you, racing up your body and making you cold.

You fall to the ground, in disbelief, for it is over.

She doesn't love you. She doesn't need you. She hates you…and you can never ever hate her. Irony is bitch.

You watch her rise up. You watch him take your sword. You hear slicing and clanging. You here his heavy footfalls.

And you smell those fucking roses, taunting you. And you feel the presence of your prince, the one who gives you power only to take it away. He kisses you, he talks in your ear…you are alone, that's all you can really hear, you are alone in your misery, in your feelings…

But then something runs across your brain, a scurrying thought--you may not be in the princess dress now, but you are letting someone down--you are wearing this ring, this outfit and you are letting someone down…this prince of your youth isn't shoving you off…no, not him…he is trying to get you to rise, despite his words…

He wants you to succeed.

And so you decide to, even if it kills you…

Struggling. Crawling. Stumbling. Bleeding.

Till you make it, till you claw and cry and beg. 

You are a Prince.

She is your Princess.

Nothing can change that now, it is the way it should be. Forever.

~

Utena wakes up first with her eyes, then moves her fingers and toes.

No pain. Good.

She sits up and recognizes her bedroom. She stands up.

No pain, no bleeding. Good. Very good.

She walks out into her living room and sees Miki sitting at the couch, reading a newspaper. 

'You don't remember me, do you?' She asks, causing the young man to jump.

'You startled me…' He breathes heavy, sitting the paper down and crossing his arms.

'You do not remember who I am.' Utena states, walking around the room and glancing at the table, the chairs, the painting on the wall.

'You are Tenjou Utena, a private detective.' Miki answers slowly.

'Well, let's just say I was in intense undercover then, Miki-kun…so intense that I didn't even know I was.'

Miki stared at her, his eyes narrowing.

'Miki-kun? Why did you call me that?'

'It's a long story and I am starving. Let's order some food and I'll tell you everything…and then we have to go.'

'Go? You can't mean Akio? Not after what happened today…and I can't find Juri, she won't answer her office number and that is the only one I have…and you! You were bleeding so I called the paramedics…but they found nothing. No cuts, no wounds.

Just an old scar.'

Utena steadied her breathing, her hand wanting to reach out to the scar and caress it, to tell it everything was now okay. But she didn't and tried to keep her tone jovial.

'Miki-kun, relax. Everything will make some sort of sense…after we eat.'

And Utena hoped she was right on that one.

~~~

TBC


	20. Juuhachi

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

[used lyrics from 'Both Sides Now' by Judy Collins a couple chapters back…]

~~~

__

You lay it out like a map.

Rivers for your life, interstates for your fate, cities where you laughed and capitals where you cried…here, on this piece of paper, is your story.

Now that you can tell it, you are Atlas in a predicament…the world is simultaneously lifted and dropped upon your shoulders.

The weight of the past you ran from, the pain you hid from.

The heavy feeling of love lost and innocence tainted.

And the oceans hold your future, beckoning you further into yourself---you remember those words, they echoed in your ears as you fell a million miles from the duel arena, as you were raised upward by hatred---

'Deeper. Go deeper.'

It would have been easy for you…yes, one of those easy choices that you know about in this life…to just absorb the agony and martyr yourself.

But the lights went out. The elevator shut down.

The castle kicked you out for your time of nobility was over in this land.

And you were born again, not knowing of the lives before this one…and yet they are all the same one, they are all the same map…

You never understood why it was always so faded and worn, like you felt some days--used and tired and holding fearful memories--funny how you can remove things from your soul, funny how you can be one person and yet, be another person all together.

Duality. Spilt. 

But you can smile now as you let them all know, let them all see and let them all drag the images back once more…

You are now as one.

~

'I don't understand…I don't remember you, okay? When you had that ring on and then said you never went to school there…I just thought that the ring chose you, that is all.' Miki said, edging off the couch and standing up.

Utena watched him from the table, picking at her take-out. Miki's order was untouched.

'I was there with you. With Juri and Touga and Saionji and Nanami and Shiori…all of you. I just…I just tried to make it all go away, I think. I was hiding just like the rest of you.' Utena sighed and pushed her food away, her appetite disappearing in the face of her weariness.

'Did Juri remember you?'

Utena shook her head 'no'. 'I don't think so.'

'Did Anthy?' Miki asked quietly.

Utena didn't have to think twice…some things you just know, gut instinct and old knowledge…even a little bit of private investigator savvy…Utena looked up at Miki, smiling.

'She **always** remembered.'

~

Anthy lingered by the gate, following the design with her fingers. 

Nice cold iron, never to be dismantled by weather or time. _An industrial rose to keep you in and to keep the world out…_

Boot-heels clicked behind her, but Anthy still held magical abilities--she could still see without looking, hear inaudible sounds, speak unknown languages.

'He misses you.' Anthy said quietly.

A hand joined hers on the bars, gripped at a section that dipped downward.

'I miss him, but not enough to stop playing.' Kozue replied.

Anthy smiled then, for she understood Kozue very well in this moment. She looked over at the girl, wearing her Black Rose outfit…a very vocal display of power.

Kozue let a small grin turn up her red red lips.

'You and I have a lot in common.' 

'Do we?' 

Kozue nodded in the affirmative, leaning against the gate with her back so she could see Anthy more clearly. The Rose Bride no more--Anthy was the picture of beauty, long flowing violet tresses and calm confidence in those green eyes--Kozue preferred the girl this way.

'Tenjou is coming.' Kozue stated.

'Yes.'

'And the others?'

'Yes, them as well.'

'And you are going to betray them?'

'What do you think?'

Kozue laughed then, an unusually happy sound in a realm of eerie silences.

'I think Akio is a boy and you have outgrown him.'

Anthy laughed then herself, following the blue-haired girls train-of-thought now.

'You want to put your loyalties with me?' Anthy questioned.

'Is that so bad?'

__

But I won't be here for that long, dear child…when all is said and done, I will be forever gone…

Anthy leaned closer, placing her lips to Kozue's ear and whispered a small prayer in another tongue, Kozue's eyes growing dim and dull.

'This revolution will be the last…after this, no one will ever have to duel with their heart again. Even girls like you and I, Kozue.'

And then Anthy walked away, letting Kozue come to and look after her curiously, wondering if time really did stop for an endless moment.

__

And time is the flower's mistress, holding seconds back before the hours take over and the minutes revolt…before the clock becomes an unholy riot…

~

__

She had been waiting for that call…

Utena woke up on the couch, that sentence running through her mind…as it has for days and days and days…

She asked Miki to stay. She tried to convince him and, sometimes, he would stare at her…his eyes searching her out, trying to see past layers of skin…then he would fall back into his chair, brow furrowed and head aching.

But now, as Utena sat up and stretched, she felt a stare on her. Utena looked to her right and found Miki's eyes, wide and unblinking.

'What? What is it?'

'You.'

'Me?'

'I remember you.'

Utena matched his facial expression, leaning forward and taking his hands.

'Are you sure?' She asked. Miki nodded.

'I was looking for a trigger. You said you believe the sword brought the memories back…I thought the piano might, but then I realized that it could not--that is **my **memory, my painful past. I needed something you and I would have shared somehow…then I remembered the ring.'

Utena looked at her hand, the silver shining like always, whether day or night.

'My ring made you remember?'

'We are duelists. I have that ring, though I have not worn it in so long…no need to in this world. But if I believed you, then this would connect us…so I brought mine back out. And when I put it on, when I did that…Tenjou-san, it all came back. I remember you, I really and truly do…'

And Utena didn't mind being pulled into a hug, in fact it felt safe and comforting--like a friend you have not seen in ages coming back to you--Utena hugged him back fiercely.

'I'm sorry it took me so long, Tenjou-san.'

'It's Utena now, Miki-kun.'

Miki laughed and pulled away. 'Then you must call me just Miki.'

'Agreed.' Utena smiled in return.

And then the phone rang, cutting through the brief moment of happiness and reminding Utena of the journey ahead.

Back to the past, back to the scene of the crime, back to the End of the World and the castle in the sky and eternity…

__

Back to fight once more, all for you, my Princess…all for you…

~

__

You talk to him, but inside, you are scared.

Despite your words and your deeds, you get tense now. Holding this weapon, this metal blade fashioned from your blood, you thought it would come quick to you.

But no, not with his velvet-voice over the wires…his speech all at once sweet and cutting…he tells you he has been waiting for you, for years and years, for you to return to the joy the two of you could have…

And you tell him to go to hell. And you tell him you are coming to kill him.

He just laughs at you, like he always does.

He begs you to hurry, to run, to drive fast and fly at high speeds…he wants you to bring your friends…he loves a good party, you know?

He asks you how it is out there, in the cold and lonely and narrow world beyond his cherished galaxy.

And you tell him it is not great, but it is better than a lie.

Better than a lie…so much better…

Then why are you coming back? He questions.

But he already knows the answer.

You hang up the phone and prepare to do battle with the most dangerous of opponents: Yourself of a time long ago.

~~~

TBC


	21. Juukuu

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairings: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

~~~

__

How long have I walked, looking for you? How long have I searched every cavern and every cave for a trace of you? How long have I been running after your back, watching it disappear time and time and time again?

My feet are bleeding, but I love you that much…

~

Utena was the only one awake on the train.

Miki slept awkwardly in the seat across from her, his head shoved against the window and his arms crossed, jacket still on him and scarf loose around his neck.

Three hours earlier, the both of them went to Kiryuu Nanami's office building.

Utena kneeled before the blonde haired girl she found sitting outside of the room, leaning against the closed door and drawing invisible patterns on the cold floor.

'Nanami?' Utena questioned, not liking the feeling that surrounded her nerves, the feeling of death and loss.

Nanami looked up and slowly, very slowly, reached out to tug on a lock of Utena's hair. Then the girl chuckled softly, letting the pink strands go from her fingers.

'You're back.' Nanami stated. Utena sat back on her heels and grinned.

'How'd you know?'

'Touga told me.'

Utena visibly paled and she placed her palms onto the floor just to steady herself.

'Touga is dead…'

But Nanami just shook her head 'no' and sighed.

'And now Juri has gone with him, for my sake…all for me…' Nanami drifted off and that shook Utena back to reality.

'What do you mean 'gone with him'? Nanami, what are you saying?' Utena asked, her heartbeat racing faster and faster. She could hear Miki's footsteps draw closer, the halting sound they made as Nanami spoke.

'She is going back to fight for me.' Nanami whispered, tears rolling down her face and she crumbled forward, clinging to Utena's unresponsive body.

Now, Nanami slept beside Utena, tucked into the right side of the bench-seat and knees drawn up--a bizarre replica of the fetal position.

Nanami did not beg to come along or pout or yell--she just came. And Utena realized that no one could stop her. Or Miki. Or Juri. None of them could stop from going back to Ohtori…to their pasts…to Akio and his nightmare realities…

They had all tried to avoid it and they had all failed.

Utena looked at her gun, still strapped to her hip. She ran her fingers over the cold black metal, the polished wooden handle…could such a weapon work in Akio's world? Or would each bullet merely go through the intended victim as if they were water? Would it have to be swords once more? Would Utena have to step that far back into time and pull that blade from Anthy's chest?

__

Anthy…

Utena leaned her head back and watched the darkened scenery fly by. And, for a brief moment, she swore she saw a tower in the distance.

And maybe…just maybe…Utena saw Anthy standing at the top, wind whipping around her in a torrent, tangling her beautiful hair and tearing at her Rose Bride dress--and those emerald eyes locked onto Utena's blue eyes, letting Utena know that the fight had just begun…and it will never end the way either one of them want it to…

~

__

How long have you fought for me? How long have you battled and killed and maimed for me? How many times must you suffer for my sins? How many lives must you sacrifice for this lost soul?

My number has finally come up, but you love me that much…

~

The car idled at the gate. Akio's car.

But rusted and the leather torn and grime on the windshield…it had seen better days.

'How did you get this?' Juri asked when they first got into it. It made her sick to sit in it, her stomach was twisting into knots and threatened to rise up in her throat.

'I stole it.' Touga smiled, bringing the engine to life and a puff of black smoke emitted from the tailpipe.

Then they tore off, speeding much too fast--the wind was like glass, slicing into Juri's skin.

But she did not close her eyes, not once in the whole ride--all past dorms, streetlights, concrete fountains, forests--every inch of this make-believe world was visible and Juri did not look away. 

To look away meant it scared you and that gave Akio power.

And Juri would rather die than give that man power of her ever again.

Now, they sat at the gate, its imposing figure guarding the interior of Ohtori.

'Arisugawa, are you ready? Once you are inside, I can no longer help you.' Touga said quietly.

The sun was just now cresting over the horizon, a new day was dawning…Juri ran her palms over her gray slacks, thinking how odd her clothes seemed here--her business suit, her lawyer's attire--when all she wanted was that ancient school uniform. Touga chuckled beside her.

'You can find it in the fencing gym, right where you left it.'

Juri glanced over at the man who used to head the Student Council and consorted with the devil…the ghost in a prince's outfit, the boy smelling of death but still with the smile of seduction…

'If I don't make it, let Nanami know.' Juri said before getting out of the car and walking up to the gate. Her hands trembled as she pushed against it, listening to it groan with movement and swing open. 

She stepped through silently, a feeling of warmth flooding over her…a deceptive feeling, a familiar feeling…

…and the gate slammed behind her, the rusted-red convertible no longer there.

~

__

'I've missed you' you say and walk a bit closer.

'I know…' she replies and walks to meet you.

'Do we have to do this? Can't we just run away and…and…' You start but she covers your mouth with her warm fingers.

'You know the answer to that.' She answers softly, pulling you close and enclosing you in her arms.

And you hold on like your life depends on her embrace.

You savor her hands on your back, her form pressed against you so tight, her hot breath trickling over your neck.

'I'm willing to do it all over again…if I can be with you…I love you that much…' You whisper.

'I love you that much, too…so this time, I won't let you do the same thing…' She tells you.

~

Utena woke up and she was standing outside.

And she could see intricate wrought iron in front of her, turning and winding, forming thousands of roses.

She looked to the left, seeing Miki walk forward and reach for a blue rose--snapping it from the stem and placing the bud in his palm, staring at its unnatural coloring before crushing it, letting the demented petals fall to the ground.

She looked to the right, seeing Nanami's eyes dart around--looking for Touga, looking for Juri, looking for a sign that all this would turn out okay…and she avoided the yellow roses like the plague, their shapely forms only adding to her anxiety.

Utena forced herself to ignore the white rose, its beacon of prince-hood pushing past a bed of pink--she took her gun out of the holster and shoved the gate open with the toe of her boot.

'It's now or never…' She whispered, knowing full well that everyone inside Ohtori's walls could hear her.

~

Akio sipped his wine.

Shiori played the same record over and over.

Kozue watched the cards she dealt and then would watch Anthy standing by the window.

Anthy looked out and down below, her pulse aching in her neck and her skin pulling too tight…

__

Utena…

Akio smiled to himself and Shiori wrapped her arms about herself, feeling suddenly cold and alone.

Kozue got up from her table, walking to stand beside Anthy.

'This is it.' Kozue said with a faint and distant smile.

'You don't even know, Kozue…you don't even know…' Anthy replied before pulling the ring off of her finger--the ring Dios once wore, the ring that now was Utena's--and tossed it out the window, knowing that the owner would soon find it and the damn game would begin…

~~~

TBC


	22. Nijuu

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

~~~

**__**

///a pause///

Everyone disappeared or froze in time.

All the people, faces she recalled and places she knew, all paused for her return.

The ground itself seemed to call to her, her name chanted throughout.

Everything became motionless for the true Prince.

Each step she took was like walking through a clear fog, the force with which she had to push at her legs to move was like shoving against a wall--and her hair fought to move along with her, strands stuck in the lack of air.

The sun was still above, hovering like a ball of blinding light and she looked upward, birds in mid-flight, leaves turned back and stiff…and still, she could hear her name everywhere…her name, written on the walls…

Her name, on the mouths of students…her name, hanging in the sky…her name, everywhere and everything…

'True Prince, Prince, Prince, Prince…' they said over and over. It was hypnotic to her, like a lullaby to a child--she felt like sleeping the sleep of angels, back once more to heaven…the clouds for a bed, the safety of purity for a blanket…

And it wasn't until her eyes caught a distant flash of silver that the voices changed from soothing to jarring.

Until she was walking, faster and faster, toward that glimmer…and the voices got louder and louder, hurting her ears with their intensity…

Until she was upon that piece of her that she lost so long ago, that ring that led her here over and over again…and the voices sounded like swords cutting through skin…

****

///before battle///

~~~

'We shouldn't split up.' Utena said softly to Miki and Nanami, but she could see the shadows in their eyes. Stepping in here was like falling into a snake pit--every man or woman for themselves.

If any of them saw whomever kept them coming back to Ohtori, how could they not just run to it?

Utena held her gun up almost defensively, daring anyone to approach her. Miki seemed transfixed by the students passing them by, as if they were not there. Nanami still had that look on her face--the look of someone searching desperately.

The three of them took small steps over the surface, ears listening to conversations in passing and laughter and class-bells in the distance…

'Put that down.' A voice said from behind them. Utena spun around, the gun thrust out and her hand aching…until she saw it was Juri.

But Juri was glaring at her, the anger not hidden.

'What?' Utena asked, prepared to use her weapon at any moment.

'Why did you bring her?' Juri hissed, but before Utena could answer, Nanami stepped forward.

'I came of my own free-will. No one has to fight my battles for me…no matter how easy that would be for me to accept.'

Juri seemed to falter for a moment, a brief wash of anguish going over her, then it was masked away once more.

'Fine. Have it you way.' 

Then Juri turned back to Utena and smirked.

'Gun. Down.' 

Utena lowered it slowly, still not trusting Juri…things have a way of getting out of hand in Ohtori. Even the strongest fall, Utena kept reminding herself.

'When did you get here?' Miki asked suddenly.

'I hope you have your stopwatch because there seem to be no clocks here.' Juri sighed. Avoiding the question yet somehow answering it, Utena noted. Thank God for investigative know-how…it'll come in handy here.

'Have you seen her?' Utena asked, not wanting to spend anymore time here than needed. Juri smiled softly.

'Akio has her, but I haven't gone there.'

'Why not?' Utena questioned. 

'We all have our own battles now, Tenjou.' And with that, Juri opened the first two buttons of her uniform--still crisp white and orange trim, even after all these years--and revealed a locket of gold.

'I'm here to take this off. Finally.' Juri said quietly, darting a small glance to Nanami and then she turned around abruptly, walking away from them.

'Perhaps, Utena…we should split up? It could be the only way…' Miki said, his eyes still watching Juri disappear amongst the milling students.

Utena looked to Nanami, the girls eyes focused on the ground.

'Nanami?' Utena asked.

'We'll see each other outside of that gate once again…but till then…' And she didn't finish the sentence. Utena watched her walk away, fading around a corner.

She watched mute as Miki did the same, the horizon swallowing him up.

And Utena was alone in Ohtori, her arms limp at her side and wishing, childishly, for a hand to hold…

~~~

'Don't you want to go for a ride?' The man asked, smiling that familiar smile of his.

'No. I want peace.' The other man answered solemnly.

'You've always wanted eternity, the power to revolutionize the world…**your **world…and you are turning me down?' The man laughed.

'Friendship is for fools.' The other man said coldly.

'True…very true. That's why you can trust me--this time you'll get your eternity, Saionji…just come with me, back to Ohtori…back to Akio.'

Saionji thought comfort would seek him out now, in the swirling hole of death…only to be tormented still…and are these hollow promises?

More than likely, Saionji told himself. Lies, like always…lies and lies and lies…

Touga laughed once more, settling himself down into Saionji's coffin.

'What are you doing?'

'The only reason you did not gain power was because you did not have any idea what you truly wanted.'

'I want you to leave me alone.' Saionji spat, his anger boiling up despite his best efforts to control it. Touga ran a bony finger over Saionji's lips of gray-blue, lips as dead as his own.

'I cannot. Not until this is over, once and for all…I cannot leave, you cannot leave…not until someone ends this.' Touga whispered.

'Why not you then?' Saionji questioned, his mouth moving against Touga's fingertips.

'Why not you?' Touga answered the question with a question.

And Saionji began to wonder if he really could, if he could really come back from death's door and regain life, capture eternity, find eternal peace…?

'Come with me…' Touga hushed into Saionji's mouth.

~~~

__

And the ring was on her finger, the swords--a sea of angry metal--barreling toward her and she ran, ran faster than ever before…and only one voice called to her now, one voice rang out to her as she ran further and further…*her* voice, calling to her and drawing her out like a siren, luring her to the rocks…

Everyone else was gone.

Everyone else was beyond and behind.

And she was running up the stairs, those endless concrete stairs, to the sky…to the sky…to her Princess of the Roses…

She didn't see the warning signs along the way or hear the doubts in her mind.

She just kept going, head last and heart first.

Like always.

Like a million times before.

Like forever.

~~~

TBC


	23. Nijuu ichi

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

~~~

Utena picked the ring up, turning it over and over…then looking to the ring on her finger…they were the same in appearance, but Utena did not feel that they were truly the same at all.

'They are not the same.' A voice said from beside her, a voice that Utena will probably hear forever and ever and a day.

'Anthy…' Utena exhaled, like stones had been lifted from her heart.

She watched as Anthy's hand reached out and took the ring from Utena's hand, slipping it onto her own finger.

'But you are not--' Utena started but warm fingers covered her mouth and stopped her words.

'If you believe in me, if you trust me…give me your ring. You will not need it here, Utena…I promise you.' Anthy said softly.

Utena looked at her, saw her out of her dress and her hair down and her eyes visible without those wire-rimmed glasses. But a voice inside begged not to let the ring go, not at any cost…not even this one…

'Anthy, you are my world…and I'll spend the rest of my life proving it to you, I swear. But…but I cannot remove this ring, not until I can break us all free.' Utena finished.

Anthy studied her, smiling slowly and cupping Utena's cheek.

All Utena wanted to do was melt into this girl, fade away and become a part of Anthy for the rest of time.

'I knew you would say that. I knew you would not make this easy for me…you are a Prince, the one Dios entrusted his power to…my dear and sweet Prince, how I hate doing this…' 

Utena looked up too late--those warning voices that had been screaming in the previous world and in this world, they are silent now--they know how little an impact they made on their master.

Anthy gripped Utena's arm and jerked her forward, her hold very strong and very painful. But Utena was frozen by sadness, unable to understand this change and this moment, she was paralyzed by deju-vu--another betrayal she should have seen, another chance at happiness scrapped…

'An..thy…' Utena groaned as a heat spread throughout her chest, burned its way upward and out. Utena screamed until her voice could no longer make a sound as her own sword, no longer broken by Akio, came forth and into Anthy's hand.

'One day, Utena…you will understand…on my love for you, you will understand…' Anthy whispered before Utena lost all consciousness, slipping into never-ending black.

~

Miki sat down and played the piano.

It was funny, he thought, how his old school uniform still fit him…or perhaps **he **still fit **it**. He shut his eyes, letting that familiar tune wash over him--but the door suddenly slammed, jerking him back to reality--or at least a form of it, Miki decided.

'Same old song and dance. Doesn't it ever get tiring?' Kozue asked with a smirk.

Miki didn't want to say how pleased he was to see her. He didn't want to tell how on much he missed her and wanted her to come home. Miki was sure his sister knew all this and more…as always…

'No. Never does.' Miki answered, standing up and walking toward her. Though she wears the Black Rose uniform, no rose of black rest upon her breast. Kozue laughs quietly.

'I am not going to steal your abilities this time. I have my own.'

'Taught by Akio then?'

Kozue just grinned at that and circled Miki, reminding him of a vulture. The click of her heels was insanely loud to him--it hurt his ears like nothing ever before.

'Akio is a fool. I know that…you know that…besides, I've found better allegiances for my attempts at eternity.'

Miki's brow furrowed, confused. He turned to face Kozue, leaning in closer to her face. She moved a bit closer herself, Miki noted, the tips of their noses brushing softly against each other.

'Who?' Miki asked in whisper.

'Anthy of course…' Kozue whispered in return, before properly rubbing their noses together and tugging Miki closer still, caressing his face with her breath.

Miki didn't fight…not like before…it scared him, the desire **not **to fight off her advances…and so he did not think about them.

'Anthy isn't a duelist. Or a prince. She is the Rose Bride.' Miki said slowly, finding his logic completely mesmerized by his sisters nearness.

'That's what you think…' Kozue breathed out before pressing her lips to Miki's.

~

'I'm tired of talking to dead people.' Nanami sighed, raising her cup of tea and taking a sip.

Saionji smiled at her, a cold and not amused smile.

'I have better things to do than pass along sibling messages, believe me.' 

Nanami sat her cup down with a clatter. She wore her duelist uniform--she was going to be stronger this time, be more observant, understand the game this time--like her brother did before her. His death would not be in vain, not if Nanami had any say in it.

'Why are you here?' She asked the green-haired kendoist, who was looking pretty good for being deceased.

'I am here to gain eternity. You?'

'To break free from this damn place and to honor my brother's memory.'

Saionji chuckled at that.

'What?' Nanami hissed out.

'Your brother deserves no honor. He takes what he wants and hurts who he wants and toys with who he wants. The sooner you grasp that, the better off you'll be.'

Nanami smiled viciously over at the young man.

'And how did he get you here, hmmm? A look in his eyes and a flip of his hair? I know so little of the sex lives of corpses…maybe you could enlighten me?'

Saionji's dead skin could still burn with rage, at least here in Ohtori.

'Shut your mouth.' He said, he venom spoken with cold rage.

'No, you shut yours. My brother is dead because of this place. And so are you…so will we all be if we do not fight. I have things to fight for now--worthy things, special things--and it is not some ideal of eternity, I can promise you that.' 

And Nanami stood up, leaving her tea behind and walking swiftly away from the table.

Saionji breathed out slowly and relaxed back into his chair.

A soft clap echoed from behind him and Saionji allowed himself a small grin.

'Good enough?' He asked.

'Perfect.' Akio said with a smile, sitting down and finishing up Nanami's tea.

~

Juri sat and watched other fencers. She still held the foil in her tight fist, but did not stand up and offer to parry with the others.

A part of her just could not move, a part of her was--well, frightened. The past that nipped at her heels in the former world? It lived and breathed here. It **is** here.

Every step and every stone and every leaf…all the past in vibrant Technicolor.

'No one good enough for you?' A voice murmured in her ear. 

Juri's jaw clinched and she could feel sweat on her brow.

'Didn't we already do this, Shiori?' Juri said as calmly as possible.

'What? Talk? We can always talk, Juri. Admittedly, we did not do too much of that when you first arrived--'

Shiori was cut off by Juri's hand shooting out and clamping over her mouth, the grip harsh enough to leave marks on Shiori's skin.

'Do not say another word. Just the thought…it disgusts me…' Juri said, her eyes wide and her body betraying her own turmoil to the world. Or those who could see it that is.

Shiori slowly lowered herself until she was perched upon Juri's lap. Juri looked around but no one seemed to notice them. Shiori pulled her hand away and grinned.

'I don't go for rough, Juri-sama. Be gentle like before…please…you know you want to…' Shiori softly spoke, running her fingers over Juri's face. Juri could feel that touch taint her, lie to her, stab at her--Juri wanted to run from her own actions.

How foolish. How stupid. How willing and weak.

__

Shiori sought Juri out the minute the gate closed.

Showed her to the uniform, the tower, Akio's room where the two of them consorted and finally…to the locket…with the picture in it--only this time, Shiori's face did not look to the side.

Those eyes were on Juri.

'What is this? More tricks?' Juri exclaimed.

'No. Things have changed…I have changed.' Shiori replied.

'No you haven't. I don't believe you.'

'It is true. I love you Juri…I always have. Akio offers me power, of course. The power I want though--the eternity I crave--is you. You are my everything.'

Juri **knew **it was not true! She knew and yet…and yet…

Shiori pressed against her, touched her, kissed her…until Juri could not think or comphehend--only feel and react.

Thoughts of being free, of breaking the locket, of other people that Juri had made promises to…she forgot them as easily as one forgets to lock a door.

'Get off of me.' Juri shoved Shiori away.

The girl merely smiled and mock curtsied, walking away with that familiar sway to her hips. Juri mindlessly fingered the locket and stared off into the distance, not seeing the blank wall but a pair of blue eyes--another person Juri cared for that she cannot live up to.

~

Akio leaned over the couch and ran his fingers through her hair.

Still beautiful after all this time, still a bizarre mixture of Prince and Princess.

The scent of her, roses and honey and air after rain, it permeated the entire campus. 

Akio loved it and loathed it.

It reminded him of all he used to be and all he never was.

'Stay away from her.' Anthy said from behind him. Akio merely raised his eyebrows.

'Taking this a bit too seriously aren't you, sister?'

'She is my Bride now. You touch her and my plan will be put on hold just to reprimand you.' Anthy replied.

Akio shifted his gaze to her hand, still carrying Utena' sword, the one her pure heart created years and years ago.

'Girls and swords. What a bad combination…does nothing for your attitude.'

Anthy looked down at Utena and fought against a grimace.

The girl still lay sleeping, that much was true…but to see her in the Rose Bride dress--hers of pink, fashioned ages ago--it pained Anthy to no end.

But this must be done, Anthy kept reminding herself.

The ring Utena wanted to keep? Now Anthy wore it.

The sword of Dios? Locked away for good.

And Utena, the true prince? Safe until Anthy needed her to play the last part in this twisted play, until Anthy could repay her kindness for good.

'Everything is in place, Anthy. When do you want to begin?' Akio questioned.

'Why not now?' Anthy smiled over at him and he matched the smile with one of his own.

~

__

'Where am I?' you ask. And at a table, in bar you recognize, sits you. 

You and you. Talking. Just like a dream, to be this odd…

'Not a dream. This is real.' the other you answers.

You walk over and sit down, bemused. After everything, you should have guessed--nothing is normal in this world. In any world.

'You've gotten us into a real jam this time, eh?' the other you says, taking a sip out of a shot glass and pushing the fedora back.

'Yea. I guess so…' you answer back, adjusting your Prince uniform. It feels tight.

'Miss the suit? The shirt and shorts?'

You nod your head yes. You miss a lot of things from that calm world.

Pizza delivery. Alcohol in this bar. Boring cases. Late nights at the office.

'And what about now, friend? Miss dueling up above?'

You nod yes again.

The thrill of running against the wind. Of power ebbing into your body. Of winning.

'So, why are you here then?' the other you wonders.

And you are not sure now…why are you here?

If the prince part of you is here and the detective part of you is here, then who are you in the waking world?

Who of you walks and talks and thinks and blinks?

'I think this is bad news…don't you?' the other you asks but it is not really a question at all.

It is a statement.

And you nod your head yes.

~~~

TBC


	24. Nijuu ni

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

~~~

'The dawn is strange here, you know…it is just bright enough to make you feel alive and just false enough to make you sad. What do you think, Anthy-sama?' Utena asked, not really expecting an answer.

Anthy was asleep. A troubled sleep…but still dead to the world.

At moments, Utena could feel a pressure behind her eyes. It hurt to try and think, yet she would attempt thought over and over.

It was like her brain was split into two halves.

One side was cutting through a forest, every time it seemed she broke clear of the dense foliage--it grew back. She feared she would be forever hacking away like this.

The other side was like a sheet of ice. Cold and deceptively calm, keeping churning waters underneath a veneer of glassy contempt--her emotions buried away without her consent.

This is what it means to be the Rose Bride.

Of course, Utena never really knew what Anthy went through. She did not realize the bars and chains keeping one bound like this. It goes beyond swords and guilt--it is terribly tangible.

You can touch the surface and come back with missing fingers.

Or you can become it and come back with a hollowness no one can ever imagine.

Utena laid her hand on Anthy's head and felt the girl relax slightly. She leaned down, placing her lips to Anthy's ear.

'How funny that we have switched places like this, Anthy-sama…' Utena whispered.

Anthy stirred, turning to her side and squinting her eyes tight. Yes…even duelists must dream unhappy dreams at night, Utena thinks before pain overtakes her.

She crumples beside her Victor, wrapping the skirt of her dress around her bare legs and lays her forehead against Anthy's back.

'I don't know how to make shaved ice, Anthy-sama…do you know how to fight with that sword?' Utena asked before closing her eyes.

~

Akio held Shiori close and stroked her hair, staring upward in silence.

Shiori felt cold all over…she always felt too cold, too removed from whatever heat made everyone else whole and pure.

Even Akio could not bring her warmth.

Even Juri could not thaw the ice water in her veins.

__

Soon all of this will be a memory…soon all of this will be a dream…

Shiori used to fear Akio. The way he knew her thoughts, her fears, her wishes.

But then, as time went on, she realized that he knew nothing--only what she left out to be seen.

Her wounds open and visible for anyone to pick upon, like birds on carrion.

Akio was a bird. Shiori was a meal.

__

…one day, I can look back and be worthy…one day, I can rise up and shine…

Sometimes, Shiori wanted to hurt others. Sometimes, Shiori wanted to be hurt.

And now, with everything so close to her grasp, she refused to let go.

They all must fall for her to escape and be free.

They all must disappear for her to finally feel the rush of warm blood once more in her soul-dead body.

Akio slept and Shiori slipped out of that bed, making her way to another bed with another Prince…one just as incapable to truly save anyone…

~

'You shouldn't be here.' Juri said quietly, but for reasons other than time or propriety. It was that bone-numbing guilt that whispered into her mind.

__

…youliedtoheryoubrokeyourpromise…

The locket burned against her chest where it did not really sleep.

'Why not? Are you busy?' Nanami questioned.

Juri knew this girl well enough to know that the calm and short tone was an act, for eyes that might be watching them…for eyes that were **surely **watching them…

'Not busy. Just tired…it is late. You should be asleep.' Juri answered, wishing she could just slam the door shut and hide away from her own actions.

The bed was still unmade. The sheets still akimbo, a reminder of the ultimate weakness.

'Last time I checked, you are not my mother, Juri.' And Nanami grinned slightly, like she likes to do some times. It makes many men melt.

It makes Juri melt, though she does not show it. Ever.

A little voice said that maybe, just maybe, Juri could forget her anguish and let this girl in…this girl, she has already pushed past so many walls--long before Juri was even aware of it.

Nanami is covered in swatches of Springtime colors--yellow, green, blue and ivory--she burns with youthfulness yet carries knowledge and wisdom.

Juri does not know if her heart can ever feel love again…but it might, in this moment, it might…

'Another conquest, Juri-sama?' A voice coos from the corner in the dark.

And Juri feels the preciousness of this second shatter.

Those swatches turn to Autumn as Nanami turns to face Shiori, to see Shiori half-dressed and holding a tiny overnight bag.

Those swatches fade to Winter when Nanami looks back to Juri, an understanding passing through her blue eyes before closing down whatever hope they held.

'You are busy then. I am sorry to have bothered you.' Nanami stated, walking away quickly and merging with the early hours of the morning.

Juri did not feel worthy to watch her go.

'Can I come in now?' Shiori purred.

And the locket ached with pain, ebbed with unbearable agony…

__

…youliedtoheryoubrokeyourpromise…

Juri felt the ground shatter with the crashing of her dreams as she let Shiori in.

~

__

'Look now…there we are, on top of the world…' The other you says, pointing to the television attached to the wall. The other you is so much more at ease, drinking and flirting with waitresses.

You, though, are filled with waves of torment.

You should be standing in that arena. Not your Princess, never your Princess…

'She looks good like that, don't ya think? Very regal. Very in charge. It is sexy.' The other you grins and orders another beer.

You ignore their words, they mean nothing now--watching yourself ascend, in a dress of pink and a crown upon your head.

Your Princess already holds a sword, **your **sword. And you feel its pull on your body down below, rising up into the soles of your feet and riding along your blood stream.

'Take my sword and fight. Be brave. And remember to just lose in the end.' Kozue smiles at Miki.

He received no letter with a scorched wax symbol. He did not feel the command deep in his heart like in his youth.

But there was something lurking inside of him, a sort of innocent belief that this time…this time they would all be able to walk away…

End of the World watches from the balcony above.

Juri casts her eyes down in sadness. Utena is silent as a Rose Bride should be.

Kozue grins from beside him, an oddly comforting presence.

Shiori stalks the sidelines, grin of feral intent upon her lips.

Nanami stands removed from them all, looking to the campus below.

And then Anthy, so far apart from the image of old, in the garb of a Prince.

'She looks sure…' Miki murmurs to himself. Kozue chuckles from behind.

'She is very sure. Trust me.'

Utena places a rose on his chest, not of blue--but of white. Miki wants to ask why, but Utena smiles at him. Lips of pink upturned in a fashion that speaks of both placidity and understanding, her words are even to his ears.

'We are all Princes now.'

__

Both of you watch. And other patrons you have not noticed before begin to place bets on who will win, who will lose.

And every one of them is a version of you. 

A child in a small dress.

A teenager in love.

An old woman in her last years.

A lady, married to a good man.

A prostitute of the streets.

A rebel in fatigues.

A priest.

A struggling student abroad.

An average boy, aching for popularity.

'I don't know why they are laying money down now…there will be more to come soon enough…' the other you says, finishing the drink and wiping their mouth.

You look to that flickering screen once more, just like all of you are.

You look at yourself up there, blank like paper against the blue of the sky.

And you decide that you don't really want to see.

Miki did as he promised his sister.

As he came forward and stepped back, as he dodged and as he attacked…

…he thought of her lips on his, of her arms around him at night…

'It should not be like this.' Miki whispered the night before.

'But what else can it be.' Kozue stated.

And so it is. They are part of one--Miki had fought that inevitability all this time--and all he got was time wasted.

All his running got him nowhere. All his blissful ignorance merely gained him further pain.

And when the shower of white petals rained down on him, he dropped to his knees--not from anguish, nor pain--but for reverence.

Anthy kissed his brow like a goddess might. He watched her with new eyes as she did the same to Kozue's forehead

Miki knew that he was finally free.

'How can I ever thank you?' He asked softly as Kozue took his hand and gripped it tightly.

Anthy turned back, her face clouded like a coming storm.

'You are the one who let go. Thank yourself, Miki…thank yourself and leave this place forever.'

~

Saionji could never get used to this room. Or this bed.

Akio's bed always smelled like sex.

Musky and damp and heavy.

He wondered idly where Touga might be. Was the red-haired devil really helping Akio? Or Saionji? Or anyone at all?

But Saionji knew that he came back for one reason only--to gain his life back.

Death is not a holiday, it is a cold place that one wishes to leave.

Akio sat on the bed, staring at the floor and humming some aimless tune.

Saionji wondered when he would get to duel and see Tenjou Utena in a dress. That would almost be worth coming back from the grave for…

'Soon. Very soon, Saionji. A wise man like myself never trusts a witch too much to let her plan all things…' Akio said with that cat-like grin.

Saionji turned over and slept.

He dreamed of race cars, curry, bananas and ecstasy. 

Touga came to him in this dream…in fact Touga was really in all his dreams…but Saionji did not think about that.

In was, after all, in Akio's bed.

Even going this low, Saionji struggled to have some pride.

~~~

TBC

__ __


	25. Nijuu san

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

~~~

__

Touga could not sleep, not without a couple of bones breaking against the ground. 

Yet magic, for it could be nothing else, always mended him as he stood up once more. Always his body was pieced together and muscle stitched and ligaments taut as rope.

Touga could not sleep, not without seeing the images of his past and of his nightmares running side-by-side, playmates at midnight--a child of red hair and cut-off pants, a man of claret tresses and ghostly white skin--

--Touga could not sleep.

And in between waking and limbo, Touga could see the future laid out before him as plain as a map. He could see Ohtori shining like a diamond against the bleeding orange sky and the golden trumpets sounding their adolescence to the air.

He could see the Prince falling and the Princess ascending.

He could see the swords fall.

He could see the world, the one that all of them know, changing.

Morphing and twisting and heaving.

A butterfly with wings made of rose petals, sailing away where none may cast their very human nets.

Touga could not sleep.

So he plans a way out, a way to blend in to this future. Puzzle parts put together and sitting in a box--that is what they all are.

Only fitted can they create a picture.

Only as one can they become free.

~

'When is my time?' Saionji whispers late at night, early in the morning.

'Soon…' Akio whispers and pulls him back to the bed.

Saionji does not close his eyes when Akio kisses him. He does not trust Akio that much…in fact, Saionji does not trust Akio at all.

But what does trust mean here, in this place, with these people?

It means nothing. Like friendship means nothing. Like love means nothing.

'How many times did you do this with Touga?' Saionji asks and Akio pushes him away.

'Will you always be chasing someone else's shadow?'

It is a question without answer. Akio grins and gets up, walking to the windows.

'Out there are the stars. They are cold and lifeless, yet they burn brighter than sun. That was Touga--short lived beauty, but long dead before he drew his last breath.' Akio said evenly.

Saionji felt his throat tighten and he pulled the bed sheet over him.

Suddenly, he very much missed his coffin…he wanted to be buried again with never-ending silence.

'Not yet…not till you try your hand at being a Prince…then, if you fail, the dirt can claim you.' Akio whispered.

Saionji shut his eyes and saw a boy so familiar lurking there, so distant from his present self that it was almost fiction.

But it is no story, standing there and daring Saionji to be a Prince this time.

To save the girl.

To reach the castle.

To be worthy of the duelist ring.

Akio smiles into the shadows. 'Pride is a dangerous beast…' He murmurs as the incandescent points of light go out.

~

'Kozue will show you the way. She knows what to do.' Anthy said softly, not daring to get closer to the gate to the outside world.

It was tempting to forsake her plans and run as fast as she could to get away.

But Utena was by her side, docile and silent as a monk.

This is the reason, Anthy reminded herself. This is the reason…

Miki turned back once and smiled before allowing Kozue to pull him out. The gate creaked as if ancient and practically sucked the air out with it--tugging on those souls yearning to be free.

Anthy walked away, fists clenched, until she was around a building corner.

Then she could breathe. Then she could regain her footing.

Utena stayed a moment longer, her gaze curious on the two leaving--their forms becoming hazy with sunlight and heat, turning to outlines of white before disappearing all together from view.

Utena knew this was important. All her thoughts wrapped around the notion of 'leaving'. Could she leave as well?

This dress, Utena thought, is so cumbersome…so constricting…so **wrong**.

Tiny voices echoed for a second in her ears, telling her secrets--secrets that were answers--but her head began to ache once more.

Utena pressed her temples and staggered away, tumbling into Anthy's body and sagging there.

'It hurts…' Utena whispered. Anthy shuddered a breath.

'I know. Soon, it will not. I promise.' Anthy whispered back.

'Anthy-sama?'

'Yes?'

'Make this pain stop.'

~

'Who is next?' Shiori asked. Akio was typing at his desk.

He was surprised that Anthy let Miki go…and his sister. But then, perhaps they were not enough for her plan. Akio had his plans as well.

'How are things with Juri?'

Shiori grinned and hopped up on the desk. 'Perfect.'

Akio folded envelopes and sealed them with wax. He did not explain this process to anyone--not how they got out, not who gets them--nothing was said about this part.

They all carried the rose scent. They all held the crest of the rose. They all revealed a persons darkest knowledge. Clever little letters.

Akio sent them whether the game was going to be over or not.

Akio sent them because they needed to be sent.

After all, these words of fairy-tales that he wrote, kept him alive.

It was like blood in his veins.

'Nanami is next.' Akio said aloud, stamping the last one and sitting it with the others.

'Why her?' 

'To see what Juri will do.' 

Akio did not need to watch Shiori to know the girls expression. It must be difficult to watch a dream, albeit one you try to kill, fade from your grasp.

'And then I will see what you do.' Akio chuckled before walking out with his handful of letters.

~~~

TBC


	26. a dream within a dream

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

~~~

__

…who is to say that this is not all merely a dream, a celestial place--trapped between ground and sky--a time caught in mid-air where the laws of gravity do not apply and the laws within your very soul are forfeit and the laws of nature fall down like the apple from the tree…

Akio is Newton.

Utena is the apple.

But the seconds before one hit the other, the air that caressed the red skin…

…that is Anthy…

~

'Make it go away…make this pain stop…' Utena kept repeating, her voice rustling in the room like curtains blown by wind.

Anthy searched the tower for her brother, searched his rooms--his many, many rooms of conquest--and found him nowhere.

He could be watching, that much is true. His eyes, though blind to real nobility, see far too much in this place…his vision stretches out and beyond the heavens, the universe he created.

Anthy listens for whispers, for echoes along the walls.

All is silence.

All is thundering with meaningful quiet.

Utena mumbles on the couch, pulling inward and eyes tightly shut. Anthy knows that feeling, knows those aches and pains.

How easily one's insides are carved by the swords, how little you know of true pain until they enter you psyche and render you motionless.

Akio knew that so well, his hands the only relief Anthy could see in an ocean of agony--his touch, hot and fluid and **real**--it stopped the pain as much as it amplified it.

She could feel his desire and it cooled her wounds.

She could feel his hate and it increased her anguish.

'Make it stop…please, make it go away…' Utena kept saying, tugging at her dress folds and jerking at her tightly bound pink hair.

Anthy saw this day in and day out in the mirror of her memories. 

A scary reflection of who she used to be…who she is always fighting to run from…

~

__

'Make it go away…'

'I know how to make it stop, how to ease your distress.'

'Please, please…'

'You do not know what you ask of me…'

'Please…………'

~

If Utena looked hard enough, she could see outside of herself.

As if floating above her own body and yet still connected to her mind, to some part of it not trapped and not in conversation deep down inside.

She could see her lips move and knew the words and felt them leave her lips like fire. She could see Anthy move closer to her, kneeling to the floor and cradling Utena's hands like glass.

Utena felt that fragile. As if she might break and shatter and be forever in a million pieces upon the surface of the world.

Her body moved forward and in time with herself below, shuddering in Anthy's arms--shuddering, shaking--and so tight do her fingers grasp at Anthy's body.

Utena wonders, if only for a moment, at this feeling that the two of them are somehow removed from everything now.

From this place, from this room, from this couch.

Ohtori seems so far away and so does dueling and princes and roses and Akio and the past and the future…all of it pales against this wonderfully agonizing and familiar happening before her eyes.

Anthy holding her, her hands in her hair and letting the strands go free.

Anthy smoothing over her back and undoing the clasps, undoing the restrictions.

Anthy kissing her brow, kissing her lips, kissing her neck.

'Make it all go away…' Utena hears herself whisper, no longer are those words filled with a child's terror.

They speak of raw need and unquenchable lust.

They speak where Utena could never speak, where her past life and her present life cannot merge.

They speak of all she has wanted all of these long, long years.

~

__

And no shadow crawls along. No long fingers, no mocking laugh.

All the pieces have been put away now.

The board is empty, the lights turned off.

If eyes are watching, they see nothing. Those eyes…they cannot see that which they do not believe in…

Love. Honor. Friendship. Trust.

They cannot see what is right in front of them.

And to the ones in view, it never truly mattered.

All they see is each other.

~

Utena does not feel the cold of the floor.

It feels as though she is drifting in a haze of comfortable heat…until that very same heat swells up inside of her, turning to a rolling and a rising wave, crashing down over and over and over…

Anthy does not feel the past chaining her down now.

Those bonds are sliding down with each contact of her skin to Utena's skin, until they are gone and replaced with a far more strong leash--one from her heart to Utena's heart.

It has lasted over time and space and fate.

Their connection, so little is understood about it now.

Is it fairy tale? Is it myth? Is it real?

These touches are real---against hips, thighs, necks, arms, legs, back, abdomens, breasts, shoulders, feet and noses.

These feelings are real---burning, fluttering, trembling, ecstasy and release.

Swords cannot find them here.

Akio cannot find them here.

The span of the galaxies would be lost if searching for the two of them.

Anthy feels real.

Utena feels real.

And so they shall be, so they shall be…

~~~

TBC


	27. Nijuu shi

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

~~~

__

'What happens now?' Miki asked as the sun drifted out of sight and the clearness of the heavens above opened wide, much like the cavernous mouth of a whale.

'I don't know really…we go to another world, another time…we may not even be the same people for all I know…' Kozue answered.

She was not worried, though the steps to come were unknown and the path in shadows.

Kozue felt like someone had given her the keys to a fast car.

And she felt like driving forever, to let the wind caress her and reshape her.

Miki shifted by her side, looking over with a small grin.

'We'll still be together, Kozue.'

She raised an eyebrow over at him and he laughed.

'That fate was never wrong, my sister…never ever wrong…'

~

'You've always hated waiting.' Touga said, startling Saionji as he sat and read one of Akio's books about stars. Saionji slammed the pages shut.

'Why can you not stay dead and buried, Kiryuu?'

It was not meant to be answered, Touga knew that. But he would attempt to reply anyway--if only to annoy his somewhat dead 'friend'.

'Because I am the only one who can be here and there at the same time.'

Saionji laughed, but not from mirth. His violet eyes burned with an agony Touga wished not to see…

'And the riddles, always the same with you…No wonder Akio liked you. You two are much the same---double talking bastards who think they own the world.'

Touga continued to lean against the wall comfortably.

'And you wish to be one of us.'

Saionji picked up the teapot and hurled it at an empty wall.

Was this his eternity? To be tormented by his shortcomings? To be mocked by the lips of a dead man? To submit his will to greater power for he had no chance at harnessing his own power?

'When it is my time…' Saionji whispered, threading his fingers and breathing hot air into his palms.

'…I will break free from this prison…'

~

Juri stared at the ceiling.

A fan was slowing turning above her. The curtains billowed with a gentle breeze.

She did not rise.

Not all day, not all yesterday.

The sheets were tangled about her, spider-webs sticking to her damp skin…partly from activity, partly from nightmares…even Juri's desire was tainted by her pain.

Her desire is pain.

Such tangible thoughts are common in the aftermath of consumption, in the afterglow of giving in and letting go and falling to your impulses.

Juri desires this pain, this twisting of her soul and this breaking of her heart.

All notions of martyrdom fell away just as simply as Shiori stripped down that skirt and untied that scarf.

It was that easy.

Just that easy.

Somewhere in the distance, Juri heard bells ringing…

…and the sound cut deeper than any two-bit prince's blade…

~

__

She was climbing a tree.

Thick branches and dewy leaves of green.

And the sun was hot, too hot for such an endeavor…but she climbed nonetheless.

Atop was salvation.

Below the wolves.

And she could hear it so faintly, the heartbroken whimper…the mewling and crying of a tragedy…

She was climbing a tree.

She fell once or twice, her legs scraped--tiny red scratches, criss-crossing.

And that hand she was expecting to help her up, it never came. Somehow she had forgotten that her entire world had drown.

Dead in a river.

Washed ashore like a rubber tire.

She was climbing a tree.

It snapped and cracked. It slowly careened to the ground.

And she did not scream.

She did not scream this time. She let it fall.

Only she could save herself now.

Only she knew the way out.

Nanami sat up in bed and found a white rose resting on the pillow beside her.

She got dressed in a deliberate manner and looked herself over in the mirror.

Her body ached…all night long, she tried to reach something, somewhere…

And now was her test.

Her brother is gone. Juri is gone. 

Nanami touches her reflection on the glass, a cold comfort to her thoughts.

'We are no longer children.' She whispers before going out the door, down the hall, down the steps, into the lobby, out into the courtyard and toward the forest.

It was time to climb.

~

Akio watched Anthy move around the room with nervous energy, flicking the sword to and fro.

A duelist and their misgivings.

Anthy slid a glance toward him and Akio smiled.

They could share thoughts like others could share candy.

Some were kept too private, which always kept their game alive.

But now…Akio sensed that Anthy was too open. 

One is never that easy to read.

'Why are you on edge?' Akio asked.

'I am not.'

Akio chuckled and sat down next to a silent Utena. He looked at her, in a pink dress and hands folded and hair bound…beautifully fucked up is what he would call it.

Like having sex after wrecking a car.

Or piercing your body to lick the blood.

Anthy suddenly jerked Utena up and pulled her away. Akio noted just how cold his sister's eyes had become.

'Or like creating a world in which to play with people.' Anthy said before leaving the room, Utena right behind her.

Akio leaned his head back and crossed his arms.

'Too open…much too open…' He murmured before flicking the lights off and turning the castle back on.

~

__

'Did you enjoy it? Because I sure did…' The other you says with a grin. 

You choose not to answer, feeling odd…feeling embarrassed that everyone saw what happened…though everyone here is you.

Pieces of you anyway.

And you did enjoy it, even if it was not real. At least not for you.

It was real for a part of you.

It was something to build on.

'Think it'll happen again or not?' The other you muses aloud.

You wish the other you would shut up.

The screen flickers back to life and you see the arena once more.

Not one of you places a bet now.

'Ooh, this should be interesting…don't you think?' The other you says happily, sipping on another beer.

How are you not getting drunk? Where is this alcohol coming from? Who is paying for all of this?

'I do like a nice blonde…though I think we all agree on purple hair down here…'

A nice round of chuckles ripple over the crowd.

The crowd of you.

And you watch the screen, rapt with morbid fascination at these things that concern you--but that you cannot control.

Nothing is in your control anymore.

~~~

TBC

__


	28. Nijuu go

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

~~~

__

'How much longer will we play, Anthy-sama?'

'Not much longer, Utena…not much longer…'

Nanami felt a tug within her heart, a painful jerk and a deadly pulse. It thrummed inside of her, it ricocheted off her emotions.

Like a bullet, just like one.

And who it would eventually hit was anyone's guess.

Nanami wore no armor. She threw away her shields…her protection…

__

…her brother swimming away, still beautiful and unavailable…

The stairs were chipped away from time. Cracks split open with weeds, dandelions caught in the breeze. 

__

…an orange beauty, coiled around poison ivy like a snake…

She held her dueling weapons loosely. The sun bounced off her dagger. A wave of her fragrant rose--a white one, left by the eternal Sandman, by the End of the World--surrounded her face.

It was not perfect. 

It was trying to blind her.

__

…gorgeous possessions, all of them tossed aside…all of them holding tight with false love, false companionship…

Nanami stood at the top. Ghostly voices whispered around the stone, shadows of her lost youth ducked in and out of vision.

And her footsteps echoed, reaching up into the sky.

~

__

Juri awoke with a start, her eyes scanning the shaded room.

She did not know if it was day or night.

There was just the faint cut of air above her…that fan still going…

And a body curled against her, Shiori's body.

Asleep, always asleep when Juri was awake---awake whenever Juri was asleep.

'You think you've been out for days, Arisugawa…but it has been much longer.' 

Juri sat up quick and looked at the doorway, her eyes catching upon Touga.

He was leaning, but then he always did that…leaning to catch someone…

Touga laughed a bit. It was a warm sound. Rich and alive.

'But I am not alive, Juri…'

'I told you not to do that, don't go into my mind. Ever.'

Juri got up then, grateful that she had her nightgown on…but still, still she felt uneasy about Touga watching her.

His eyes followed her movements, his mind reached into her own, he was in her room, he was dead…gone…a memory…

'She is leaving. She is leaving and I will not see her again after this.'

Juri did not have to ask him who "she" was, for her heart was pounding out a sickening rhythm.

Juri tried to drink some cold water, but it seemed to go right through her.

As if she was not real, as if she was the one who was dead.

'She loves you now. And you, like myself, have only hurt her…I trusted the wrong person to take care of her. I should not have trusted you.'

Juri crumbled to the floor.

Those words…they mirrored the ones laying her tongue every moment of every day.

When will this agony ever end?

Juri awoke slowly and pressed at her eyes. The sun was filtering in through her blinds. The fan was off.

And she was alone.

The pillow still smelled of Shiori though. The whole room was awash in Shiori somehow.

Juri slowly got up and walked to the bathroom. The lights came on with white heat and illuminated what was once in darkness.

And the floor, the sink, the shower--all was covered in rose petals.

Petals of yellow.

All of them yellow.

Yellow, yellow, yellow…

~

__

'I am the only one who can fight her now, Akio. Everyone else is weak.'

'You are weak as well, Saionji…we are all weak when faced with our dreams. They like to tear us apart--and we want to be torn.'

Shiori's cell phone rang loud and clear.

'It's over.' A smooth voice said. Shiori could not place it at first…trying too hard to be Akio's, not cold enough to be Akio's…

'What is over…?' Shiori asked, abandoning her magazine and her nail polish.

Just silence, then a soft click.

Shiori placed the phone away from her and looked at a blank wall in the tower.

It was white.

It was pure and solid.

It was what she must be to survive.

__

…dangerous thoughts only lead to destruction…

But her hands itched to cover it in color, to leave her mark here--for all of time.

__

…you must move with caution, you must think out your game…

Shiori poured the nail polish--red, purple, black and blue--into a bowl. She immersed her hands into it and smeared a cut against the surface.

A bruise. A wound. A gash.

Just like Shiori.

__

…you'll never win, it's over…

'It's over…' Shiori whispered, stepping back and admiring her masterpiece.

And outside the window, down below, were footsteps running to the forest…

Shiori felt something hot and wet trickle down her face.

It could be tears…it could be blood…Shiori did not know--she did not care.

__

…it's over…

'Juri-sama!' Shiori screamed out, dropping to her knees.

She screamed that name over and over and over until her voice left her.

Until it was a whisper.

Until it was a choking sob ripped from her throat.

~

__

'Don't fight me. Just let it go, just be free.'

'But you forget who I am, Himemiya Anthy…I am Kiryuu Nanami. I never stop fighting.'

Utena thought that it was more a clash of wills than a clash of blades.

Each time they connected, Utena could feel the emotion coming off of them--it was a wealth of anger and need, it was the very struggle of life.

Nanami looked like a wisp of golden hue, a brief shaft of perfect light that can only last a moment…just a moment…before it is gone forever.

Anthy was wild, like a flower taking over…all brown and green and violet…like the Earth was her mother and Anthy, the only child born of her beauty…

Their eyes burned with fire, burned with passion, burned with a twisted understanding.

And when Nanami was dropping to the ground, like a delicate feather---Utena thought she looked so like a child.

So like a wounded child.

So like a kitten about to be drown.

Anthy stood panting, her arm still outstretched and the sword still poised.

Utena still stood silent and her hands clasped before her.

No birds, no wind…just silence…

__

…such a beautiful way to lose…

But then someone shoved past her, knocking her to the ground and Utena laid there, watching ants crawl over the arena floor.

__

…that's what we all are…

~

Anthy found herself turned around forcefully and faced with Juri's glare.

'Did you hurt her?' Juri hissed out. 

Anthy matched the glare with one of her own.

'It seems to me that you alone are capable of doing that. Why are you here?'

Juri let Anthy go and felt the anger drain away, leaving only inward malice in Juri's skull. Juri looked over at Nanami, eyes closed and breathing heavy. 

Anthy watched Juri's face soften, turn to gray shadow even in daylight.

'It is easy to run away. Easy to merge with the past and not go with the future…that is Ohtori's power, Akio's power, my power even…but those that face what they fear can then leave it behind. They can make a new path, Juri.' 

Juri watched mute as Anthy walked away, stopping only to help Utena up and then disappearing down the stairway.

A new path. A future. Letting go of the past.

__

…it is impossible to grow, there are no miracles…

Juri knelt down beside Nanami and found her hand already brushing back blonde hair. The girl opened her eyes and they were like a window to heaven--until that view was closed, just a quick.

'I lost, but I am told I can now leave. Forever.' Nanami said as she sat up. Juri wanted to speak, but did not know what words to say.

__

…you broke your promise to her…

'If you feel guilty, don't. I came here of my own freewill and I leave under the same. I did not come here…' Nanami stopped then, unable to lie. She was trying not to look into Juri's eyes and trying not to hope for something she could not have.

'I came here because of you…' Nanami whispered and Juri listened intently.

__

…a new path…

'…but I am leaving with myself, Juri.'

~

__

'I was kinda hoping for a more juicy ending to that one…' 

You do not answer. For really, what else needs to be said…?

~~~

TBC


	29. Nijuu roku

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

~~~

__

'It's sad…don't you think?' The other you asks aloud. And you notice that the television is off now. And the lights are dim. And the other parts of you are gone.

'What?' You ask. The other you smiles a bit and sits their mug down.

'Ya know, love gone wrong. Like those two. Like with you. Like with us all.'

You sit there and ponder over the words.

Love gone wrong.

When something born of purity begins to rot, when what was once bright is now dark, when you fall and there is no net to catch you.

'Do you want to go back now? After seeing everything…after seeing her play your game, seeing yourself mute…?'

'I…don't know…' You stutter. The other you stands up and stretches, then moves beside you--places an arm about your shoulders.

'You have a life outside of here, outside of the gate. You have my life, **our** life--the one I forged as you slept!'

You stare at the other you, eyes wide…heart pounding…pulse racing…

'Do you really want to throw it all away for a dream?'

~

She tried to take a picture of it before the vision was cut away…before it faded like sunlight does to night…

And it burned her eyes--it felt like fire, an inferno on her retinas.

But not really…no, not really…it was just tears.

Nanami cried like a child once the gate shut on her and she spun around, this desperate momentary feeling of anguish gripped her.

And it was Juri.

__

Juri…bathed in gold, eyes of the sea…Juri…at the gate and one solitary hand loose on the metal…Juri…whispering words that Nanami dare not believe…

'It will all be okay, you know…' Touga's voice quietly as the car hummed.

It was then that Nanami realized they were moving, at high speed, down a lonely cut of highway.

She did not want to know how her brother got this car or what deed he must perform to keep it. She did not want to bother herself with the tall tales the backseat could produce.

That was all gone now. 

And her snapshot of that fearless panther, forever caged, was disappearing along with her tortured memories.

'How naïve you are, dear brother…' Nanami smiled and laid her head back.

The ride back to reality was a long one…she would need her rest.

~

Akio and Saionji sat on the couch.

Shiori was comatose on the floor, eyes open and muttering…but not truly awake at all…

And they looked at the wall.

Akio grinned at the picture--_poor wounded bird, blood pouring out…just like a Princess who is a Witch…just like Shiori, just like my sister…_

Saionji, on the other hand, felt irrational fear--_pure madness, insanity…she is insane and I hear voices, but not my own…not my own…_

'Let's go back to my room…' Akio murmured, sliding off the couch gracefully. Saionji looked at Shiori's curled up body.

'Shouldn't we do something about her?' He asked softly. A voice inside him said to help her…to help her is to help himself somehow…

'She wants this.' Akio smiled as he walked away.

Saionji walked over to the girl and watched her lips move. 

Endless movements, endless sentences and phrases, endless chatter.

And her eyes…so wide and dilated, a pit of burnt purple…it was disturbing.

But Saionji understood this--beyond the ring and this place, he understood this fragility of ones soul.

__

…it hurts to be forever broken, forever one step behind, forever in someone else's shadow…

And so Saionji picked her up, for she was so very light. He placed her on the couch and closed the metal shutters of the tower. The stars came out and he placed a blanket over her.

'May you find some solace in your dreams now.' Saionji said before turning away quickly, running down the hall and to Akio's room.

And with each touch, Saionji hoped all errant bits of compassion or caring would be scorched away…

~

Anthy did not sleep.

She merely laid there, awake and unmoving.

Sometimes, she would caress Utena's hair or skin. Sometimes, she would leave the room entirely and walk outside.

But this time, Anthy remained in bed.

The clock ticked to the right. Rain fell outside. Utena's breathing.

Akio hummed inside her mind, a little tune from when they were children.

__

'You should be asleep, Anthy-chan…'

'I cannot sleep. And you are one to talk.'

A small laugh. More humming.

'Do you remember the words, Akio?'

'No…no, I do not…'

Silence.

'Do you know what I wish for, brother?'

'I might, but you tell me.'

'I wish that you and I were dead.'

More silence.

'I know. But it was not meant to be, dearest sister…'

'You should be asleep, Anthy-sama…' Utena's soft voice spoke, startling Anthy like a thunderclap. She could not have heard us…? Could she, a temporary Rose Bride…?

'Only at night, Anthy-sama…when my mind wanders…I can hear you. I can always hear you.' Utena mumbles, turning to face Anthy and burrow into her arms.

Anthy holds her close, absent-mindedly kissing the top of Utena's head.

__

Sleep now Utena, sleep now and awake with the dawn…and I'll make my plans in the morning from now on…

~~~

TBC


	30. Nijuu shichi

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

~~~

__

'You know something, Anthy-sama…………

Juri felt the sky open up and, when she expected rain, she was blessed with sun.

Forgiving sun, life-giving sun.

The kind that breaks over the darkness, pierces the clouds and illuminates the entire universe with warmth.

And for once, in so very long, those tendrils of heat washed over her body.

Juri was alive.

The locked was shattered.

The rose was gone.

And she was…alive…

To the right, Shiori watched in muted fascination--her reason for fighting, her reason for losing her mind, her reason for hating and doubting--that 'reason' had become a bird of gold.

It was flying away.

For good.

Shiori clutched her chest as if her heart might constrict and explode, rendering her body useless and her mind vacant. She staggered back as if cut loose from a dock.

'It's over…' She muttered, watching Juri rise up and watching Juri close her eyes, head leaning back.

White petals danced over the surface of the arena, tripping and floating toward Shiori's feet.

She picked up one and cradled it in her palm--that's when she felt Juri's eyes on her.

Pinning her, examining her, questioning her.

And Shiori had no answers.

~

__

…it sometimes feels as if the long, long days here………

Anthy stood at the top and looked down.

How she loved her ledge…the one that could have saved them all years ago, lifetimes ago…

But it was not nighttime now. And Utena could not save her from jumping.

All the secrets were revealed that time, all the lies became truth and back again.

No, this was different--this time, it was early dawn.

The sun was barely awake.

The moon still a faint disc in the sky.

And best of all--no stars.

Anthy looked back at Utena, the girl caressing the two dueling roses.

It was sickening, to see her Prince this way.

Docile. Timid. Lifeless.

But no win is without sacrifice, Anthy knew this…she knew it and played by the rules, Anthy plays to win.

A final win.

The ultimate end.

'Dios…if you can still hear me, wherever you may be, is this what it felt like to have the world resting on your shoulders?' Anthy asked aloud.

But the answer was blown away with the wind.

Juri's voice broke her reverie.

'I want to leave.' The panther stated and Anthy could not help but smile.

'I know.' She replied.

~

__

…are perhaps cursed to forever………

Saionji left Akio's room and walked the halls, ran his fingers over the walls. He found a room with a piano--gathering dust. He found a room with fencing trophies--cobwebs covering them. 

All these rooms…they hold something precious to us all.

Saionji dropped to his knees helplessly in an abandoned kendo room.

Akio owns a part of us all.

'It does not have to be that way.' A voice echoed. Saionji did not look up from staring at his clutched hands.

'Touga…are you free?' Saionji asked in a whisper.

Silence greeted him.

And that was the only answer--none of us are free. Not from Akio, not from this ring, not from our pasts.

Saionji stood up and walked back out, into the planetarium. Shiori was still frozen upon the couch.

He knelt by her and felt her forehead. Cool to the touch. Like the dead.

Sometimes, when Akio kissed him, Saionji forgot that he was on borrowed time.

Only gaining eternity would give him life once more.

Only reaching the castle would give him true peace of mind.

Then he looks at this plum-haired girl, a fine example of what this place can do to someone, and Saionji wonders at his own logic.

'Chasing ideals, chasing butterflies…how foolish I have become…' Saionji mutters.

That's when Shiori awakes, bolting up as if spring loaded. Her eyes dart around and focus on Saionji. 

'Are you alright?' He asks softly.

'She is leaving…she is leaving…I must get to her…she cannot leave without me!' Shiori rambled off, ending with a desperate plea.

Then she ran from the tower, toward the forest…

Saionji watched her until her image disappeared.

~

__

…and ever, to move backwards instead of forwards………

Juri stood at the gate long after that red car was gone, long after the sun had set and night took over with its black reign.

And she watched the clouds move over the moon.

Watched the heavens shift with ease…how easily they cut across the sky, how simply they flow along with time…

Many emotions have lived inside Juri's heart--determination, anger, compassion, fear and love.

Yes, love…the most troublesome of them all.

The kind of love Juri knows is the very kind that can rule your world.

Possession, obsession, hidden feelings and desires.

The kind you keep in a locket, sheltered from prying eyes.

The kind that can hurt you over and over, yet you still go back to it.

Juri thought that was love.

But that is all it is now--a **thought**.

A dream, a miracle that cannot come true…at least not with Shiori.

Juri could see the girl in her mind, as she was when they first met…

A delicate child but oh so beautiful compared to any other, small and sweet and fragile…and Juri so wanted to protect her innocence.

Instead, between the two of them, it was ruined.

And now…Juri saw another path, one that could save them.

In order to be free, one must **want** to be free.

And Juri wanted to be free now, wanted outside of this stupid gate and back into the real world…a world with hope and possibilities…a world with…with…

'Nanami.' Juri said softly, her lips involuntarily curving into a grin.

~

__

…and memories to be running within that maze of time.' Utena finished.

And Anthy merely smiled at her, knowing all too well what Utena spoke of…

~~~

TBC


	31. Nijuu hachi

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

~~~

__

Boys will be boys

That is what they say

Boys will be boys

And they love to play

Boys will be boys

And they love war

Boys will be boys

And they always want more

Boys do not cry, they fight

Boys do not need mind, they use might

Yes, boys will be boys

That is what they say

And they'll be trapped that way

Until their dying day

And you know…boys make pretty corpses…

~

'Your time has come…' Akio whispered into Saionji's ear one cold night.

And for the first time, in all the time at Ohtori, snow fell to the ground.

A blanket of white covered the ground and it crunched under Saionji's feet as he walked, as he began to run…

The black of his sheath, lacquered and serpent like, curled around his numb hands.

__

…the living dead love to breathe again…don't they…?

Strands of his Earth-bound hair, tied back for traditions sake, came loose and broke free with the frozen wind.

__

…the grave is as empty as your heart…isn't it…?

This is my time, Saionji repeated over and over and over.

Until the words flowed as fast as his body moved.

Until they matched the beating of his blood.

Until they could be read in the wake of his footprints.

Touga sat on the steps.

And he looked like a statue, covered in a small layer of snow and frost.

His eyes of the sharpest azure were open wide, all seeing and all knowing…and they saw Saionji approach, saw the steps slow down and stumble with sudden trepidation…

Touga fingers held a rose of white, only the green stem stood out against all this blankness.

Saionji stared at his once friend, his once opponent, his once everything.

'So beautiful, so removed…how fitting to be like this…' Saionji whispered, drawing closer. He had to fight the impulse to reach out and touch the slick skin.

It looked like marble.

'And it would feel like ice.' A voice said and Saionji turned around, too tired to be surprised.

'How many are there of you?' Saionji asked the Touga standing behind him, very much mobile and very much alive it seemed.

'Just one.' Touga answered.

Saionji chuckled. Nothing could be believe here, at the edge of the stairwell, within the dueling forest.

'Just the one you know and love, your friend. Only he exists now.' Touga stated, stepping closer to his chilled replica.

And Touga caressed the hardened hair, the jaw line, the fingers that held the rose.

'Let me help you.' Touga said softly.

'This is my battle, Touga. **Mine**…alone…' Saionji spat out, pushing past the two and starting his ascension.

__

'It's been a long time since we've done this…' Touga said with a smile.

'And I was driving last time…' Akio smiled back.

And so they rode on for hours, that could have been days. You never know on this highway. 

'What will happen?' Touga asked, not sure if the End of the World really had the answers at all.

Akio let his hair fly back and closed his eyes.

'I only know of my outcome…' Akio whispered. 

And Touga wondered what it might be. His days of living ended, same for Saionji--the others have escaped thus far…but what of Utena? Of Anthy? Of this world and revolution? Of Dios? Of everything?

Akio reached over and let his fingers play with Touga's hair.

'You are too gorgeous to be dead you know.' Akio grinned.

Touga smiled slightly.

'I wish I could say the same of you…'

~

Saionji awoke slowly and, once up, made his way silently around the tower.

All was quiet.

He thought that it might actually be empty.

But then he could hear a small chatter, voices in the distance. His feet carried him down one hallway and into another--each voice becoming louder and more distinctive.

He pushed the doors open slightly and then all the way.

'What is going on?' Saionji asked breathlessly.

Touga and Akio looked up from playing a game of chess.

'I am beating Touga at his own game.' Akio smirked, to which Touga glared.

Saionji's eyes darted over to the far left, something catching his eye…by the window…a flash of pink…

'Tenjou-san…?' He murmured.

But it was not the girl-prince, it was a man…a man with pink hair and a blue uniform…

'Don't mind him…he is dead, like you…' Akio laughed.

And Saionji felt himself gripped by bony hands, tugged along--though he fought, Saionji could not break free from this man's hold.

And this man was talking, not to him, but to the shadows surrounding them the further they went away from Akio and Touga.

Muttering words, repeating phrases…he smelled of sulfur and Saionji's eyes began to water uncontrollably.

'This is the way to go. The only way to go. Down and down and down…to the center of this world, to the black heart that beats there…that is where failed experiments go…' The man said close to Saionji's ear, before flinging him downward--down into a never-ending darkness.

To death with no rebirth.

To the End of Everything.

__

Akio sat back and watched silently the man opposite him.

And the man watched him just as quietly.

For minutes, they did this. 

'Where is Mamiya?' The man asked.

'Dead.' Akio answered.

'Where am I?'

Akio smiled at this. 'You are anywhere I want you to be.'

The man smiled now.

'And where are you?' He asked.

Akio's brow furrowed in puzzlement…this was not in the conversations before…

And the other man began to laugh, a low rumble--so very foreign to Akio's ears--that spread into full laughter, a coarse and haunting laugh.

And Akio was, for the first time since as a child, afraid.

'Be quiet.' Akio snapped.

But the man kept laughing, on and on…until Akio walked away, not running…not running…walking away, just to walk away…

Back to his tower, to his stars, to his castle in the sky.

Where it is safe…where he was safe…

Touga never told anyone. Not because he believed it to be wrong, but others might…and what others thought of him was becoming steadily important.

And it came about so suddenly--was this real? Or did he just need it?

Adoration came to him naturally.

People loved him as a child. They flocked to be around him.

Yet Touga did not notice it…not until **he **wanted to be around him…

They were too young really. Too young and too silly and too stupidly trying to be older. But it was there all the same.

Touga and Saionji. Friends.

And so it began, one of Touga's lifelong relationships--the one seemingly so simple yet more complex than all the others.

Not like with Nanami. That complex was all her own.

Not like the girls Touga slept with. They were just bees to his flower.

Not like Akio. They used each other all the time…it was a big game.

Saionji held this bitterness like a weapon, this envy burned at his heart…but what lay on the other side of those feelings?

Much the same things that Touga decided, so many years ago, to keep hidden.

Caring and devotion--even more than that…even more…

They could hurt each other so because they actually needed each other so.

It was the one that was truly a two-way street.

Pain in one lane, love in the other.

Touga stands back sometimes, beside his own tombstone, and wonders if he could have changed things in the past--to be honest the next time around, to say how he felt and remove those chains that killed their friendship…

But maybe not, maybe nothing would change.

Maybe it is just another useless dream.

~

__

Akio bit Saionji's ear and the man woke up, startled.

'Rise and shine. Your day of atonement has arrived…' Akio whispers.

And Saionji puts his clothes on slowly, his dreams of late--they have given him no rest.

And Touga watches from another room, closing the door…once again, holding his tongue--holding back the words that need to be said.

And the laughter of a ghost skirts over the campus, a dead man who has gone mad and yet understands this place far better than anyone could imagine.

~~~

TBC


	32. Nijuu kuu

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

~~~

__

She was huddled in the corner and did not move.

It was a case of magical thinking.

Think small, be small. Like a mouse--gray and tiny and hidden.

And those voices, those harsh and killing voices could not find her there.

In her hole in the wall.

Under cover and tucked away from sight.

Then she could lick her wounds. Then she could heal and rest once more.

Then, and only then, could she become whoever it was she was meant to be.

'Wake up, child…wake and see the new dawn. A chilled morning. A very cold sun. And I made its glory, like he made the stars. I made the snow fall down like he makes stones crumble.'

__

All those harsh voices…haunting like an icy wind…

Shiori sat up slowly.

Two days had passed. Two nights had come and gone without her knowing.

__

Juri is gone. Juri is gone. Juri is gone.

And she stumbled from her room, barefoot into this sudden blizzard…the air like a knife against her skin…

Her flesh turned from creamy pale to dull blue, the blue of her veins pressing up in search for warmth…and her face was a rough red, a blush like no other--from an exertion like no other.

Shiori had been twisted in bed sheets and arms. She had rushed after those better than herself like a dog. She had cried rivers in the dark of night.

But nothing is as red as this windblown caress.

As this realization that the end is near, the end is here…

~

__

'What's wrong with you?' Anthy asked softly.

And Akio's silence in her mind was deafening…it was so very quiet, once her brother spoke, a chill ran up Anthy's spine.

'I just realized something, dear sister…something I should have seen…'

A pause.

'You did not do this then?' Anthy asked, her gut knotting up now.

'Someone else wanted Winter, Anthy. Someone else has their axe to grind.'

Saionji stood tall upon the arena. Delicate snowflakes rained down, each one making its silent descent to the ground…it was beautiful.

Beautiful and so very **right**.

Right to be barren and blank, to see nothing under the white…as if this duel was merely a rebirth.

To life anew, to life once more given…

'You are mad.' Touga said from the side, slipping out into raw arctic sunlight sloping over the edges of clouds.

'Not mad, Touga. This is my day…my time for something eternal…' Saionji sighed.

He was happy now, more content than all the years before this moment.

__

…my time has come…the circle is now complete…

'I offered to help you, remember that…' Touga stated, placing his hand upon Saionji's shoulder.

It was personal and affectionate. So unlike Touga. Saionji furrowed his brow and stepped away.

'Is there something I should know? Something you are not telling me?'

Touga remained in front of him, no more words left his lips but they did turn slightly upward.

A grin, like the old ones…but different somehow…not so frigid and superior…

'I know nothing, my good friend, nothing at all…'

And then Touga pulled Saionji swiftly and pulled Saionji close, placing their lips together in one fleeting kiss…

__

…something eternal…

~

__

'You see more than you let on, ya know…' 

Again, not a question, just a fact.

This other you deals in facts. Otherwise, they would not have made it in the private investigator business.

This other you is street smart, savvy and slick.

This other you wouldn't have been sucked in so easily.

'Hey now, don't beat yourself up over this. I **was** there you know…I knew the rules and I still played. We all gotta take a risk sometime…'

You nod your head as you look up forlornly at the screen.

Another duel, another one free.

'Not him. He's dead already.' The other you says in between handfuls of peanuts.

Already dead, yet still trapped there…linked forever to your bitter and useless dreams…The other you chuckles.

'Now you see my point. If you just let go of this, everything will be okay. Trust me…trust us.'

And you just do not know who should be listened to, who should be ignored!

The you up above is a shell.

And the revolution is down below, in this bar.

'But I refuse to say that little speech about the chick and the egg…' The other you smirks and you cannot help but laugh in return.

Akio could sense Anthy going up the long stairway to the arena.

He could see Utena by her side, like a sliver of coral…almost shattered by the wind…

But something else was niggling at his mind.

****

Someone else…they had made their presence known now, emerged from the shadows and presented a difficulty Akio did not foresee.

Most problems were of Akio's making.

Most everything was of Akio's making…at least here, in Ohtori…

But now, Akio was beginning to wonder…if maybe, just maybe…this Ohtori is in no one's hands.

Not his, not his sisters.

No, not even belonging to this old pawn from the grave…

They were all on their own now.

And that numb feeling crept all through Akio's body once more.

~

__

'Take away the pain. If you want to be free, you must take freedom from someone else…'

And she heard his voice as clear as a bell, from behind her as she sat on a tiny little chair…

…in a tiny blue room…

…forever going down…

And she ended up at her own grave, her own coffin laying dormant…waiting for her to come home…

Utena pressed at her forehead, but the pain would not subside. It kept rolling up in waves of agony. And with each stab, her knees would buckle.

Anthy tried to help her along, but had to leave her once she got to the top.

__

…must go home…must get free once more…

'What are you doing here?' Anthy exclaimed to a uniformed Shiori. The plum-haired girl had her sword raised and pointed at a confused Saionji.

'I am leaving here and I'll fight whoever I have to in order to get out.' Shiori explained calmly.

'These are not the rules, Shiori. You fight me, **only** me…and now is not your time.' 

Shiori grinned over at Anthy then, her eyes lit up from within--a dark fire.

Anthy had to fight the impulse to step backwards.

'You cannot order me, Himemiya-san. I know your secrets. I know of your power. He came to me and told me…he told me!' Shiori yelled.

Saionji looked from one woman to the other.

'What the hell is she talking about, Anthy?'

And for once, Anthy did not know…and it scared her to the core of her being…

Utena tried to listen, tried to focus and understand the words being said. But it was no use, they were all jumbled up and mixed up and messed up.

She could hear Anthy and tried to walk toward her. 

The steps seemed uneven and her legs moved in slow-motion.

She was swaying. Or something was pushing her back and forth.

And the pain, it increased tenfold, forcing her down to her knees with a cry of anguish.

__

…if you want freedom, you must take it…take what you want…do it…

'Can you stop it? Now that you know…?' Touga asked suddenly from that familiar bed above the arena.

Akio took shallow breaths, sweat trickling down his face in salty trails.

'I did not see it. I did not know I had lost control…what can I do? I can do nothing! I am powerless now…I've lost eternity…I've lost it all!' Akio wailed, more to himself than to Touga.

All his dreams--gone.

It was all a lie.

A fantasy.

A joke.

And Akio was now lost, a shambles, a wreck of a man.

His mind was swirling in and out of focus. 

His body was shaking and his muscles were constricting painfully.

'Touga…this is the end of all things…' Akio whispered.

And the sudden clash of swords brought their eyes back to the scene below.

Anthy began to summon her power, regardless of Shiori's words.

__

This was not her plan. This was not the way things were supposed to go.

But before she could, a hand gripped her shoulder.

'Funny how things go when you forget the past, when you try to outrun history.'

And Anthy could finally put all her nagging fears in a place, within the voice of this man…this walking and talking reminder of the sins of long ago…the fate all of them must face and defeat…

'Mikage…' Anthy whispered.

'And so it shall remain, for all eternity. I shall end this world and then I shall end all of you, Himemiya Anthy. My eternity still waits…and Death will obtain it for me.'

Utena contorted on the ground, her heart pounding practically out of her chest. A whirlpool of images berated her as she twisted and turned.

She could see swords hitting against each other, she could feel fear and worry, she could smell ice water and wet tree bark, she could hear many voices inside her brain…all of them vying for control, trying to take the stage…

__

…trust me, trust us…

…save the princess…

…take your freedom back…

…let it go, let it go, let it go…

~~~

TBC

__


	33. Sanjuu

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

~~~

__

'He will die once more. I see it now…I led him to this fate, just as I have led myself to my own…he will die and…so…will…I…' Akio spoke, his voice monotone.

And Touga turned to him, the confusion set upon his face in tortured lines.

'Die? He is already dead!'

Akio just closed his eyes and buried his face away.

It was all crumbling.

Is this your punishment Dios? Is this how the world outside goes?

All these dreams, these images used to craft the walls and forge the swords…

All these hearts, this well of love and despair to make a whole other plane of existence…

…all for it to fall away and to fade…

…to have no hope answered…

And Dios came to him then, no longer sitting upon a lifeless gray world of stone.

He was resplendent in white and gold.

He was smiling with offered forgiveness…if Akio so wanted it…

…and Akio did…

Saionji did not see it, not this time.

He had trained his mind to fight without compassion yet not without honor.

Death before honor.

But Saionji was dead…wasn't he…?

He died in that hallway. His blood ran out of his body like a waterfall.

Bullets from Tenjou Utena's gun pierced the flesh and cracked the bones and punctured his lungs.

He was dead.

And this was his one chance to gain life once again…to seize his eternity…to finally gain never-ending peace…

And it was slipping past him, much like a breeze might or the snowflakes that are falling. Saionji saw his opportunity dying…much like he did before it…

Shiori was like a woman possessed.

Her eyes were like another weapon--sharp and vengeful, attacking in random patterns…and those movements found her blade, made it a willing dance partner.

Before he knew it, Shiori had back him against the wall and dismembered his rose of white.

Its petals matched the snow.

Saionji lowered his head, ready to admit another painful defeat…to retreat to his realm of the dead…

~

__

'You can't do this…' Anthy murmured. Mikage simply smiled and jerked her to his chest. 

'This is the only way. He failed. You failed. She failed. We have all failed in our state of living and our state of limbo…but no more. Now it shall be finished.'

Anthy pulled away from him and rubbed at her arm.

Everything was going wrong now…everything was falling apart…

Mikage laughed.

'What? Your plan was useless…the only part that is in accordance with mine is the end…'

Anthy drew her sword and leveled it with his cold eyes.

'Then fight me. Leave the others and try to gain your precious eternity…try to best me…'

Anthy prayed to God, an entity that had long abandoned her, for this to work…to be able to salvage the last tendrils of her ideal…

'If the end is all that matters…then you should take it now…' Anthy said, her lips curling up of their own volition into a feral grin.

Mikage matched it with one of his own.

'I'll take my chances…' He whispered before fading away.

A part of Shiori's mind was locked away and watching.

That part was silent and staring and shell-shocked.

It was a little girl.

__

…what have you become…?

Shiori hated that girl.

No one could love her, no one wanted her, no one needed her.

And so Shiori shut her away. 

Stuck her in a room and boarded up the windows and locked the doors…

__

…why can't you love me…?

As she cut the rose from Saionji's chest and saw his eyes wilt in resignation, Shiori heard that girl…that little slip of nothing inside of her…that curse she could not wash or cut or kill away…

__

…don't you want to be free…?

'This **is **freedom.' Shiori said aloud before driving the sword forward and into Saionji's stomach, pushing it until the hilt touched his clothes and she could feel the cloth on her fingers.

The little girl fell to the ground and cried…like she always did…

Shiori just stared out into the white of the storm.

__

Years and years ago, one day…summertime it seems…and they ran up the hill. A nice tree stood at the top. Apple blossoms covered the green grass.

And Saionji climbed to the top, his knees getting cut along the way. 

Touga wanted to follow but also enjoyed watching the other boy move…it was graceful, yet not like Touga's type of graceful…more animal like, more wild…

'The view is perfect!' Saionji exclaimed, out of breath.

And Touga smiled at his friend, trying to remember that grin on his lips for all of time.

'Yes it is…' Touga whispered.

Touga felt nothing.

It was cold…he knew that.

The wind was bitter.

Touga saw nothing.

He knew Akio sat beside him, hiding his eyes.

He knew that a pink-haired man disappeared as if air.

But something was wrong…yes, something was wrong…

No more swords against each other.

No bells to ring, to signal beginning or end.

And red.

Out of the corner of his vision, Touga saw red. Like his hair--but not.

A rich and vibrant red.

A oasis of red.

Red, red, red, red.

Then…it hit him…a sudden jolt to his body, a tremor like vibration…

__

'he will die once more…'

'No…' Touga said quietly, moving down the stairs and out onto the arena.

But it was true.

Like Touga was gone. Like Shiori was motionless. Like Anthy was coming closer, with slow steps. Like Akio was pulling inward. Like Utena was the Rose Bride.

Touga knelt down beside Saionji's body, touching the still warm skin and watching the blood soak the snow, painting the ground with color.

'I…don't…understand…' Touga whispered.

But he was talking to no one…no one but himself…

~

Anthy pulled Shiori along, not that the girl was fighting her.

It was like she was in a trance.

And perhaps she was in one…a state of blindness that Mikage created…

Anthy pushed her against the wall and said her name.

She said it over and over…but got no response.

'Fine. We'll do this the hard way.' Anthy spoke before shutting her eyes.

And she went inside, shadowed corridors and mazes that made up Shiori's mind…Anthy dived deep into her darkness and found her there, weeping like a child.

__

'What happened?' Anthy asked her.

'He told me that I could leave…he said I could be free…I heard him, he said so…but I'm still here…I'm still here…' Shiori cried out.

'If you killed Saionji?' Anthy questioned.

'If I could open the door, I could walk away…that's what he said…' Shiori continued.

Anthy sighed and grabbed the girl, twisting her arm painfully. Shiori screamed out in pain.

'He is using you. He is using your mind. He cannot help you out…but I can.'

And Shiori stared at her, wide-eyed.

'Trust me.' Anthy said, trying to sound strong…but she feared it came off more of a plea instead…

'I just want out.' Shiori whispered.

'Then let's get you out…' Anthy whispered back.

'But…this is the gate…?' Akio questioned. Dios smiled at him.

That was his way of talking, of guiding…Akio smiled back.

'I don't think I should leave. This is my home.' Akio said wistfully, looking out past the bars of iron, to infinity on the other-side…

Dios took his hand and kissed the palm, then marked a star onto the lines there.

'A star………' Akio mumbled softly.

Dios pointed to the sky.

'Like me, a star…like you…is that what you mean? That I will go with you now?' Akio asked, his heartbeat accelerating.

Dios nodded.

And Akio felt like maybe his prayers had been answered, somehow…he had found the way out and did not need to use his tricks, his machines, his games…not now, not with Dios taking him back…

'But…what of Anthy? Can she come with us?' 

Dios just watched him silently until Akio looked away.

'Then I want to see her once more…if my sin is to be parted from her, I want to speak to her and see her again.' 

Dios nodded again and motioned for Akio to follow.

It was quiet.

For once…

No wind rustling. No music. No idle chatter.

And Touga could barely see.

His eyes kept darting over to the seat beside him, to the lifeless body beside him, to his only true friend, to his……his……

Touga slammed the brakes and screamed out loud, bringing his fists down onto the steering wheel. 

Once Touga calmed down, his voice sounded foreign to his own ears.

'I wanted to help you…I wanted to save you this time, like the others…I was the Prince this time…what went wrong? What went wrong?'

__

'Akio brought me back to life without telling me. That's what went wrong.'

Touga looked up quickly to find Saionji sitting on the hood of the car…then he looked to the side, to the passenger seat. The body was still there. Still dead.

__

'You're not the only one who gets to do this…'

Touga smiled but it was not happy or relieved. It was tired.

'I wanted you to live.' 

__

'I know you did…but it was not meant to be. I am free though. Free from my reckless desires and deadly ambitions…Touga, I am free.'

And for the first time in a very long time, Touga felt hot tears fall from his eyes. They trailed down his face like a river, a silent and grief-filled river.

__

'How odd that the dead can cry…don't you think?'

And Saionji's hand raised his chin, wiping some of the tears away with a smile.

__

'It's over, Touga…we can leave now…and it can be together if you want.'

Touga cleared his throat and tried to compose himself.

Pride never truly died. Nor did habits…though some **could** be reworked…

'Lead the way.' Touga half-smiled.

~

__

Utena woke up suddenly.

And her eyes found a chair opposite her…but it was not empty.

A man watched her closely.

Too closely.

'Where am I?' She asked.

'With me.' He answered.

'But what is going on…?"

Her head hurt still…in fact her whole body ached…

'A game is going on, Tenjou Utena. And we all play in it…we've been Princes and Princesses, we've been human and non-human, we've fought and we've given up…but I have figured out the way to win.'

Utena could barely follow his voice. Everything was out of proportion or blurred.

The room would be spinning one moment, then very still the next.

'Death is the answer. Yours. Theirs. Once that final blow comes, this place will cease to exist…like a black hole, the outside world will devour this realm. But what we are--this electrical system beyond our flesh…it will live on. And I can harness it, I can use it to recreate and reshape destiny…time…everything…'

Utena tried to stand up but fell down, her face smacking the floor painfully.

This man picked her up and glared into her eyes, gripping her shoulders tight.

'Don't you want to be free? To leave that coffin, to leave your pain…to find happiness…to find your Prince? Isn't that what you have always wanted?'

And Utena knew that there were many answers to that question, but only one could surface in her mind and fall off her tongue.

'Yes…I want to be free…I want my Prince…'

And the man smiled at her, a slow and creeping smile.

'I will show you the way.' 

~~~

TBC


	34. Sanjuu ichi

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'

~~~

Anthy sat quietly, watching Shiori rock back and forth every so often.

Then the girl would be still, her eyes wide and seeking out unseen shadows.

But Shiori was the least of Anthy's worries…there was so much more going on now, so much more going wrong now…

Mikage was tampering with her plan.

And her brother was silent in her mind.

And Utena…Anthy's reason for doing all of this…she was basically gone…

Oh, her body still pumped blood and her pulse was weak, but it was there.

But her eyes were shut.

Her figure did not move upon the bed.

Like a beautiful and fragile corpse, like a frozen flower…

…Utena was gone…

__

'every time we do this, it never works…'

Anthy stood up and began to pace, circling the couch that held Shiori then passing the window overlooking the campus and back around once more.

__

'…it never ever works…'

Utena's sword was lifeless on the ground.

It did not shine or gleam with the spirit of its owner.

It was dull.

It was begging to be shattered.

And for a moment, Anthy regretted her decision of coming back to Ohtori…of bringing any of them back or letting them think they could escape…of being alive in a world that keeps forgetting the past and destroys the future…

The gate called to her.

And Anthy wanted so badly to run to it.

__

It was more than a dream.

It was reality.

More real than anything she had seen or felt before…

And now, she could rest.

She could sleep in this satin-lined haven, close to those that left her behind and her hands could finally grasp onto her sweet-scented salvation…

Her Prince.

He was here, a dark face--wrapped in black--but tender fingers and soft words worked their magic…

It was magic, she decided.

Wonderful and perfect magic that brought them together once more.

No need to fight, no need to duel, no need to chase after broken promises.

Her Prince loved her, needed her, wanted her, wanted to protect her.

And Utena could feel her heart beat a little faster at the thought of it…the very idea of being with her Prince for eternity…

Never-mind that sound at the back of her throat, never-mind that repressed growl of frustration, never-mind some pained whisper echoing in her ears…

Her Prince is here.

And here is where she will stay.

Forever.

Akio stood on the duel arena, glancing at the stars once more…before he joined them, before he ascended to the heavens with Dios.

Dios lingered near, disappearing when clouds passed overhead--then immerging once more in moonlight.

A gorgeous silver outline against midnight.

Akio smiled and shut his eyes.

'Where is Anthy?' He asked, knowing Dios would give him some form of an answer.

'The better question would be what will Anthy become…? Or you for that matter?' Mikage replied from behind Akio, making the latter man spin around in shock.

Akio sneered at the man, trying to gain some footing.

'I created such a convincing illusion.'

Mikage smiled back, his teeth like knives in the darkness--too white, too noticeable…

'I think you are the illusion, Himemiya Akio. You and your sister and all your playthings…but soon reality will take hold. Death will give birth to life anew---just not yours.'

And Mikage came at him so quickly that Akio had no time to respond, just his eyes going wide and his body crashing down hard at the impact.

And pain…a swell of pain, up his sides and into his chest and around his torso…

He was bleeding.

'How…how can this…b-b-be…?' Akio whispered, his eyes shifting to Dios.

Dios was not there.

Dios was gone.

'He was always gone. He was a figment…like yourself…like this world…how often you tried to hold onto his fading image, like I tried to hold onto Mamiya…how futile our twisted notions.' Mikage said calmly, standing over Akio and blocking out the moon.

And suddenly it was so clear.

Like the tears running down Akio's face, like the thick blood seeping from his wound, like Mikage's eyes in this very moment.

Akio understood. He finally understood.

'So…it is…now…undone…' Akio whispered.

Then he fell backward, his eyes turning glassy with the last sight of his beloved stars up above imprinted on his mind…and the fingers unfurled, falling to the ground…and his breath was exhaled in a shudder that vibrated over all of Ohtori…

~

__

'Akio…?'

'Yes?'

'Something is different…can you tell?'

'Yes, Anthy. It's over.'

'What?'

'Everything. I…I only wish I could have helped you…in the end…'

'But I don't understand--'

'I know…but you will, one day…you'll understand…'

Shiori was not sure if this was a dream or not.

She was walking along the school corridors, in her uniform and books in her hand.

All was quiet though.

No students or class bells.

No talking by the lockers.

Nothing at all…no birds or insects or breeze…nothing.

Shiori stopped at her locker, turning the combination on the lock and letting it swing open slowly--no noisy hinge this time either.

The books slid in one by one…until she saw a note taped to the back.

Pulling it off and opening it up, the words struck her as odd.

__

'The way out is by going in…and to go in is to go up…come to the dueling arena at noon'

Shiori hated riddles.

Like she hated being talked about behind her back or not getting picked to be on a team or failing a test.

She hated this feeling of dread in her gut.

It swarmed around her like bees.

It buzzed in her head to the point of insanity.

So she went early to the arena. 

It was hot up there. Muggy even…too humid and sticky…she would need to shower afterwards…

But who was waiting there drove all other thoughts away.

It was her.

Another her.

But younger…oh, those eyes, still so wide and naïve…that skin still not soiled by years of desperation…how sickeningly precious…

'_Don't speak of me that way. I am you, you are I. You dare to speak ill of yourself?'_

Shiori stood, mouth open in shock. How dare she talk back to me?!

__

'I should have sooner, before all this happened…before everything we loved was taken away…'

Shiori felt her anger rise. Was this a trick? Of Juri's? Or Akio's?

__

'They are gone now…Akio is gone, Juri is gone…it is just you and I now…'

Shiori turned around, prepared to leave but the girl was in front of her…how the hell did she do that?

__

'I can do lots of things. You'd like me if you tried…we'd be good together, if you'd let us…we both want the same things, to be free from our pain…can't we do that? Now?'

Shiori couldn't move or talk or think. This was unreal. It was surreal. This child version of herself…telling Shiori what to do, making wild suggestions…it was madness!

'_No, not that at all. Take my hand…trust me, trust that we can live from this day forward and find that comfort we both wanted for so long…in ourselves…'_

Shiori felt her hand being grabbed and wanted to fight it off, to bat this girl away and shut her up once more and to run and to hide.

But the hold was firm and could not be shaken off.

This girl, the one Shiori had battered and beaten, she was strong now.

She believed in something and wanted to be believed in return.

She believed in Shiori.

Anthy held Utena's hand and did not utter a sound, though she knew she was crying…useless and worthless tears…for her brother, the one she loved and the one that became her world…both now very much gone…forever…

__

How can I ever understand this? This was not the way things were supposed to go…

She brought Utena's hand to her lips and kissed each fingertip, holding the slightly cold skin to her face.

'I do not know what to do now, Utena…how do I go on from here? With you like this, with no way to reach you…? If you stay this way, I have no one. Just myself…just I against this world………and if I do not win, if I do not figure a way out of this…I will lose you. I will lose you again.'

And Anthy let herself cry for real now, she let her sobs grow loud and tear at her body, her body curling inward and tumbling to the floor…

'I…cannot…see the way out…' Anthy gasped before dissolving into further agony.

__

The other you watches passively as you pound on the doors, try to break windows, yell and scream and curse and break chairs and break glasses…until you sag against the bar and your eyes look back up to the television screen.

'I need to get out of here…she needs me…she is in pain…' You beg to whomever can help you. The other you just looks away.

The other you doesn't understand this feeling inside of you--this ache, this frustration, this **pain**--it is overwhelming, it is demanding.

You see her there, weeping and alone.

You hear her and see her and somewhere deep, you feel her…and she needs you, she needs you like never before…

'That's not true, you know…we've been here before. We've done this a million times before! I've read up on this case, I've gathered the facts…'

You don't listen.

You try the door again, pounding on it and slamming into it with you shoulder and jerking on the handle. Nothing works.

'…and every time we try, it doesn't work…it never fucking works, do you hear me?! How many times do we have to try and save her?'

You stop suddenly and turn around. You stalk over to the other you and jerk them upright.

'Don't say that.' You grind out. The other you grins.

'The truth hurts.'

'That is not the truth…I love her, she loves me…'

The other you laughs.

'That maybe true--but love solves nothing. If it has not worked before, then don't look for that silver lining this time.' And the other you shoves you off, turning back to the bar.

And you look back at the screen, at your princess in despair…and you cannot stop trying to get back to her now…not now…

~~~

TBC


	35. tegami mae ni ketsumatsu

Tegami mae ni ketsumatsu...

[A Note before conclusion…]

~~~

First, let me apologize if the above statement in Japanese is placed incorrectly…I recalled the lesson. I **think** I am right.

So…Noir [big sigh] The next chapter is the last one. I will finally close this story and move on to something else, no doubt from the Shoujo Kakumei Utena fandom entirely.

That is not to say that I have not enjoyed writing this--it is, by far, the longest and most thought out of any story I have ever written.

I wanted to explore the characters…to remain true to them and yet to explore different avenues that other stories have not. 

New relationships, old relationships.

The nature of being trapped by your past and dreams.

The idea that freedom is a prize won in fighting your most dangerous enemy--yourself…

I also did not want to victimize any character nor blame any character for their faults. Each one of them has to reach their own 'true' awareness…some with death, some with life outside of Ohtori, some with love and some with acceptance of those things that cannot be changed.

And I will apologize ahead of time for the ending---this is how I end most long-fics of mine [lol] In that respect, I think I am following (if only slightly and less creatively) in Ikuhara's footsteps.

All is possible *grin*

~

Now, some thanks to faithful readers…the few, the proud…well, maybe just few [lol]:

Myself the Great [[[Ktch!!]]] = Thank you very much for not only reading, but leaving the most reviews for this surreal mess of a fic…I appreciated your comments. I also liked that I could ask you over AIM what you liked/did not like---very helpful for the creative process. And, of course, for the pictures you drew for this story…I plan on putting the links you gave me on my 'stories authored' bio here at FF.Net You truly rock 3

Foon = Well, sugarpea, I hope you've enjoyed the ride…and do believe me when I say that I **almost** did the idea you bounced my way for Shiori. It was a damn good one…you are so creative! Thank you for loving my fic and offering to have sex with it--Noir loves that kind of attention. And I will get around to the Noir: Prelude…I swear!

And a big thank you to: Leland Lancaster, Fairady, Jamie-boy, SKU/Random, animegirl, Lorelai Rhymeless, Karen, T., Demon Faerie Aeryka, safari-girl, kino amiko and even shanejayall (just the one time-lol)

I am sure I forgot a few, but I thank all who took valuable time out of their lives to read this story.

You honor me.

~

Now for the really important stuff--the music!

Yes, I used lyrics early on…but I was always listening to something whilst I wrote. It could be the words or the sound or just a feeling I got from it…nonetheless, the list below inspired me to keep going to the bitter end *smile*

---

The Doors - Touch Me

Beatles - DayTripper, Helter Skelter

Cardigans - Marvel Hill

Natalie Imbruglia - Wrong Impression

Judy Collins - Both Sides Now

Patrick O Hearn - So Flows the Current, Coba

Bjorn - Bachalorette

Juliana Hatfield - the entire 'Only Everything' album

Bauhaus - Spirit

Incubus - Warning

Ani DiFranco - Slide, 32 Flavors

Cousteau - Last Good Day of the Year

Rufus Wainwright - Grey Gardens

The Police - Invisible Sun

---

I am sure I have lost some along the way…but that is pretty close…

~

So, once again---thanks for reading, thanks for commenting.

I love this story like no other and I hope it shows.

~~~

TBC


	36. Sanjuu ni

Noir

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]

Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'   


~~~   


__

Anthy was a child…millions of years ago…a little girl in her brown leather shoes, faded purple dress and the sight of daylight dying over the mountains.

Her brother used to ride his horse for hours, picking her up and letting her sit up front…to pass under the low hanging trees, the fresh green of weeping willows. 

The sound of hooves into soft grass and the breeze and crickets hidden in the weeds…_it shall be forever imprinted in her mind_…   
  


~   


Shiori felt herself pulled further and further from Ohtori.

The gate shut with a clap of thunder and rain poured down.

It soaked her clothes, it matted down her hair, it covered her icy skin.

Where are we going? Is she taking me away…or to somewhere else…?

__

'Don't you want to see it? Freedom is over there…just a moment away…'

So, Shiori walked along…she let this girl that was barely more than nine tug her along, a phantom of who she could have been had she tried to have more to life than agony and bitterness…

__

'This is the beginning of the end, you know…one step and you will be more than free, we shall both be free again…'

And it was the edge of the world itself.

Nothing. Only the swirl of clouds and fog below.

And a great pool of midnight up above.

Too beautiful for me, Shiori thought. Too grand and fine for me, Shiori knew.

But the little girl just smiled and patted her hand, murmuring kind words like a mother might…

__

'Let us both do what we came here to do…'

'Into the unknown…' Shiori whispered before taking that final step, her foot briefly touching upon weightless matter…then plummeting downward in a blur of cold air.   


~   


__

It was 1940.

And the war had not yet destroyed London.

All the bricks of red would crack just from time, all the concrete sidewalks would be bedmates to drunken men--not gray platforms raised upward to meet the sky, to shatter under a rain of fire.

Mikage remembers very little from that time…**I read it in a book, it isn't real**…

A bird died outside his window when he was five.

And his heart forged a battle within.

One side ached for the loss, how sad that life could so easily end.

The other thought how weak the bird must be, thus it should die…to make way for the much stronger.

His mother died. A long, long time ago…**I was alone with my mind forever**...

It was 1940.

And Mikage thought about running away.

Far away from a place that could fall apart and from people who could perish and from a world gone mad.

Instead…he just found the same things somewhere else.

Ohtori.

And revolution.

Tokiko and Mamiya.

Some nights, he cradles a picture of them…of how they used to be…and if his soul had not been so broken, he thinks he could have loved them.

…**our time has finally dawned**…   
  


~   


'We understand each other now I think.' Mikage says.

And Anthy says nothing.

The early morning air is cool and crisp. Dew hangs heavily on her roses…it falls to the ground in silence…

'We both want to break this cycle. We both thought there was something here…something worth living for…but it is not here…not here…' Mikage goes on.

And Anthy lets him.

She came here to free the others. 

She came here to free Utena.

And she wonders if freedom will let her go as well…

Mikage charges forward, never one to plan his attacks or to give one time to figure his moves out. Anthy fights back, like her life is worth gold…she fights back with every breath in her body.

'Why can't you see!?' Mikage screams out, slamming his blade down with more strength than Anthy gave him credit for.

'Death is the only way. For you…for Tenjou Utena…I can make this world stop spinning! I can make the stars fall from the sky! I can reinvent the past!'

Anthy swings out and lets the hilt crash into his jaw.

Mikage staggers back and feels blood gather in his mouth, coating his teeth.

But he does not stop.

He cannot stop.

This world drove him crazy once…_never again…never again…never again…_   
  


~   


__

Utena got up slowly from her coffin.

Her Prince was sitting outside and beckoned her closer.

He pointed to the distance…to a shining tower far away…

'What is it?' Utena asked in wonder.

And he just smiled, taking her hand and creating a map upon her palm.

Winding roads, each with name that seemed so familiar to her…

Touga.

Saionji.

Juri.

Shiori.

Miki.

Kozue.

Mikage.

Akio.

Anthy.

'Where do they lead?' Utena questioned once more.

And he pointed again to the tower in the distance.

Utena thought for a moment that maybe she knew this place…once upon a time…and something kept her there, kept her from her Prince…something made her want to be there more than here…

'But what could it be…?' Utena wondered aloud, her voice so soft.

Her Prince smiled gently and handed her a white rose, then a purple one.   


~   


Anthy tasted sweat on her lips.

It was not a bad taste. It was the taste of life.

…all life, all death, all of everything…

Mikage was trembling.

His fingers hurt, the grip on his sword was painfully tight…but not nearly enough physical pain to match the images dancing in his mind…

__

Tokiko's smile in the greenhouse…Mamiya's gentlemanly robe…white chalk on blackboards…an inferno of burning glass…a ring on his desk…a fast car…a black rose…

Anthy watched his eyes dull and thought this was her move, her chance, her only damn chance to end this…once and for all…to be free, to be free for the first time…

And so she ran, giving the last bit of her force into this sprint, blade raised high…and her rose fell off as she went…

White petals broke like china on the stone.   


~   


__

You both watch now.

You cannot look away…your heart is pounding like a drum and your fingers hold the edge of the bar like a life line…

The other you stops drinking, stops making wise-ass remarks, stops breathing entirely…

You hope for the best.

This is your love.

And no one knows what will happen if…if…

'I know you think…that I don't get it…but I do, I swear I do…' The other you says quietly. 

But you can't answer.

You can't nod or try to understand or listen.

Because on the screen is your future - you reason for being alive…  
  


~   


She saw the birds first.

They flew overhead in a flutter of blue and yellow.

She could hear the flap of their wings…it was like the ripping of paper…

Then Anthy felt it.

A warm embrace from deep inside, then it slowly worked to the outside, caressing her skin and numbing her extremities.

For a second, Anthy saw Mikage--saw the wild look in his eyes, one of demented sadness--and then she let herself go.

She did not feel the ground against her back.

It could have been air.

She felt nothing.

Just her eyes, open and aware, watching the birds fly away…   


~

__

It starts as a rumble at first. Too far away to be noticeable.

Then the glasses tremble, the screen turns to static.

The lights flicker.

The whole establishment begins to shake.

And the other you steps back slowly, sliding against the bar and to the wall.

The other you sits on the floor and covers their ears.

'Nonononononononononononononononono…………' You start off, tripping one denial after the other until your voice is no longer normal.

It is a roar. It is a yell. It is a wailing. It is the deafening terror of loss, a shrill and heartbroken banshee call.

And it tears the walls down.

The windows break open and the door splinters and all the lights go out.

Just like the eye of the storm…all becomes silent…and the other you slowly gets up, knowing with a gut full of dread that you are gone from this safe haven…

Gone to the world up above and the reality ahead.   


~

Utena woke up from a long dream…and into her darkest nightmare.

She was once again at the dueling arena.

The sun had melted away the snow, the trees were returning to summer green at the speed of light. Birds sang in the sky.

And a beautiful rose of purple was in her hand, its petals falling down one…by…one…by…one…

Then it hit her.

It jabbed into her gut and twisted her insides, knotting her body up in a pain so deep and all-consuming that she fell to the ground…her knees getting scraped on the granite grooves…and then Utena looked ahead.

__

A purple rose, petals falling down…

'Anthy!!' She screamed out and it tore at her throat, the sound of misery--the reason for this excruciating agony that rendered Utena helpless.

So, she crawled.

Her nails chipped and her fingers bled.

Sweat ran down her forehead and burned into her eyes.

The world was so silent that only her heartbeat made a noise, thrumming in her ears like a rush of water.

__

…it's not too late, I'm not too late, please wake up, please stay with me, dear God, no…no…no…………

'Anthy…can you hear me? Please answer me…Anthy?' Utena wanted to scream and shake the girl, but it came out in a choked whisper.

Utena pushed long violet hair back and saw Anthy's eyes open, motionless and lifeless and dead.

'No…c'mon now, Anthy…wake up, please just…just hear me and come back to me…' Utena continued, pulling the body of her Princess closer, cradling it to her and rocking from side to side.

Anthy did not move.

__

'I am a doll, Utena-sama. I will do what you want me to. I am your flower.'

'No, not a doll…never a doll…you are free, Anthy…you can be whatever you want to be…' Utena murmured, gripping the girls still form tighter.

__

'I lied to you. I betrayed your trust and took advantage of your friendship. You should hate me.'

'I could never hate you…we both made mistakes, I know that now…I really do…I could no more hate you than hate myself…Please Anthy…just open your eyes and let me tell you…let me tell you…that I lov--'

But Utena froze slightly at the touch of a sharp point to the back of her neck.

A small chuckle wound its way to Utena's ears.

'Very moving. I know of these desperate feelings, I felt them once…a long time ago…but now, with you here, I can fix former mistakes. For good.' Mikage whispered brokenly.

Utena stared at Anthy's face then drifted her gaze downward, to the beautifully red bloom on the chest of her Princess.

__

How pretty the petals, spreading out…seeking more light, more warmth…just like its bearer…just like Anthy…

Utena let her tears fall, no use in stopping them. 

And she bent forward, pressing her lips to the lips of her beloved--the only kiss they had ever shared as their true selves, without the past hanging onto them or the false lives created to shield them--one amazing moment of bliss…before the very end…of everything…

~

__

Anthy was singing as she walked.

And her brother walked with her, chiming in at certain moments…a perfect bass to her tenor…

It was so like their childhood that Anthy almost burst out into a fit of joyous laughter.

But no…this was not the past…it was different than before…

The sun too bright.

The air too hazy.

And she was older, much older. So was her brother.

No longer a little lithe Dios…but a man, full grown…

He smiled at her warmly.

'So you see.' He spoke.

'This is eternity.' Anthy smiled.

'A version of it anyway…you can do what you please here…'

Anthy ran ahead some, eager to breathe in the fresh and free air. 

The strings had been cut.

No longer a marionette, no longer bound by a cruel fate.

She was free.

'It is all I wanted for you.' Her brother said softy, behind her suddenly.

Anthy spun around and laughed.

'And now I have it.'

But his smile did not reach his eyes, not truly. Anthy studied him and pulled his hand to her face.

'What do you see that makes you so sad?' She questioned.

'Your mind is free now, dearest sister. Free to think as you want…but you are also free to feel as you want…and your heart, it wants to be elsewhere.'

Anthy stepped back, fearful that she might be thrust back into that horrid world that held her for so long.

'I never want to see that place again! Never!' She shouted out but her brother caught her arm.

'Not that world, Anthy. The real world…the one filled with all the chances you did not get before…it is all yours to have and to enjoy…if you want. But you must let me know. You must tell me what you want to do--stay here with me or go back out to where another life awaits you…?'

~

Many times she had fought.

Even as a child--Utena was fighting.

Fighting to survive loss and fighting to overcome pain…until she realized that all she was fighting against was herself.

Some psychologists call it survivors guilt.

__

Why did she live and her parents die? Why could she not join them in the afterlife? Why must she go on living?

She fought to even take one step.

But, way back and years ago, it was that **single step**--of following Dios out of the coffin and to a little girl in shadow.

Utena understood Anthy.

They were so much alike…like Plato and his notion of soul-mates, a half of yourself is walking around Earth…your other half, the rest of your heart…and they are as miserable as you are.

Until you are whole once again.

Utena was unwittingly fighting for that, for her other half, for herself.

And in those days, she felt a sort of nobility--even when others tried to shatter it, even when she did not want to believe in it--it was there.

__

In Dios kissing away her tears.

In Anthy's wounded eyes.

In Utena's heart, beating deep within.

Only now…in this world, in this lifetime…all of Utena's nobility is fading.

Dios and his light cannot shine now, the sword feels all too right in her hand and Utena's eyes do not burn with the tears of being a weary savior…

They burn with malice.

~

__

Anthy walked away, silent in contemplation.

Go back…? To the 'real' world…?

She shook her head back and forth.

'There is nothing there my heart yearns for, brother. For so long…I have lived in Akio's world, lived in loneliness…if this is a version of eternity, then I want to stay here. With you.' Anthy smiled.

Dios would not let up though.

'Have you forgotten so quickly? Were you so eager to pass on from that life…that you have closed yourself off from all memory, all past emotions…?'

Anthy was starting to get upset and crossed her arms tightly.

'I remember pain. Lots and lots of pain. Nothing **but** pain…if that is the world, if that is all it offers to those of us who choose to live…I do not want it.'

And with that, she walked away.

Why did he say those things? What is his purpose?

'If I am free…why should I want to go back…?' Anthy asked aloud.

She sat down near the edge of a river, letting her feet dangle in the cool waters below. She laid back and shut her eyes.

It was peaceful here.

Quiet.

Perfect.

'It could use a little nightlife though, don't ya think?' A voice said from beside her and Anthy shot up, startled.

'Who are you?' she questioned, standing up and ready to bolt back to her brother.

'Just calm down…your brother sent me.' The person, who appeared to be a young woman…in a suit…, smiled.

'Who are you?' Anthy asked again, feeling a bit light-headed all of a sudden. She pressed her fingers to her forehead and tried to focus.

But the young woman's eyes…such a brilliant shade of blue…they were oddly distracting.

'I think your brother called me the, uh…what was it? Oh yea! 'The best way to remind Anthy of what her heart is trying to forget.'' 

Anthy swayed a bit and then felt faint, her eyes fluttering shut before she tipped backward. 

Her last thought was of arms going around her and tugging her back up again.

~

__

…I am doing this for you…

Mikage repeated that over and over and over.

Sometimes in his own mind, sometimes out loud.

__

…I am changing the world for you…

But perhaps he was mistaken…it would not be the first time…

Who was he trying to save now?

Himself?

Or just the decrepit castle within his fading sanity?

Stone by stone, it began falling eons ago. And the poisonous vines took over, winding into every crevice of his mentality.

That was how Akio set up house so easily.

Mikage was ripe for domination.

__

…I will bring you back…

It was too late to bring Mikage back though. Much too late to save his soul or his mind or his heart.

Who was he bringing back?

A boy of sickness? A boy who was not real?

A girl he could have loved? A woman who cannot understand?

__

…I will stop time…

Could he really do that? 

Turning back the clock, ripping the hours away…back to the moment he lit the fire and watched the building go up like it was made of matchsticks. 

But to go even further back…his own time, when Mikage felt his world somehow shut down and become mechanical, to when he was an open wound--so very desperate to feel any emotion--and was but a broken toy, with strings much too simple to pull.

__

…I will be the one to get free…

And at what price this time?

What must be lost now to gain even a glance at freedom?

Mikage always knew, deep down, that his force was science.

His logic could outweigh any other weapon…then Akio stole his even that, said it was an illusion…

Mikage spent a lot of time in limbo till Ohtori pulled him back out again.

Pulled him up and spit him back out, to fend for himself in a land of make-believe.

This time, though, Mikage understood.

It went beyond logic. It went beyond science.

When you die, you finally understand…

__

…I can make all of you understand…

The others had to be gone. Insignificant players had to be eliminated.

__

Mind…And so he let his mortal soul go.

__

Body…And so Akio must perish.

__

Soul…And so Anthy must then die.

__

Heart…And so must Utena join them.

All of this done by Mikage. This unreal realm--finally shut down.

And the power that resides here--it would be his.

To bend, to shape, to create, to form.

He would be like a God.

__

…I would feel once more…

But Mikage has been known to make mistakes.

It would not be the first time.

In his mind, Utena was docile or weak or a princess. She was no longer a knight. She was never a Prince. The world had crushed her and turned her inside-out.

She was the heart of Ohtori.

And the heart is always the first to break.

__

…I could feel life again…

A mistake. They happen. Much too often, they happen to even the most thought out plan or orchestrated plot. You underestimate the enemy. You feel superior.

Akio did that and Akio failed.

__

…How could I have not seen this…?

~

__

When Anthy awoke, she was not alone.

That woman was there…and Anthy thought, if only for a second, that they knew each other…

'That's because we do, sweetheart.' The woman smiled at her and then Anthy noticed she was being held. A little **too **closely.

Anthy pushed away and was not stopped.

'What are you talking about?' 

The woman smiled and Anthy felt that dizzy feeling once more. She shut her eyes tightly and tried to force the feeling away.

'I am talking about you and I. I mean…well, there is a lot of us going around at the moment…but, at the end of the day, it is just you and me, Princess.' And the woman winked at her, her smile definitely of a…flirtatious nature.

Anthy stared at her. It was true--something inside was telling her that she did in fact know this woman…with blue eyes, with a sincere smile…

'Take off your hat.' Anthy whispered. The woman removed the fedora and long pink hair flowed out, spilling onto the woman's shoulders.

'You're…you're…' Anthy felt like the ground was spinning. Or she was spinning. She could not really tell anymore.

'It's on the tip of that beautiful tongue…say it and remember me…' The woman whispered to Anthy.

~

It wasn't that Utena could not stop.

She did not want to stop.

She wanted to cause anguish and agony.

She wanted, for the first and only time, to take someone's life.

And so she dueled like that.

This man…who invaded her dreams and urged her to sleep the sleep of the dead…he had taken the one thing she needed to live.

He had killed Anthy.

And so Utena would kill him.

Even revenge would not purge her of this fury though…it ran too deep and ran too strongly…it was engulfing her, it was becoming her.

Dios had felt like a burst of white-hot heat, a slow melting into the veins--a surge of pure power that faded at the dancing of opponents rose petals.

__

…he must pay, he must die…

But fury felt like a rising wave that never crashed, it was fire sparked by gasoline, it was a blind red rage…

Her arms never grew tired and her eyes never wavered.

Even when Mikage would connect his blade to her very body, Utena did not feel it.

She felt nothing but hate.

At Akio…_your twisted brain created this place…_

At the Student Council…_your selfishness wounded her…_

At Mikage…_your megalomania drove the last sword into her…_

And at herself, in the dress of a pathetic princess…_you failed her, once again…_

Utena would not stop, even as she had knocked his sword to the ground with a clatter and had him pinned to the wall of the arena.

She brought her sword up…the one Anthy had taken up to fight with while Utena drifted, her own heart-sword…and raised it above her head.

Then something stopped her.

Something hot was running down her face and blurring her vision…it took a moment for her to realize that she was crying.

Mikage did not move. He stayed against the sharp edge of the wall. But his mouth seemed to open without his consent and his voice wandered out.

'Why do you stop? This is your chance…to have it all…' He murmured.

Even death did not provide all answers.

Mikage had wanted to feel again. Mikage had wanted his heart back, like some kind of Tin Man who had foolishly thrown it away.

But Utena was crying, silent tears poured out of her eyes and made her cheeks wet. And she was looking at him…but not really…the fierce energy she had possessed mere seconds ago was slowly ebbing away.

Mikage watched her lower the sword and drop it to the ground.

And it broke apart. The blade cracked into pieces and dissolved like water, the hilt glimmered and then dimmed until it was no more.

Mikage looked at her once more, at her wide eyes shining with more sorrow than even he thought possible in a mortal…especially one who battles here…

'Why did you stop?' He asked again, to try and understand the final piece to this story. Whatever he had envisioned, it was not to be. This was the end of all things, the end of Ohtori, the end of the fantasy.

And he wanted to know what stayed her hand.

'Dios.' She whispered haltingly.

~

__

'It was my fault, in the end…'

'It was no one's fault. No one is to blame. You were all here, trying to live again or trying to find peace of mind…all choices made were of a free will.'

'But she is gone…she is dead…!'

'The world is big enough for those that want to find each other, Utena. The ones who went back…they will find this out all on their own, like it is supposed to be. And so will you…'

'I…don't see how…I don't want to live if she is gone…'

'Trust me. Trust yourself to make the right decisions. That is all it is to be a Prince you know…you just have to believe…'

~

__

It was 1940.

Mikage was five.

This time, though…he cried as the bird fell, as its wings cracked on impact to the window. This time…Mikage sobbed like a child.

'Why am I seeing this?' Mikage asked the man opposite him, who looked vaguely like Akio…sort of like Mamiya…but not, not the same at all.

'You wanted it back. I give it to you.'

And Mikage put his hand over his chest, feeling for the first time in so very long--his heart…and it was pounding…it was beating out staccato rhythms…

And he cried.

For the first time in a long time.

And this man held him close, stroked his hair, hummed in his ear.

'What will happen to me now…?' Mikage whispered.

'Eternity.'

~

__

The alarm went off and Utena reached out from beneath the blankets to slap at the snooze button.

A few more minutes wouldn't kill the world, now would it?

Instead, though, she hit the radio button and crappy morning deejays blared out.

'Geez…' she groaned, sitting up and stretching with a yawn.

She had not gotten in late. Nor did she go on some alcoholic bender.

Utena was just really tired this morning.

She didn't want to chug down the five or so cups of coffee to make it to the office, file some really boring cases and stare out the window at the downtown traffic.

But the phone rang and she answered it.

'Yo…' Utena mumbled, stumbling to her bathroom.

'Your ten o' clock is here, Utena.' Her secretary said. Utena could see the blue-haired girls smirk from here.

Utena gurgled some mouthwash and spit it out quickly.

'Tell them I am late then.'

'Fine. But I don't know how you can get many more cases being this lazy…' Then click. Utena tossed the phone to the bed and rummaged around her closet. All her cheap suits were brown. She should really think of getting some other colors someday…

And once dressed, Utena left her apartment, locking the door behind her.

Her car was in the parking garage…but she ignored it.

She decided to walk.

The day was crisp and the sun was bright and the sky was blue.

And for someone who was so damn tired, now she felt full of energy.

'They call it a skip to your step…' her inner voice chided. Utena comically frowned to herself.

Hell, she was acting as if she had gotten lucky or something!

But no perfume on the pillows, no woman in her bed…so it wasn't that…Utena was not really sure **what **it was…

So busy musing over her unexpected happy mood, Utena bumped into someone and sent their briefcase skidding out onto the sidewalk.

'It helps to look where you are going.' A woman deadpanned to Utena and the detective was ready to retort back…but the woman's face froze her for some reason.

A few seconds ticked by before Utena got her bearings back.

'Same could apply for you.'

The woman watched her close for a brief moment then shrugged lightly.

'I guess you are right. Sorry.' She said, picking her briefcase up and shaking her almost orange-colored curls out of her face before walking past Utena and further down the sidewalk.

Utena gazed after her, wondering if she had seen the woman around a club or something…maybe in a magazine…

Soon she was walking once more and reached her office. Her secretary smiled sarcastically as Utena walked in the door.

'All here and in one piece…I am impressed.'

And again, Utena felt an odd pause come over her…seeing this thin girl in her early twenties, sky blue hair in that sort of punk style, cherry red lipstick…before blinking several times to break out of the feeling.

'Take a picture. It'll last longer.' The secretary laughed before going back to the desk, picking up the latest issue of Cosmo.

'What is wrong with you…?' The inner voice questioned and Utena really had no clue. For a detective, she was feeling real dense today.

'Is the, uh, ten o' clock still here?' Utena asked, already turning the knob to her office door.

'Yep. She waited.' The secretary murmured.

So, Utena went in and started off with an apology to the woman's back.

'Real sorry about no being here on time. Another case I am involved in was keeping me…did my secretary offer you coffee, Miss…?'

'Himemiya. And yes she did, but I declined. Not too keen on the stuff actually.'

Utena smiled to herself as she fixed her first cup of liquid gold for the day.

'I can't go without it myself. But now, enough chit-chat, Miss Himemiya…what can I do for you?' And Utena sat down, seeing the woman's face for the first time.

And she felt the odd feeling again, the one she had felt all day…it was even a bit more pronounced this time…like a nagging and annoying jab to her ribs, like someone tapping her shoulder and saying, "is this a dream or what, buddy?"…

Utena let the feeling go and smiled her most charming smile, the one that said 'you-know-you-wanna-trust-me-baby doll' and leaned back in her chair.

The woman smiled at her and ever so slightly raised one eyebrow before starting in on her current plight that required the services of a P.I.

But Utena only half listened.

She was thinking that before this case was over, she and Miss Himemiya might get to know each other a little better…

~~~

THE END


End file.
